Grumpy them and us type rant about Hitched

Ruthy - you gave me some useful pc advice a while back, which I found very helpful - thanks again!

back onto the subject at hand though, I think it's all very well and good having people introduce themselves the first time they post, but think it would be odd if they did it each time they posted on a new board. So many people post or lurk on all that I don't think there is a need. Also, I wouldn't ignore a post if I could answer it just because it was written by a 'newbie', although I might be less inclined to answer if, from the posts I'd seen from them previously, they were needy/irritating/thankless etc....

I'm posting now as someone 'in hiding' while I posted on TTC threads, and more recently pregnancy threads on BT. I don't think I'm a hugely well known hitcher under my normal log-in, but don't want to have to keep saying that I'm a regular hitcher every time I have a question and think it would be a shame if I had to in order to get a response... (I haven't had to do that on BT btw - alot of people have been very helpful?)

Actually, maybe it's more presumptuous for a stranger to think they can join in with a conversation than start one.......... ?

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree with those who say OT can be scary. I lurk and post infrequently, the boards are a great place to pick up advice on a variety of subjects through lurking alone. It is sometimes quite intimidating to post so I tend to do so more on fluffy threads really.

Saying that I had the need to post on BT last week and I did start off with an introduction to say I was an OT lurker to explain my existence there.

What makes me laugh about this is how do you know when people haven't introduced themselves/contributed before asking? And if the answer to that is that you know they haven't, then surely that indicates something about how much time you spend on the forum and how important it has become in your life to really care that much to know all this? Interestingly, BGB is showing as the highest contributor to the forums (not sure if this is a daily count - 49?) so probably not that surprising you feel annoyed as you must see pretty much all the comings and goings of posters.

If however, that's a wrong assumption for me to make, I apologise. However, if that's not the course, as I said, how do you know how much people are and aren't contributing? I really don't see the issue with the take, take argument as surely if that pi$$es people off, then they can show this by not replying to those who don't contribute and they would soon get the message.

However, I'd imagine a lot of you are so bored with how quiet this place is but I can't help wondering if these threads moaning about people taking more than giving etc are a contributory factor to that?

OK playing devils advocate here sometimes OT can be hard to breach in terms of joining general chit chat etc. Some threads can be quite exclusive to the OT regulars so if you don't feel like you can join in the in-jokes I guess some people just pop over here to ask for advice or pose a question.

Why is OT so dead these days??

Well it's baron's thread, not mine so he might be better placed to answer here, but if people are too intimidated to join in on any threads (and they're not all cliquey friends stuff) then I don't see why they suddenly manage to lose that when they have a question.

I wasn't suggesting that people are too intimidated to "speak" on OT full stop.

For what it's worth even if these people only post to ask a question I'd take it as a compliment that she thinks the collective on OT is worth asking, but that's just me trying to look at the positive ?

Well I think once or twice it's fine but there are some people who post strings of questions with barely a thank you and it does wear thin after a while ?

Well there is no excuse for lack of manners so I can understand people getting miffed about that!!

Not sure why I'm even replying. Should I introduce myself first?

I think I'm fairly well known on BT but not particularly on OT. I do lurk here though - more recently as when I'm online everyone else is asleep so the boards are (all) fairly static from my point of view.

It is threads like this that make me less likely to post anything on OT other than basic information - most likely replying if I can add to a conversation or help somebody - but occasionally (although I don't remember the last time - maybe when I was thinking of moving to NZ) asking a completely non-baby related question that I'd like a wider audience to than I'd get on BT. I'm certainly a bit scared of expressing an opinion on here now.

Yes, on BT I'm more likely to reply to a hitcher I 'know' (either IRL or someone I've got to know on the board) but I also do my fair share of replying to new people if I think I can help. Everyone has to start off as somebody new and it makes it a bloody unfriendly place if new people are ignored or discouraged from joining in because of their newness. There are a couple of hitchers who only seem to appear when they've got a question & then bugger off again but I'll either ignore them or rise above it and reply if I can help.

Quite. I've already seen several people say they're worried about posting here.

I am more of a lurker than a poster on here, but have noticed people moaning recently about how quiet it is on here; threads like this are hardly likely to encourage us lurkers to post more are they? (although I do realise that I have completely contradicted myself by posting on this thread!)

Same. Fret not people - if you're charmless or hapless it matters not whether you're a regular or not, you'll be ignored anyway. And by the same token, if you're nice, you won't be. ?

I don't take enough notice clearly. Who are these people who contribute nothing but questions?

I confess, I don't really notice who is posting what; either it interests me and I can contribute or it doesn't. It's not really about the person. Aren't I awful? ?

I'm the same really. And I can never remember who posted what.

Maybe I should keep a spreadsheet, like BGB ?

I dislike any thread which encourages the notion of a 'them and us' culture. I simply don't see it. We're all Hitchers who have different interests/needs/thing in common so we go to different boards.

I consider myself to be a BTer and an OTer and I get verrry defensive of the other wherever I am. I hate people on here who do the old "oooh look what this BTer is saying here" and get all sneery. Equally I jump on BTers who trot out the "OTers are so mean" line.

I agree in one sense - take take take people irritate my no end. But I disagree that you can say that they're people who use other boards more often than here.

There are purrrrrrr-lenty of OT regulars who only ask (stupid) question and offer nothing in return.

I was an OT'er for about a year before posting on BT and now post on both. To be honest threads like this just make people question before they post and paranoid. This is a forum not a private club. OT is a quiet board lately.

I was just about to post a question OT. After drafting my Hello, my name is blah blah, i couldn't be arsed to finish it. This all seems so petty.

I am so amused by the number of people who give a stuff about this thread

BGB is just being a bit of an old woman really - i am amazed people take it so seriously

there will always be people who get your back up, days that you feel pissy - so what?

post or dont post - people will like or dislike you- ignore or otherwise regardless of this thread

what a mountain out of a molehill

Look, it's purely my perception but I do see OT being taken for the information mine of the Hitched forums. I'm active some days, not so much on others but you'll have to take my word for it that most Hitchers really don't register with me so it's not a case of me ticking off a list of who's contributed enough to be worthy of asking something of us ?. Yesterday must have been unusual as I post much less than I used to because I'm at home much less.

My original post was worded badly (and grumpily) but I have attempted to clarify. All of a sudden it's become an attempt for people to jump on board and justify their existence when that was a) never my intention and b) no-one posting on this thread is a 'taker'. I particularly sad that people like Swampy felt that this could even refer to them. I still feel my original point is valid - OT seems to have become the Citizens Advice Bureau of Hitched and I don't see the same faces returning to the board to offer something in return whether it be a 'didn't want to read and run, hun' or something more substantial.

The reason OT is so quiet is that the forums are difficult to find so you don't have the feed of planners who no longer obsess about their weddings but still like the feel of the place. I think BT retains its user base because your life becomes centred around your children and you naturally seek out people with whom you have stuff in common. You know Kaz that the 'them and us' always used to refer to planning vs. OT and that was most definitely a tongue in cheek referring directly to that.