Having a bit of an issue in terms of who is giving me away and how not to upset everyone. My Dad passed away 7 years ago, and my Mum had remarried a couple of years before that. I don’t hate my Stepdad in any way but his behaviour can be a lot to tolerate, it was much better after I left for university and he wasn’t there all the time. After so long living by himself he got very set in his own ways, se he hates any noisiness and sulks if anything happens outside his set routine. I know that he does care a great deal and he’d like to see himself as my Dad substitute and really love to give me away but I just don’t feel that he would be the right person, ideally I’d rather have someone more connected to my Dad.
I also have two brothers, one older and one younger, and my Dad’s brother I also know would love to do it. My Dad’s side of the family do not get on with my Mum and Stepdad, but I thought the easiest plan of action would be to ask my Mum as we’ve always been quite close and she did a lot for us when my Dad was ill when we were younger. She agreed, but didn’t want to do a speech so I just said my Stepdad could do that part as I didn’t really mind. I even told my Grandma (Dad’s Mum) that I was just doing that as a compromise as she was suggesting my older brother, so I thought all was now sorted.
But now over Mother’s Day dinner with my parents and H2B’s parents my Mum announced that she doesn’t want to do it any more, she wants to be standing at the front looking glamorous and watching me come down the aisle. So because she said yes at first and I didn’t specifically tell her otherwise, it appears that they have both made the assumption that if she doesn’t want to do it I’ll want my Stepdad and I really don’t. Now he’s going to be really upset as I don’t mind him doing a speech but I don’t want him walking me down. Because she announced it over dinner so publicly I couldn’t then discuss it, and they didn’t stick around long after that as they had to get back. It’s a pain as I spent all day on Saturday alone with my Mum and she didn’t mention any of it. Now I have no idea when I can get her on her own, she never has her phone on and they’re both always at home.
If I ask one or both brothers to do the honours I don’t know whether they will want to do speeches or not, so I could potentially be taking everything away from my Stepdad which was never my intention. My Mum doing it was meant to be the plan so nobody would be offended and now it has backfired on me. I don’t want to force my Mum if she doesn’t want to but if she has to tell him he can’t he’s going to be a huge nightmare for her to live with. Still, I’m not going to be pushed into doing something I’m not happy with on my wedding day, its just how to go about it.
