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Beginner August 2010

Going to have a moan

emmamc01, 2 July, 2010 at 14:16 Posted on Planning 0 4

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Theres no need to reply - but i feel if i write it all down i will feel better - or at least i hope to.

I have been feeling so depressed just lately, i am really trying to feel positive and put a smile on my face but its false and inside i am just screaming!!

My OH is upsetting me as in his eyes nothing is urgent, everything can wait except for his stag do arrangements with are top priority apparently! Plus he is on nights so he is tired and grumpy. I dont want to upset him so am trying not to complain as i know how hard he works for us both and he deserves to be excited about his stag do but just wish he could show as much enthusiasm bout the rest of it too.

He has also kept the suit he is wearing a surprise - (which is fine) however he brought my sons suit too, and has told me its different to his own - but is keeping that a secret too? Why if its different to his own?? And my son is giving me away so i would like to see what he is wearing? Im his mother of course i want to see it? Men huh.

My parents are upsetting me - as they werent even coming to the wedding, which i was okay with and had got my head round - then few weeks ago mom was coming - then few days later dad was too (really chuffed) - then they werent - then she was and he wasn't - and now he may be - ????? I am so confused, of couse i'd like them there but was okay with the fact that they werent. Now i dont know what to do - book them a place, make place names, menus and order of service for them or not?? The wedding is exactly 8 weeks today and the venue will be asking me soon for my final figures.

There are four others in addition to my parents who havent given me a definate reply for the wedding - so thats is 6 in total that i dont know if they are coming or not? OH says its not a prob!! When i ask them they say 'oh not sure yet it depends on... work/money/other I will let you know!' ......

I also still have loads to do in the way of wedding jobs, i am doing 'almost' everything myself as a DIY bride as we are on such a strict budget - only splashed out on a few things - yet no one has offered to help. They are more than aware of what i am doing staying up late making and preparing stuff...but not one person has offered to come lend a hand or even just come and keep me company one evening while im working on it.

My chief bridesmaid cant organise my hen do - and when i had a go at organising it and sent invites out she texted me to say she couldnt come?????????? Also no one seems bothered about coming to it so only have a few coming now and just feels like i am wasting my time. Wish i hadnt even bothered organising one. Especially when my OH keeps banging on about his stag do at the moment like how many he has got going and how great its going to be.

My Ex is doing his upmost to sabotage my plans - he is always coming up with some other way at trying to get at me - You wouldnt believe the lenghts he has sunk to. All in an aim to upset me. Im now scared everytime the door knocks or the phone rings, thinking 'oh god what now - whats next'

Any time i try to tell someone how i feel about it they say 'dont let him upset you, your letting him win if you do' but one of the things he is doing is taking me to court about my daughter! How can i not get upset about this with only 8 weeks to the wedding i could end up battling a court case anytime now. Over him taking my daughter abroad for the summer - if i lose i wont have my little girl at my wedding. I allow him contact every week but he is requesting even more contact which means losing a lot of time with her? Yet her school have said how concerned about her well being they are when she is with him?

I just feel like jacking it all in and saying im not going thru with it!

Then curling up on my bed and crying!!

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4 replies

Latest activity by emmamc01, 2 July, 2010 at 16:57

Beginner October 2010
mrsmiller2b · 2 July, 2010 at 14:27
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Oh sweetie, I don't what to say!! I hope you feel better now you've got it all out of your system.

Can you try speaking to your OH and telling him how much pressure you feel under and that you really need him to pitch in and help with the last bits of planning. I think you need to see the suit he has chosen for your son, I'd even want to see the suit he has chosen for himself, I couldn't have trusted my OH to choose his own!!

I know I'm going to say what you don't want to hear, but try not to let your ex get to you and definitely don't cancel the wedding, then he has won!! If he wants to take your daughter away when it's your wedding then he is being extremely unreasonable, however if the school are concerned about your daughters well being when she is with him then it's unlikely he will win the court case.

I know sometimes things can feel like too much and when they get like that just walk away, go for a walk, lock yourself in your bedroom, cry, scream do whatever you need to in order to feel better.

We're always here if you need to talk or just need to vent. Chin up, lots of love and big hugs xxx
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Beginner December 2010
Josiep00 · 2 July, 2010 at 14:35
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Feel free to vent away!

Sorry to hear about the hard times you're having.

In terms of your H2B keeping sons outfit a secret, maybe he thinks it's nice for you to have a surprise on the day and doesn't realise it is upsetting you? If it is I would talk to him about it.

I do think your H2B should be a bit more considerate when going on about how awesome his stag do will be when he prob knows your feeling a bit deflated about your hen do. Maybe you 2 could organise a night for some together time to reconnect - have some fun but also make time to be frank with how your feeling lately.

Your ex sounds crazy! And also Crazy jealous too. I'm sure even if the court stuff does happen, if you mention your wedding they would try to work around it.

Hope you manage to have a nice weekend! xx
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teeheeyoucrazyguys! · 2 July, 2010 at 15:51
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Oh dear, it does sound like its getting on top of you.

Your OH - They dont get the whole wedding planning thing and they dont see the importance of stuff. This is normal. When he says your sons suit is different to his, hes prolly talking about 1 little design feature. He's a man remember, and MEN DONT DO DETAILS. It will prolly be a diffy length of jacket or a diffy colour of waistcoat. Your sons not going to turn up in anything outrageous. How olds your son? Too young to really keep a secret? he'll prolly blurt out something about it if you ask him about it. Children are children.

People helping you out - They dont. They keep back until nearer the time when they realise they too have a wedding to go to. Dont expect people to help you, they will offer of they want to. Most brides enjoy doing things by themselves. Then sometimes you need to take the lead and ASK for the help.

CBM not coming to hen. - how many times have I read this story. I think hen nights are overated and I had 2 of them for mine, both very plain and ordinary night outs organised by myself and I had a few who couldnt come, but they were coming to the wedding so..........

Guests RSVPs. Now this you HAVE to be strong for. The wishy washy 'we will let you know ...' will not work and you HAVE to tell them plainly that the HOTEL need to know. Give them till end of week and then scrub them off. They have had their chance, deadlines (dates) are their for a reason. This costs YOU money. I had two guests not bother to turn up as they were moving house instead and 2 meals went uneaten and we have never heard from them since.

As for your parents you also need to be firm with them and explain that their presence would be fantastic but needs to be definate for the meal etc.... dont however, use the cost factor, on them as that might get up their nose and they wont go....

lastly, turn off the pc and go for a walk in the sunshine. Take your mp3 player and forget about the wedding and everything else for a few hours. Will do you the power of good.
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teeheeyoucrazyguys! · 2 July, 2010 at 15:53
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Oh yeah and the ex?? no court will allow a father to take a child away when their mothers getting married...... aferall, shes the one providing the stable family unit and the wedding testifies to that I'm sure all of that will work out for you.
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Beginner August 2010
emmamc01 · 2 July, 2010 at 16:57
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Thank you everyone it does mean a lot to have people to vent to - and i went off to the park for a few hours with the dog which is why im late replying.

OH is trying to create some suprise with the suits, as i have planned every other detail myself...so i can let him off...after all he is only trying to be nice. And no he really doesnt get the importance of stuff.

As for his stag, i cant imagine he is doing it on purpose - i know he is only excited. Its not his fault my hen is turning out to be crap lol

I do feel better for getting out in the sun - And feel more able to cope with stuff - Im going to make a timetable and split the last few jobs up over the last few weeks and try to stick to it.

As for my ex - i suppose its flattering that i am that important lol - and yeah deep down i know he wont win it all but i really could do without a court case this close to the wedding.

Thank you girls, will keep you informed as to how things are going xx
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Going to have a moan

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