Guests asking for plus ones

Hmm tricky one. We are doing the same and only asking people to bring a plus one if they wont know anyone there or will only know people that they have met once or twice and this has caused no problems to anyone so far although i suspect one family member isn't coming because of it. I think if it was me i would have it as a fast and loose rule not a strict one. If a friend of mine was travelling for the wedding and mentioned bringing her mum i would lkeave it at that and add her mum to the list etc... however im incredibly easy going about everything and wouldn't think of it again but if you feel quite strongly about having people there you don't know i'm sure she will understand as shes your friend xx

I haven't sent out our invites yet, so I can't offer any helpful advice..... but I just wanted to say that it amazes me when I read things like this!!!! If I got a wedding invitation that was only addressed to me, there's no way I would call the couple and enquire/demand that my OH be invited!! I would just accept that he hadn't been, maybe feel a bit sad about it, but ultimately understand that there's probably a very good reason and be happy I was asked to share the couple's day!! And maybe I'll change my mind when it's my invites people are questioning but I'm planning on taking that line with any guest who query me!! (Although I accept this may be naive bravery and in the event I'll crumble and be 20-odd people over ?).

I recently received an invite from friends of mine who are getting married and they only invited me. OH wasn't invited, even though we will be married by then. They have met him of course but I know them much better. We went to uni together and I met him after that. I assumed that it was a numbers thing so just RSVPed saying I would love to come. I wasn't thrilled to be honest, because I personally wouldn't invite one half of a couple if they were in a serious long term relationship and loved together etc but I knew they have big families and suspected it was numbers. I would never have asked to bring him and put them in that situation. My friend replied to my RSVP saying by the way, sorry we can't have your OH, numbers are a nightmare.

I do understand why and so does OH (although I think he was slightly hurt tbh) BUT I think a message with the invite or via text etc would have made it much more pleasant. I thought it was probably a numbers thing but you never quite know unless you are told!

I think now you have explained the reasons to people they should accept it. No idea what you do about your friends mum!!

Thanks - I agree with you all.

I am pretty laid back about it all too, and fortunate that our venue can take up to 150 and we have a little bit of room in our budget for extras.

I will most likely let my friend's mum come and just add her to the list (altho I can't remember her name!). She is someone who needs attention and to be around people, so it will probably be helpful to have someone there for her.

I would certainly never assume that you can just bring a plus one, we have been pretty surprised!!

I would also be a little offended I think if my husband wasn't invited to a wedding. We have invited married partners and long term living together partners even when we don't know them well, it is just recentish partners and people we don't know at all, and obviously people with no partner like my friend with her mum!!

I got the impression guest B was a little put out, altho she said she was fine.

It's a tough one.

Personally we are on a struck budget and we only inviting OHs who we know but we are giving the option to the younger members of our family that they can have a plus one however they will have to pay for their OHs meal. This may sound mean but we simply don't have the funds to add more people to the wedding and to be honest most people are fine with it

I had 2 guests ask about plus ones. I said no to both for different reasons.

Guest A & B- you've said no already. If necessary, I'd say numbers are tight & your have budgeted for a set amount (they don't need to know the room holds more guests or you have extra money.)

The friends mum- as above, but she can come to the evening part.

Personally, I'd stick to your guns and use the extra cash for something nice for yourselves, or to invite other close friends/family, rather than random plus ones you dont even know.

I can fully understand your points. We are similar that we are tight on numbers and no doubt we will have to make some difficult decisions along the way. I can't help thinking that id be pretty upset if me or OH wasn't invited, having not been in that position, I don't know if I would go or not. i think I would draw the line at, if they live together they're invited together.

i know it's difficult, budgets don't stretch etc, just thought I'd throw it out there! xxx

I totally feel your pain! Our rule has been, no plus one unless you have a plus one. This is specifically for my sister - who you would think would know better! She asked as soon as we got engaged if she could have a plus one and hasn't stopped going on about it since! We ahve told her in no uncertain terms that she cannot.

We have invited everyone's OH's, as most of them have been in long-term relationships or are married. There will be a few people there I haven't met before, but some people jsut don't feel comfortable without the OH's there and I want everyone to have a wonderful time at our wedding.

Somone said something about a fast and loose rule, which is exactly how you should play it. Is it an option to have a few extra plus one's for the evening instead of the whole day?

I think it's odd that she would assume she can just invite her mum and I would say no. As for partners of friends, we're invited them if they've been in a long term relationship even if we've never met them because I know i would be insulted if I received an invite to wedding without my oh and think it would be rude not to.

A detail I didn't mention that complicated it a little is that our venue has accommodation for up to around 60 guests, so many of the day time guests have been invited to stay for the weekend Fri-Mon, all of the guests I mentioned were invited to stay. The main reason for this is that the majority of guests are travelling a long way so inviting just as an extra for the evening isn't really an option if they would be travelling together. The guests have been asked to pay a set (small) amount for the accommodation and most rooms sleep 3 or - if my friend's mum comes and stays and pays the accommodation charge we will actually be better off as it will cover the amount we would pay for her meal, and we already have a ll the booze in for how ever many people we end up with so this cost won't change. She can share in the room with my friend in a bed which would have been spare anyway.

But yes I agree I did find it a little odd that she assumed she could come with her mum!

A detail I didn't mention that complicated it a little is that our venue has accommodation for up to around 60 guests, so many of the day time guests have been invited to stay for the weekend Fri-Mon, all of the guests I mentioned were invited to stay. The main reason for this is that the majority of guests are travelling a long way so inviting just as an extra for the evening isn't really an option if they would be travelling together. The guests have been asked to pay a set (small) amount for the accommodation and most rooms sleep 3 or - if my friend's mum comes and stays and pays the accommodation charge we will actually be better off as it will cover the amount we would pay for her meal, and we already have a ll the booze in for how ever many people we end up with so this cost won't change. She can share in the room with my friend in a bed which would have been spare anyway.

But yes I agree I did find it a little odd that she assumed she could come with her mum!

It's a little odd that she thinks she can bring her mum, but if you're not too bothered then I'd just invite her.

Maybe point out that you are restricted on numbers so she doesn't bring anyone else?

A detail I didn't mention that complicated it a little is that our venue has accommodation for up to around 60 guests, so many of the day time guests have been invited to stay for the weekend Fri-Mon, all of the guests I mentioned were invited to stay. The main reason for this is that the majority of guests are travelling a long way so inviting just as an extra for the evening isn't really an option if they would be travelling together. The guests have been asked to pay a set (small) amount for the accommodation and most rooms sleep 3 or - if my friend's mum comes and stays and pays the accommodation charge we will actually be better off as it will cover the amount we would pay for her meal, and we already have a ll the booze in for how ever many people we end up with so this cost won't change. She can share in the room with my friend in a bed which would have been spare anyway.

But yes I agree I did find it a little odd that she assumed she could come with her mum!

To be honest I think asking is fine, Ive asked before because it hasnt been clear and found that people do have plus 1's and children are allowed too

I think telling someone is a different thing, Id be offended if someone RSVP'd saying 'Im bring'... well unless you asked and where told its ok or it was clearly listed as +1 then no your bloody well not 'bringing' anyone ?

We're doing something similar. As long as they know other people, we're not inviting their OH. We've got some room in the evening though, so we're saying that partners can come in the evening. At least then they'll have someone to dance with!

My friend from abroad has said he's bringing his mum, dad and brother. That's putting a bit of a strain on the numbers! I had a chat with him and explained how tight things were, and he understands.

It's a horrible conversation to have, but I'm sure real friends would rather be there to celebrate your special day than have someone's hand to hold!

I agree this must be very annoying! However I didn't put plus 1 on my invites because I just assumed it was implied that they could bring someone, kinda thought it was the done thing... Obviously I havnt been to many weddings at all! Iv since contacted people to make this clear tho

MrsBW, I would avoid inviting him. Your numbers are small and it doesn't sound as if he is part of the family. I think it is different when you have smaller numbers, as we are having more and extra one or two doesn't make as much difference as it would if we were having less. It's so tricky isn't it!

I understand assuming a aprtner is invited but assuming your mother is invited is weird, especially if you aren't close to them. My best friend wanted me to invite her mum, dad, brother and sister and i like their family but we don't have the numbers, i told her this and she realised and said it's cool she will still come and just explain tot hem about numbers (her partner is invited) ... i think to an extent people need a plus one to be nice depending on if they know anyone there, i.e. i have a friend i am close to but she isn't friends with my other groups, doesn't know family well etc so i'm giving her a plus one so she doesn't feel uncomfortable, but my other friend who is single isn't getting a plus one because she is friends with at least 8 people going so it's not like she will be alone.

In saying that she is coming from abroad, in the case of crossing a country i think it's nice to give a plus one!

It totally depends on situation for plus ones, i would say yes give her the plus one, if someone was coming from abroad to my day i would definitely give her a plus one