Guest list options

I think it really depends on guests locations and travel arrangements, but that aside, I don't see a problem with it in general but I wouldn't word it quite that way, I'd word it that they are invited to the evening but that they would be very welcome to join for the ceremony as well.

Good thinking - thanks!

It's supposed to be classed as bad etiquette to invite people to the ceremony and the evening do but not the meal. we have friends that we've invited to the evening reception but not the wedding breakfast, but we would obviously love to have them at the ceremony. we've explained the budget situation to them and told them all that they're more than welcome to attend the ceremony, but we don't expect them to travel all that way to be there to twiddle their thumbs whilst we all eat dinner, and that we'll understand if they'd rather just set off later and only attend the evening. most completely understand that we have to work within a budget - a few have even decided to travel up together, attend the ceremony and then head off for a meal and an afternoon of sight seeing before coming to the evening do.

This is exactly it - this is aimed at those who will be travelling together - couples or families as we feel it's a bit rubbish for them to make the effort and travel up the night before and pay for accommodation (because one of the family is invited to the day), and only be invited to the evening.

Hello and thanks for your input! Just to be clear, when you refer to the reception, are you talking about the wedding breakfast or evening? Just because I've been calling the evening and reception the same thing!

Yeah I know exactly where you're coming from - we are getting married in Northumberland but most of our friends will be travelling from Lancashire and Leicestershire so it's a long way for them to come to not be offered a meal! Like I said though, they've been really understanding about it and everyone knows that if they want to they can attend the church, but we will understand if they don't.

the wedding breakfast is separate to the reception. the reception generally refers to the evening party xx

Ok my initial response was no IMO its not right to invite people to the ceremony but not the meal BUT i think you can work it if you send the invites out as normal (day and evening only) then mention to the ones that might be travelling up together that they are welcome to come to the ceremony if they want to...i don't think you should officially invite them to ceremony as the invitation could get too wordy and confusing but theres no harm in mentioning it when you next see them!! also i am presuming here that you have 2 separate venues (one ceremony and one wedding breakfast/evening?) thats fine and would work as you can leave the ceremony only guests at the ceremony venue....if you are having it all at one place (a hotel for example) i don't think you can invite them to the ceremony and evening only as i think it would be too hard to know when they can stay until etc e.g if you go off the have welcome drinks or pics, the evening guests may wonder whether they go then or just before the wedding breakfast starts etc so if you have same venue for both i would say no! x

Sorry, I'm confused what you mean then when you said, "i would feel very put out that i was invited to a ceremony and a evening party but not to a reception." if the evening and reception is the same thing?

Thanks Mrs*W*2B - I totally see what you mean. Our day is all at the same hotel venue so many will also be staying here as well!

We have hired out the floor, so there is one main room and two other rooms - one a bar area and other a smaller room. After the ceremony, everyone moves to the bar anyway, while the room gets turned around for the breakfast. What do you think if those who were not attending the wedding breakfast could stay at the bar if they wanted to? I could check if the bar would serve food if the guests wanted to buy their own, or they could even go upstairs to the lounge area which would be open to the public anyway and they often serve lunch and afternoon tea. Then they come back down for the evening - again, guests leave the main room for it to be set up for the evening so everyone will be back at the bar again.

I didn't say that, I was trying to be helpful. But now I think I'm now just as confused as you are.... sorry dude! :-/ xx

BadgerBeetle - I'm glad I'm not the only one who is confused! And I really should pay more attention to who says what, haha. Thanks so much for your help Is good to sound things out sometimes.

I think as long as you make it very clear before the day it will be ok, as a guest if i was just told to come to the ceremony and then the evening...i would be a bit worried as to when i should leave after the ceremony e.g do i go straight away and leave the wedding breakfast guests to it or do i stay for a bit and then wave them off to their meal so unless this was explained before hand it could get a tad awkward ...

the reason i said maybe mention it verbally rather than formally on the invite is that a friend of mine was invited to a wedding by herself, travelled a long way to get there, and on her invite it stated the ceremony and the time of the ceremony and then the evening start time (meaning she was only invited to the ceremony and the evening) stupidly she mis-read the invite and presumed having told her the ceremony AND evening start time that she was invited to everything inbetween too!! needless to say it was very embarassing for her when she finally twigged that she didn't have a seat at the wedding breakfast (she just followed all the guests through) the bride and groom were lovely and got her another meal anyway and didn't turn her away but it was embarassing for everyone so be CRYSTAL clear!! haha x

No probs! I'm used to getting the 'glazed over' look from the OH when I try to work things out now, so this place is a lifesaver xx

just to clarify it was 'gracefly' who originally hinted that the reception and evening were different things ... 'badger beetle' was just telling you that the reception and evening are usually classed as the same thing (which is what i thought as well) i would say ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening/reception...but some people may call it different things! hope your not confused anymore x

I went to one of o/h's very close friends wedding ceremony, then we couldnt go to the wedding breakfast as if you invite one you invite all (12) of that group and they have alot of family, but we all went to the reception! we all loved it and it was a fun day, and we didnt feel snubbed at all!!!!!! however this was in a church then a hotel!!! ours is all in one venue and other half put his foot down and said he wanted his group of friends at the ceremony, and i thought it was very rude to expect them to stay in the bar while the the rest of us eat so they are coming to the entire day and night. our party of 40 has turned into 60 now!

if its all in one place it changes things dramatically!! i would feel a bit put out.

I think it's fine to just invite people to the ceremony and reception. I agree you would be better off just sending an evening invite and maybe just put in a little note to say that there is more room than you realised at the ceremony and they are welcome to that aswel. Just make sure you put times or something on so they know when the ceremony should be finishing and say that there is a lounge or bar where they can have something to eat in between, but obviously you understand if it is just easier for them to come to the reception. Best to be honest in the note than have to explain on the day that they have to make other arrangements while you are having your wedding breakfast. I've had this done to me before. A friend was getting married and a lot of people were invited to the ceremony as it was a big room, but the breakfast was a smaller affair with just family and really close friends, then everybody and more were invited to the reception. I didn't feel put out at all. She is a very good friend, but we're not close enough for her to leave someone else out for me and vice versa. Adding one more person to the breakfast is obviously more costly than to the ceremony or reception, and you have to think about space with the different seating arrangement, so you have to limit numbers, unless you are super rich and the room is huge, of course.

To be honest it would be really awkward to be invited to the ceremony and not the meal and then the evening. Those guests would go to the ceremony, then have to go home and wait around all dressed up and then return hours later. I think you need to keep it simple. You are either invited to the ceremony, breakfast/reception and evening or just the evening. It could cause quite a lot of confusion otherwise and how awkward would it be if someone didn't realise they we supposed to leave and started looking for what table they were going to sit at on the table plan!

Ive always called the reception the bit after the ceremony including the meal. I think wedding breakfast is a recent(ish) american way of calling it (don't quote me on that though) x