Guest list depression

Maybe you should invite the ones you say would misbehave. If they're good friends you can always ask them to behave on the night without offending them! You might regret it if they're not there and your friendships might suffer if they know they've been left out of your big day. I'm hating the guest list part. Its awful having to decide everyone!!

View quoted message

I'd do that! There are lots of ways to have a lovely intimate wedding with fewer than 30 people - plus you'd actually be able to sit and chat with everyone instead of rushing round trying to pay attention to all the distant relatives and obscure friends!

We didn't really have any problems filling our numbers, but it's sure been depressing having to keep chasing people to respond time and time again to our invites- we're now nearly a month beyond our RSVP date and still have about 15 people that haven't replied one way or the other.

It's a little sad some of the people we wished were coming but can't (or won't) but I guess that's life really.

View quoted message

No can do I'm afraid. Some of them are the type that would not even realise they had said something wrong. Can't risk our deepest secret Friday night activities being inadvertantly revealed to elderly aunts can we?!

We are having about 50-60 guests who are coming all day and evening with no seperate guests. When we first put together the guest list we were the same. Its strange sitting down and thinking about who you feel close enough to to want them to be part of your day, in the pics etc.

However, we did just decide, sod it, we will have the smaller wedding with people we really want, where we will both feel relaxed, and actually be really thankful for the fact that we have some amazing people in our lives.

I would always rather have fewer closer friends, than lots of 'friends' who I don't feel comfortable being around my family etc.

View quoted message

There's a really voyeuristic part of me that's dying to know what could be so bad?! LMAO.

I think if you know you can't trust these friends to behave appropriately, you're going to cause yourself an immense amount of stress if you invite them anyway. What about organising a post-wedding knees up with said friends so you're still celebrating with them, but at least no aunties will be upset?!

?WSS! I'm also intrigued though

Listen honey I had a major trauma in my life and the real mates I had I could count on one hand ! They are all crawling back for an invite now and you know what ? They can forget it ! Don't be sad in my opinion it is better to be surrounded by the genuine on your wedding day and if you have just a handful of those you have more than most ! ( THEY JUST DON'T REALISE IT YET ! )

View quoted message

I could have written this myself, down to the exact same numbers!!

I think having to sit down and write a guest list does make you analyse your relationships, but it needn't be a negative experience. Think about the people you ARE inviting and why they are special to you. The numbers (unless your venue has minimum requirements!!) are unimportant. Besides, with a smaller number of guests at least you're pretty much guaranteed to be able to speak to everyone there on the day and enjoy their company for a while.

View quoted message

PMSL! I just hang out with some really 'colourful' characters, engage in some 'social interaction' and wear weird outfits while I'm doing it! And it's not something the old fogies would approve of - even if they understood it.

You do realise that, whatever it is you do, your description above has just made it sound ten times worse...?

View quoted message

Sounds like you have given yourself some pretty good advice there ?

Seriously though, don't feel down, as long as you and your h2b are there - any extras are a bonus, right??

? Chin up

xxx

View quoted message

What do you think it is aj? Cosplay? Swingers club? Dungeon? Line Dancing? Burlesque cabaret?

Yeah, its one of those.

I know that feeling well. I have always struggled making friends. I have tons of acquaintances but only a couple of people that I would call proper friends. OH's better than me but still doesn't have more than a handful of good friends.

There's nothing wrong with this except that I really would like more friends, I'm just so scared and shy that it'll never happen.

Your wedding will be fantastic whoever's there x

View quoted message

Well the 2 of us plus witnesses is the legal minimum - so yes guests are an optional extra. I suppose there may be people who make ths list at the last moment - who knows who we will meet in the next 6 months.

And I guess I should take my own advice more often!

First of all having less than 40 friends is not weird, it's normal. I don't have 40 actual friends but I have that many acquaintances and friends I have lost touch with over the years. I don't think it's possible to have that many true friends, how would you even have time to maintain those friendships? I wouldnt feel bad about that at all!

Secondly don't feel you should pad out the guest list with people you wouldn't otherwise invite. If it makes you feel any better, we have too many people to invite and we are hoping they'll say no, but that's because we both have large families and there are certain people we have to invite. I think that most people with an evening list have the same problem - i.e too many family members not too many friends!

My family members probably outweigh my friends on our guest list; I have many acquaintances but very few friends but I am more than happy with that! For my OH it is the other way around, his family have always been vile so his friends have always been more important to him so ‘his side’ of the guest list is all friends and no family.

Between us we have 80 names but the most important thing for both of us is that every single one of those people, whether related to us or not, is on the list because they wish us well and want to celebrate our wedding day with us for the happy occasion it is!

We wrote out must have list guest wise and then decided that no one who was not on the must have guest list was not invited, didn't really think about how they would behave as i have just assumed they will all be on best behaviour....

I don't have that many friends but i treasure the ones i do have!

I thought this as well, I was thinking 'arrgghh what if I only end up with 30 actually coming because others can't make it' but then I thought well, that would be people who have made every effort to be there to celebrate with you. It also gives you more time to relax and just enjoy it. I am lucky that my venue doesn't have minimum numbers due to our date so if 20/30 people don't come it doesn't affect us, in fact it would save us a hell of a lot of money - more champagne for those that do make it! ?

My bet is on the sex dungeon

View quoted message

If it was 'dungeon' as in 'dungeons and dragons' I'm so there!! I love my geeky hobbies! ?

My bet is on the cosplay

View quoted message

WSS!!!! I also am in this situation, especially with a couple of so-called friends from work who tend to get very drunk and misbehave, whilst others used to be quite close friends but have distanced themselves slowly, no explanation why, even before we parted ways following the closure of our dept and us all moving to other areas of the same company...

I am trying to cut down my list as I am trying to invite friends to the evening because my whole day is just family and the bridal party but we havn't excluded anyone because they might misbehave as I have told people they are to behave lol but then my friends know that they misbehave when they get drunk. We have also talked to the bar at the hotel and made sure they don't offer shots and that anyone who is drunk already can't buy more alcohol. Maybe I am just trying to be a spoil sport but I know they can enjoy themselves anyways without drinking.

View quoted message

We're just having a non alcoholic drinks package (including shloer for toasting) with a pay bar, working on the principle that people are less likely to drink in excess if they've got to pay for it themselves.

Like you, I know that the people we're inviting will be perfectly capable of having a good time without needing to run up a bar tab the size of a small third world country. I just can't figure out why some people think that if you can remember last night you didn't enjoy yourself enough...