Guests outstaying their welcome (RANT)

Ugh- there is nothing worse than guests who just won't bugger off!

Are you able to suggest that perhaps the boys meet at a local pub rather than your house? Or that he doesn't have his own key (my patents don't even have keys for our house let alone a friend!)

i feel for you, sadly I'm too blunt and rude and generally just tell people that I want them to leave. Or fall asleep. Are either of these options?

Urgh, god, how on earth did he end up with a key?! Definitely not cool. Clearly not a big fan of going home, not your problem though! Also shouldn't feel like he can treat your house like his own. Think you need to man up and tell him, OH or both what the deal is before it becomes a deeper issue, because it will, believe me!

I think that is taking the piss!

I used to have a friend who wouldn't leave my house. They wouldn't be quite as bad as you but I'd have to drop full on hints to them & even get ready for bed whilst they stayed sat on my sofa. They'd only go when I said that I really had to go to bed because I have work in the morning and it was 11pm (or something like that).

I was fairly rude and he left without eating his pud (sadly he took it with him!)

Before we moved he would come round every friday to join us for the pub and stay till Saturday late afternoon, sleeping in our lounge in our little 1 bed flat. Now we have a house he comes round a lot less thankfully!

OH has always given him a key, I wouldn't myself, but it is not worth the fight to get the key back. pick you battles and all that! it does mean we can leave him in bed on a saturday morning and go out and he can lock up when he leaves.

I have pointed out to OH that J takes the piss using our facilities and stuff all the time, and he has mentioned it to J but it is water off a ducks back!

I literally have no idea why you are tolerating this situation. I wouldn't. But then my husband wouldn't facilitate manchild-slash-friends. And this is where your problem is, not the manchild but your husband, who gives him a key (????) and therefore tacitly allows this behaviour.

If this is a battle you'd rather leave, I dread to think of the remaining ones that you're saving yourself for.

He has a key? How did that happen?

I think you're completely justified in your rant! I would totally hate this situation! I think you might have to just be honest and tell them to sling their hook!

Nobody has a key to my house except me, my husband and the next door neighbour (for cat feeding and other emergencies).

I wouldn't tolerate this for one moment. But it is your OH who is really at fault for not tackling the situation. Does he know how miserable it makes you? I think you need to tackle the problem with your OH - and then he tells the friend to hand back the key and change the arrangements.

I allow my bestie to do whatever she wants in my house - get drinks, eat, whatever - but I would never in a million years give her a key. How did that even come about?

I'd be annoyed too if I were you. Can you get the key back?

If I were you I'd be telling my OH he had to get that key back. If he doesn't wanna hurt this guy's feelings you could always tell him you need the key for your family or something. I would be super p*ssed about this, and would be having serious words with OH about our personal space!

I would not be happy for him to have a key but to be honest I can't see the problem with your OH having his mate over on a Monday. He drank some coke big deal it's not like he downed a bottle of your vodka. Maybe we just have different relationships with our friends but our friends are round all the time and as long as it not passed when we need to go to sleep it's not a problem.

It is your house too, so if you aren't happy with him having a key, speak to your H about getting it back.

I don't really understand why him drinking your coke is that much of an issue though tbh. Is it because it is him drinking it? My friends can eat and drink what they want at my house, and I am allowed free reign of their food and drink at theirs. We're not precious over what is in our fridge/cupboards...

We let our matrs help themselves if they are hungry or thirsty. At least he only does this once a week.

However, I do feel your annoyance. OH best man is round here everyday.

EVERYDAY! Every evening, while we are putting our little boy to bed, he will waltz in, turn on the xbox, and just wait for us to come downstairs. He has no permanent job or girlfriend, so I can see why he is sick of his own company, him and me both!

Thankfully he got a little work working away so we havent seen him for a couple weeks, which has been nice. He would dare whinge when I wanted to watch Eastenders, to which I would reply 'eff off it is my telly, go home and watch yours if u dont like my viewing choices'. That soon shut him up.

Tell your OH that if they want to hang out after badders they can go to the pub.

Oh, and change the locks.

I'd get my Dad to change the locks.

I have been thinking about what it is that really winds me up about him,

A few of you have asked why drinking the coke winds me up. I know that as a friend he gets to help himself to drinks but it feels like he is drinking it just because he can. I am sure he doesn't drink 2 pints of it at home every evening. But the photocopying was really out of order. 50 pages has nearly used all our ink.he should have done it at home or if that is not possible then paid at a copy shop type place.

As for the key, yes I would never have given it to him, and I would prefer if he didn't have it however I think he would actually be more annoying if he didn't.

I think this is a long war that I am winning inch by inch. He no longer comes over every weekend, and leaves earlier on a Saturday, he and OH have been friends for many years so I am not going to try and stop that, nor would I want to.

If OH and I have kids in the future then the key will be given back, I will insist theny. Until then I will put up with it and work on making him a better trained visitor who cleans up his own mess.

I agree with you Meltdown and when people come to my house and drink all my coke I get annoyed too! Mainly because I am so skint at the moment and coke is like a treat to us at the moment!

I would not be happy with one of my friends or H's friends having a key - that really is ridiculous.

I fell out with a friend and her H (who is best friends with my H) after they stayed with us 2 nights when they got chucked out their house. I really wanted to help but they just treated my house like it was their own leaving cups everywhere, leaving their light on all night, up until 3am messing about, made loads of mess etc and it just wasn't the deal. They also asked for a key but I said no.

If I were you I would tell said person to clean up after themselves or don't make the mess in the first place. It is just rude to make a mess in someone elses house!

I can't even begin to put into words how much I could not put up with this situation. It would drive me to utter distraction.

Why does he come back to yours AFTER badminton? Why not just go straight home?! Baffling.

I'm baffled why your baffled lol My OH plays badminton then they come to ours and play xbox till late. That's the sort of thing friends do?

Every week? When one has a wife and the other has a wife and kids at home? I don't think that's what grown up friends do but that might just be me. I just don't get why a grown man would want to sit on someone else's sofa, moaning about what's on the tele when he could go home and sit on his own sofa (and at least moan to his own wife if that's what he likes to do).

Before I lived with H, I was well known amongst friends for having a very open door. I still warn guests to not feel shy about helping themselves to drinks or snacks because I am a rubbish hostess and WILL forget to offer.

There is a world of difference between that and this guy though. The frequency of him coming over - and him having a key! Ye gods and little fishes. That would be over the line even by my old, pre-husband standards. These days I'm very grumpy and anti-social, and I really don't cope well with guests at the best of times!

It's the sort of thing TEENAGERS do. Not grown men with families that that haven't seen at all that evening.

Im with Pompey. I would change the locks. If you offered to make this guy dinner and he outstayed his welcome that wouldn't be so bad but the fact he brings his own food is weird. Why doesn't he just go home for dinner with his wife?

This would drive me insane! As Little Pixie said this what teenagers do! He is taking the piss using your ink and drinking all of your drinks. I would definitely be getting his key back. I am not a fan of house guests at the best of times especially when they behave like this, he is acting like he lives with you

Really they can't go one evening a week without seeing their family? The ink thing is taking the piss though.

I appreciate that you don't want to have a falling out with OH over this guy and agree that the friend not worth it. But I think it's important that you set ground rules.

I'd just tell the plonker not to use my printer without asking. If he gets on your nerves tell him! you don't have to put up with it. Ask if he always drinks that much coke or whether that's just at your house? What's he going to do if you challenge him?

Course they can. Play badminton, go to the pub or out for dinner but intruding on someone elses house to play computer games until late is odd.

Too men going out for dinner would be odd. Plenty of men I know play computer games don't really see it as odd, I play them too! It's not intruding he's a friend.

I like my privacy so I sympathise! I'd be well peed off if they were helping themselves to my stuff! And I'd be really uncomfortable with the key business, no matter how good a friend he is!

Out of interest, does this work both ways? Does mateys wife have an open house for your OH?

Can you imagine? Two men sitting opposite one another and eating food and having a conversation? Surely only gays and girls can get away with that kind of behaviour?

Tsshh

Eh? Two men going out for a bite to eat together is odd? I don't get it.

My husband will often meet his mate at a pub for some lunch or dinner or go for a coffee with a mate before or after football. I really don't see how that's odd!

Sorry but I've never know two hetrosexual males going to dinner together. I do not find men playing computers games odd. We are sociable people, we like to have friends round, oh has game nights, poker night, we have film nights at ours. It would be a very boring life if we just sat at home with each other every night and weren't allowed friends round. I've just trying to offer a different perspecitive to the op, what's the point of being on here if everyone is just going to jump on the bandwagon and agree with each other?

Well, very true that we don't all necessarily have to agree. But to me, suggesting that men going out to eat together is odd isn't just disagreeing - it's an implied insult to those who do. Maybe it means they're gay? Or what if people THINK they're gay?! Why aren't they behaving like 'real men'? Oh the horror.

I don't particularly like people coming round, except perhaps my parents. I find it stressful and it brings out my anxieties. There's no way I could cope with not knowing when someone was gonna arrive and leave, especially them having a key. That probably does make me boring, but I'd much rather that than be worrying and panicking about not being comfortable in my own home. My H2B certainly doesn't have his mates round to play computer games - they go out together, to clubs or yep, sometimes to eat.

Ah crud, did I miss the bandwagon again? You lot really should print up a timetable or something.

Two men going for dinner together isn't odd. What a strange view of the world! My husband has met up with friends for dinner loads of times. Don't tell anyone this, but sometimes he even goes for dinner with a FEMALE friend. ?

No one's saying everyone should have the same opinions! But you quoted my first post saying you didn't understand why I felt that way so of course I was going to answer

With regards to the men eating together - I genuinely don't see a problem with that and was honestly surprised anyone would have.

I also think there is some confusion here about inviting friends round and just happening to have people in your house. This guy doesn't appear to be at their house to spend time with them, it appears to just be to kill time until he goes home. Otherwise he wouldn't randomly bring his own dinner. Plus, he's whingeing about the tv she chooses to have on in her own house, not playing on a computer with his mate.