Gone a bit Bridezilla (or spoilt bratt maybe)

As a step mum myself I was glad my stepdaughter even wanted to come to our wedding, let alone get in a tizz over what she wore!

no one can upstage the bride on your wedding day, similar or not no one is going to get you confused are they?

I know I am being stupid. To be honest I think I just needed to say it out loud as it were as I cant tell OH because hes so chuffed and seeing what I wrote there it sounds ridiculous to me too. Thanks for that Mini

You're welcome

Weeeeeell, I can see being a wee bit upset about it. Did she know what your dress looks like? If she did, then I'd be upset, but if not, then I'd do your best to get over it, or find another dress if it really bothers you.

You're still going to look like the bride- the smile, the glow, the bouquet, all the little things add up. Even if everyone else was dressed identically to you, you'd still look like a bride. So I'd try not to let it ruin it for you, but if you truly can't get over it, you can either talk to her about it or look for a new dress.

Is your dress a non-traditional colour? Did your step-daughter (or possibly her Mum) know what colour you are wearing? How old is your step-daughter?

I think it depends. If they knew what dress you had and chose something similar i would be miffed, if it was a genuine fluke then fair enough.

I thought this as its the sort of thing my sd's mum would do but I diddnt post as I hoped not all of them are as horrid as her.

I really wouldn't be upset, at the end of the day all that matters is she wants to be there, and no-one will outshine you..

enjoy that she has been influenced by your tastes, that's a lovely compliment for you , and says a lot for your relationship x

Even if she (or her mum) did know about your dress there's nothing you can do or say - she's a kid, it's her dad's wedding, you have to just grit your teeth and be the grown up. Good on you for getting it out here and not ranting at her or your OH.

I've seen how beautiful my flower girls and bridesmaid look, they are all infinitely better looking than me but it's really not something to worry about on your wedding day. It is still you who will make people gasp and shed a tear as you walk down the aisle. People will barely acknowledge the existence of anyone else at that moment.

I also wondered if the step daughter or her mum knew what your dress was like but if they live huundreds of miles away I'm guessing it was just a coincidence?

Having been a step daughter bridesmaid to both of my parents at the ages of 11 and 19 respectively, I know how awkward this can be from the other side too. There was an incident with my dad's wedding in particular that I won't bore you with but it is dress related and the woman he married (he is no longer with her) made me feel really bad about it all. I'm sure you won't intentionally do that to your step daughter but just remember she is a child and not your rival, this will all be a bit unsettling for her too and anything that means she feels comfortable on the day will make your OH happy and therefore you happy too I'm sure.

Also there's a chance your dresses will complement each other beautifully and you can perhaps bond over how similar your tastes are?

The dress(es) are ivory so its not that much of a surprise that they are the same colour. SD is 11 and not yet into fashion or girly stuff so I suspect if there is any deliberate attempt to hack me off its from her mum. That being the case I think I should just stop bothering about it. If its innocent there isn't anything to be upset about if its not I don't want to give her the satisfaction. So long as sd and OH are happy who cares its only a dress right even if we do build it up its not what counts thanks for all your opinions ladies I shall go and find something more with while to stress over like those damned readings ?

Take it as a compliment............you obviously have excellent taste in clothes! And no one will upstage your big day.............its all about the beautiful bride ?

I feel your frustration, but as others have already said, there's no way an 11 year old can upstage the bride. If it's been done by the mother in any way to upset you, then just think how coordinated the photos will look and how she'll be kicking herself that it backfired! (We have similar step family issues...) Just feel chuffed that SD has decided to wear a dress for your special day, she clearly grasps the importance of it.

Clearly in the minority here, but I'd get another dress. I wouldn't say anything to her as to be fair I doubt an 11-year-old necessarily knows that this is why you shouldn't wear white to a wedding. But I'd be getting a different dress if hers is not only ivory but LONGER than yours.

I agree with littlecathy 100% percent. If it was done on purpose by the ex then now it looks like it was done intentionally and makes the daughter fit in the wedding perfectly. Seeing as shes 11 I dont see it as a big deal. Perhaps if she was an older teen I may be a bit uncomfortable.

Just pretend its almost like shes a junior bridesmaid...only rather than you in a long dress, and her short, its reverse. Maybe it will be a new trend!

My little girl was my bridesmaid. She is 8. She wore a dress that was practically identical to mine, except that my overlay was lace, whilst hers was chiffon. Same length (tea length) same colour (ivory) same style.

The photos look fantastic. Me and my mini-me.

As an aside, as it was an April wedding, I was worried that she might get a little chilly and encouraged her to wear something as a cover up. She opted for a Joan-Collings-esque feather marabou cape - there was no doubt that she was the bridesmaid (on account of her being 8) and who was the bride.

Thanks all. I have to be honest Saisi I did look at other dresses on line and if there wasn't a tight budget I might have ordered one on Friday when I was super miffed but I do like my dress.

Besides Little Cathy is right "If it's been done by the mother in any way to upset you, then just think how coordinated the photos will look and how she'll be kicking herself that it backfired!" (cant get it to do the quote thing sorry).

Particularly as I am now going to get OH to phone her and see if she wants us to order her a sash in the same colour as the mens ties etc who knows I might even get one myself.

As someone else said, be glad that she's happy to come along and dress up nicely and celebrate the day with you. Nobody will, or could upstage the bride on her wedding day. You'll look stunning and everybody's eyes will be on you....... Having said that, I'm going to have 3 very very cute little bridesmaids and I fully expect them to be the centre of attention!