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JengleBells1983
Beginner May 2008

Grrr I'm so mad! BM issues

JengleBells1983, 28 April, 2008 at 11:08 Posted on Planning 0 80

Hi All, ?

Well this is a good start to a Monday morning but I am still absolutely fuming after this weekend! Just to clarify, it was 4 weeks to go on Saturday. ?

Right, deep cleansing breath.... and begin.

On Saturday morning I had an appointment for my BM's and I to have a dress fitting. This fitting had been booked for at least 3 months. H2B was working all weekend and had the car so my CBM offered to drive us all out (bridal shop in country village about 20 miles from the city) and I arranged for my Mum (who lives in said country village) to meet us with all of our shoes.

In a general conversation to one of my BM's last week it transpired that she had completely forgotten that we had a fitting booked and had booked flights to go to Holland to see her boyfriend. Although I was miffed, it was no biggy as I knew it was a genuine mistake and she isnt the type of person to do that on purpose. I called the bridal shop and arranged for her to go in on her own next Saturday to have her fitting. Sorted.?

So my CBM and other BM were due to meet at my flat in the morning on Saturday to go out for our fitting. Half an hour before they were due to arrive I get a text from my CBM saying that she had just got up and was "ill" so she couldnt come to the fitting but could she go to the fitting with the other BM next week?

Now this might not seem so bad and at this stage I sound completely unreasonable but I was narked for the following reasons:

1. My other BM was being driven out to my flat by her Dad (she is only 15) and they live right out of the city in the opposite direction to where the bridal shop is and would have more than likely already have left to come into the city.

2. My CBM was supposed to be driving so therefore I had to cancel the whole thing and reschedule for 4 people not just 1. I also had to cancel my Mum meeting us. My CBM hadn't even thought that this would be an issue.

3. She does things like this all the time, cancels meeting for wedding and non wedding related get togethers. If I am due to be meeting her I am now checking my phone to see if she cancels, more often than not she does.

4. She has not made any effort at any stage while the wedding has been planned. I have made so many sacrifices for her to be a part of my wedding as she is supposed to be my best friend but nothing has been appreciated, no thank yous, nothing. If anything she has given me one preverbial slap in the face after another.?

She is also booked herself completely up for every weekend from now until the wedding day so making plans which she needs to be involved in is turning into a nightmare! She sent me a text promising she would be entirely wedding focused as of this week but how can she be when she doesnt even have time to make a make up trial.?

Forgive me but are these the actions of someone who is supposed to be a CBM?! ☹️!] I'm am so sorry for the long post but I seriously needed to get this off my chest.?

80 replies

Latest activity by Boxof BaldKittens, 28 April, 2008 at 18:41
  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    If she was ill theres nothing she could have done about it. Do you really want an ill person driving a car full of people about?

    And I cannot understand why you are upset that she is making plans, really silly to think that your CBM should put her weekends on hold for you. I think you need to step back a bit and look at the bigger picure. Your wedding is the no1 focus for you but not for everyone else.

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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    Just to add that you also say that she does things like this all the time, then what did you expect of her? If you ask someone who cancels meeting and appointments all the time then you cant suddenly expect them to turn up to things just because they are wedding related.

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    soon2bsummers ·
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    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.

    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!

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  • JengleBells1983
    Beginner May 2008
    JengleBells1983 ·
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    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there for fittings that took half an hour.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.

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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    And so you should!!
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But saying that she always cancelling meetings and things what did you expect? Your peed off with someone you know is unreliable.
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrar bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
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  • S
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But saying that she always cancelling meetings and things what did you expect? Your peed off with someone you know is unreliable.
    id="quote">

    It's one thing cancelling drinks with friends etc but when it comes to the wedding she has been asked to play such an important role she should be making more of an effort especially since JB1983 did it for her.
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  • Maxi
    Beginner February 2008
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there for fittings that took half an hour.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But she said she was ill? Unless you're calling her a liar.

    All I asked of my bm's was to go for dress fittings, have make-up trial, go to rehersal and be there on the day - they were! What else do you expect from them?

    There's no harm done really, yes, you've been inconvenienced but everyone will get their fittings done next weekend. With 4 weeks to go you need to preserve your energy ?
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrar bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
    id="quote">

    Well you obviously see it in a completely different light to me then! Guess I'm just a traditionalist!
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But saying that she always cancelling meetings and things what did you expect? Your peed off with someone you know is unreliable.
    id="quote">

    It's one thing cancelling drinks with friends etc but when it comes to the wedding she has been asked to play such an important role she should be making more of an effort especially since JB1983 did it for her.
    id="quote">

    So important that she asked someone totally unreliable to be there. And the fact that the friend is not doing the same speaks volumes about the friendship.
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  • CountDuckula
    Beginner August 2009
    CountDuckula ·
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I have made so many sacrifices for her to be a part of my wedding as she is supposed to be my best friend
    id="quote">

    How big of you. I don't understand why she isn't falling to her knees with gratitude.
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  • JengleBells1983
    Beginner May 2008
    JengleBells1983 ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But saying that she always cancelling meetings and things what did you expect? Your peed off with someone you know is unreliable.
    id="quote">

    But if your best friend has asked you to be a part of her wedding in a really important role such as CBM and you have agreed then surely you should at least make an effort to be less unreliable.

    I am by no means surprised when she cancels just upset that being CBM obviously isnt high on her priority list. If you agree to be someones CBM or even BM then you would assume that it is important to them too.
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrar bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
    id="quote">

    Well you obviously see it in a completely different light to me then! Guess I'm just a traditionalist!
    id="quote">

    NO but I do think that you cant get your head buried so far into wedding stuff that you cant see the reasonable for the fluff.
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    I am well aware that my wedding is not no 1 focus for everyone else but when I was CBM for her she EXPECTED me to be there for everything she needed me for and I was.

    She bought dresses in Edinburgh which is a 2 and a half hour train journey away and I put aside whole days and took days off work to be there.

    I guess I just expected the same kind of commitment in return.
    id="quote">

    But saying that she always cancelling meetings and things what did you expect? Your peed off with someone you know is unreliable.
    id="quote">

    But if your best friend has asked you to be a part of her wedding in a really important role such as CBM and you have agreed then surely you should at least make an effort to be less unreliable.

    I am by no means surprised when she cancels just upset that being CBM obviously isnt high on her priority listid="blue">. If you agree to be someones CBM or even BM then you would assume that it is important to them too.

    id="quote">

    Why should it be. You wear a dress and hold flowers and take a few pictures.

    And to be honest if I was asked to be a CBM I would hate to think that I would have to be at every dress fitting and that the bride would be annoied that I would do such a shocking thing as arrange things to do at the weekend other than fawn over her wedding plans. How dare she make plans?
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  • claires
    Beginner July 2008
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    I have to agree with BoB and CD

    if you knew she was unreliable, then you cant really expect anymore. If she was genuinely ill, then i thinkn she did the right thing staying awa, and she did say she can go next weekend

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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrarid="blue"> bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
    id="quote">

    Strange I always that was rather an important role too!
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrarid="blue"> bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
    id="quote">

    Strange I always that was rather an important role too!
    id="quote">

    And thats what it is a "role". Your getting married not taking part in am dram production. Basically you need a bride a groom , Vicar/Registrar and two randoms to sign and that is all. Everything else is just material and is not legally required to get married. But people put too much emphasis on the "everything else" that it turns silly and causes arguments when it is not necessary. Whether who turn up for what is neother here nor there, you can stilo get married if the CBM does not match in with the colour scheme.
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    If she has told you that she will entirely wedding focused and keeps cancelling on you then you have every right to be angry I think.

    Being CBM doesn't just mean she's there to hold your bouquet as far as I'm concerned! It should be an honour to be asked to play such an important role in your wedding and she should be taking it more seriously.id="blue">
    Of course the other BM not being well cant be helped though!


    id="quote">

    Oh please! What is the CBM doing apart from that and arranging a booze up? Being asked to be a CBM is not an honour its just a role in the wedding along with the vicar/resistrarid="blue"> bridesmaids etc... The most impeortant thing is that you and H are there getting wed and so easy to get fluffed up and ranty about bridesmaids and colours and menu choices.
    id="quote">

    Strange I always that was rather an important role too!
    id="quote">

    And thats what it is a "role". Your getting married not taking part in am dram production. Basically you need a bride a groom , Vicar/Registrar and two randoms to sign and that is all. Everything else is just material and is not legally required to get married. But people put too much emphasis on the "everything else" that it turns silly and causes arguments when it is not necessary. Whether who turn up for what is neother here nor there, you can stilo get married if the CBM does not match in with the colour scheme.
    id="quote">

    I totally agree but I think the issue was her friend letting her down NOT her colour scheme!
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  • CountDuckula
    Beginner August 2009
    CountDuckula ·
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    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.

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  • Boxof BaldKittens
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    And you do not seem to grasp that the OP has said that this was not the first time she had been let doen by this friend (even though she was ill and who in the world can help that) so just wondering what she expected off a friend who has a track record of not turning up? And also pointing out that it does not matter if she's not as committed to the role in the manner that that the OP wishes her to be.

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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    Well said.?

    Though in wedding world the woman should have dragged herself out of her sick bed and drove a car full of people 20 miles to look at dresses.
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  • Kit Phisto
    Beginner May 2008
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    Surely if you know your friend is this unreliable you knew what to expect? I have a friend who is a bit 'flaky' in that she's sometimes a bit in world of her own. She is one of my BM's but booked a 3 month trip to New Zealand that meant she only gets back 4 days before the wedding (plus she booked it, then called to casually check when the date of teh wedding was!). This meant some issues in getting them all together for dress shopping plus she obviously couldn't be at my hen weekend, but that's who she is, my wedding day is not her primary focus, nor is it for the rest of my bridesmaids. My BM's also all live away from me so in essence I saw them to ask them to be the BM's, 7 months later I saw them to buy the dresses, 2 months after that was hen weekend and the next time I see them will be the night before the wedding. I would have loved them to be around more to share in the planning/lead up to the wedding but it's just not practical. So maybe you should be thankful they are all at least local!

    I think you are being unreasonable however I also think it is fine to be miffed about being messed around and to have a rant on here.

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  • CountDuckula
    Beginner August 2009
    CountDuckula ·
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    quote:Originally posted by Boxof BaldKittens
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    Well said.?

    Though in wedding world the woman should have dragged herself out of her sick bed and drove a car full of people 20 miles to look at dresses.
    id="quote">

    Selfih cow eh? She could have at least provided a Dr's note.
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
    id="quote">

    So her best friend not being there means that its all off then? I managed to get married without my best friend there and so do plently of other people. If it does not impeed legal requirments to get married then it's small stuff.
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    I dont remember her saying she was going to call it off if her best friend wasn't there?!?

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  • CountDuckula
    Beginner August 2009
    CountDuckula ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
    id="quote">

    They have another appointment arranged. It's small stuff. She was ill, people can still get ill even if their mate is getting married. Shocking innit? ?
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  • JengleBells1983
    Beginner May 2008
    JengleBells1983 ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
    id="quote">

    yeah maybe i should have thought about it before asking her but I asked her and she said yes.

    It wasn't just to look at dresses, it was to be fitted into a dress that I bought for her at the very last minute because I was being sympathetic to the fact that she wanted to loose as much weight as possible before ordering a dress.

    And brides having their heads up their arses and cant see whats important for fluff definately does not apply to me thanks! I am 5 months pregnant and know exactly what important and whats not!

    My friendship is important to me and I am allowed to rant about it when I am upset when my so called best friend does things that stress me out 4 weeks before my wedding and when I am under stress with having a baby.
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    I dont remember her saying she was going to call it off if her best friend wasn't there?!?
    id="quote">

    Not the OP but you are the one that thinks thats it's vitally important and the CBM is an honored roll.

    Once more from the top..... does it matter if the best friend turns up for a dress appointment or not? Her friend let her down before so wheres the surprise? And over all taking everything into consideration does it matter?
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    soon2bsummers ·
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    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
    id="quote">

    They have another appointment arranged. It's small stuff. She was ill, people can still get ill even if their mate is getting married. Shocking innit? ?
    id="quote">

    Obviously no one can help being ill! (as I have already said)

    Its the fact that she is letting her down (previous to that) NOT what she is letting her down over...
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  • Boxof BaldKittens
    Boxof BaldKittens ·
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    quote:Originally posted by JengleBells1983
    quote:Originally posted by soon2bsummers
    quote:Originally posted by CountDuckula
    Actually, the issue is about brides disappearing up their own arses, sweating the small stuff and risking ruining friendships and family relations over things which are not particularly important.
    id="quote">

    I agree that maybe she should've thought about it before asking her if she has a history of letting her down but I would hardly say that her so called best friend not being there for her is "sweating over the small stuff"
    id="quote">

    yeah maybe i should have thought about it before asking her but I asked her and she said yes.

    It wasn't just to look at dresses, it was to be fitted into a dress that I bought for her at the very last minute because I was being sympathetic to the fact that she wanted to loose as much weight as possible before ordering a dress.

    And brides having their heads up their arses and cant see whats important for fluff definately does not apply to me thanks! I am 5 months pregnant and know exactly what important and whats not!

    My friendship is important to me and I am allowed to rant about it when I am upset when my so called best friend does things that stress me out 4 weeks before my wedding and when I am under stress with having a baby.
    id="quote">

    You can only be stressed out if you let it get to you. You paid for the dress which was your choice, you chose someone who is unreliable which was your choice. The fact that you are 5 months pregnant is neither here nore there, you letting yourself get swept up in all the weddingy stuff and keeping an eye on the bigger picture. And that shows in the fact that you were venting about her being ill and not being able to drive you to the dress shop; and if you had had an accident what would have been more important then?
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