Guest lists

Families can be difficult, but you can sort this out. Part of me wants to say to you 'Your day, your way, so you can do as you want, don't let your family get you down!' and although that is true, it's also true that you have to deal with your family for years beyond your wedding, so some sensitivity is a good thing.

1) Aunts and Uncles. Could they not be given an evening invite? That way, you're treading a middle line. It's not as though you aren't inviting them at all, but you cannot be seen to be showing off. If they don't want to come, they don't have you - but you've been polite and sent an invite.

2) Bridesmaids and flower girls. Controversial, but why not either have bridesmaids/flower girls/both who aren't family members at all, or have none? I have a lot of young girls and boys in my family, and OH has a niece and nephew, so I've decided to have one bridesmaid who's an old friend, and no flower girls or page boys. That way, there have been no arguments or bad feeling because no one feels excluded at the expense of anyone else.

Deep breath and smile - it's YOUR day (and your OH!), you do things how you want them. We are being very selective with who we invite and we cannot invite everyone in the wider family, nor do I want to spend our day making small talk with people that I haven't seen in years. Can you compromise with an evening invite if you *have* to invite them?

As for the bridesmaids issue, it's hard, I am fortunate that are unlikely to have this problem as we are the only ones to have children. Could they be included in some other way maybe - handing out confetti cones, bubbles etc?

The only thing is, they all want the girls and boys to be all dressed up to the heavens and it will all be coming out of my purse.

OH's 2 brothers had weddings this year, people who were not invited turned up anyway, people bought flower girl dresses and stuck them in the pictures :o.

OH's Mum bought head bands for all the flower girls with out saying anything to anyone.

I don't know why I bother to worry they'll do as they please anyway.

Oh my goodness, I would be livid. Do you have a restriction on numbers for your venue? That's always a good way to keep numbers down - they can come to the church part (if you're having one) and then onto the evening.

I must be mean, I wouldn't tell people colours or anything - proper bridezilla lol!

50-54 MAX during the day and 100 evening.

Im am just going to have to grow a set and tell people no!

If they don't like it they don't have to come and see it not happen!

We have a rule - if we haven't seen/heard from that family member for more than 3 years they aren't coming. 3 years was just our random number.

So that means my step-nan andGrandad, aunts, uncles, cousins and even my biological father are not invited.

All of OH's family is so it makes up numbers anyway. We are only having a small ceremony of just 32 of us and 50 for the evening so if anyone gets stupid over it I will tell them 1. Numbers are small and 2. You weren't interested in me until you heard about a free meal.

?

That's exactly what I was thinking!! and a few people in my family are like that!!
Im officially taking that approach!

We invited the tiniest amount of family, nothing against them but never see them and don't have much in common.

We had mostly friends and they're the people we love and wanted around us. Don't be bullied in to inviting near-strangers just because you're related to them!