Had a mini-meltdown yesterday............

My OH wasn't that interested really, but I suggested going to see the venue and he was quite happy to come and when we saw it he agreed we just had to get married there.

After the venue was booked, he stopped being interested. Not in a bad way really, just that he was quite happy to leave most of the stuff to me. As a groom he believes his job is to put on a kilt and turn up lol - I still run everything by him but I don't expect too much in the way of excitement over it.

Sometimes I'll go 'hey baby, 7 months 2 weeks to go!' and he'll go '7 months 2 weeks and 2 days today we'll be in Turkey' and I'm like...ok babe u just interested in the honeymoon? and he's like no and the wedding haha

My other half was the same and i went in a mood and sulked,and then had a huge row.And its fine now we both talked about what we wanted and now hes more involved now,but now its getting closer its feelin more real.so your other half might be thinking its ages away or something.whens your wedding

My OH has told me its my day and do what you want which kinda doesn't help me as I would like his opinion on things. When I went looking for venues he just told me to find the one I liked the most then he would come and view before booking. I told him I needed him to pick a colour scheme he would like to wear so I could crack on with buying things. All he said was pink was out of the question and 3 weeks later he still was saying 'im not sure yet I will have a think about it' eeerrr dont think so!! I got fed up of waiting so I have chose the colour scheme myself along with everything else!! To be honest when he has gave me some ideas they have been crap or he has nearly had a heart attack about the price so glad I have sorted everything myself. He has no idea about any decorations, flowers, cars or anything so will be a big surprise on the day. I had a go at him saying he wasn't interested but he is really and hes excited but just shows it in a different way xx

Thanks everyone. I feel better now. I think it was worse as it was the biggest argument we've ever had! I do feel better now though. We're going to see venues at the start of October so I think he may get more excited then. I've said I'm happy to do it myself but he says he wants to do it together. He has put more thought into the stag do than the bloody wedding so far though!! Stupid boys eh!!!

Not being funny because I know you're excited but stressed after two weeks? Come on!!!

I think you need to calm down, take a deep breath and chill out!! There's no rush to start booking things and picking venues etc, you're not on a deadline. Talk calmly to H2B and ask to casually discuss what date you'd both like for your wedding. If you want to get married within the next 6 months then fair dos get cracking looking at venues and booking stuff etc but if you're going to be having a two year engagement (like me) then relax or you'll drive your H2B up the wall LOL ?

BTW a little bit of advice, when you can't get wedding stuff out of your head and you don't want to drive the people around you crazy then come on here for your "fix", it's what I do LOL ;-) I also spend hours surfing for wedding dresses because that's the bit of the planning/choosing I'm most looking forward to but I'm not letting myself start actual shopping for it until the new year ?

I agree. I feel quite pathetic! I think it's just been a very busy a stressful month overall as we moved house three weeks ago, I started a new job a week ago and am just really knackered! Going to relax tonight with a nice glass of wine and takeout, maybe look at some pretty dresses and forget about everything else. I think part of the thing that's stressed me out is everyone else putting in their tuppence worth! I just want to think about venues and nothing else at the mo!!! Think I just need to catch up on sleep!!! I'm not usually this stressy!!

This gets to me too and just had to try and ignore ppl and explain that its OUR wedding and this is how WE want it to be.

We got engaged in June and I wanted to get cracking straight away but was tempered by OH who kept telling me that we need to enjoy the engagement part before the wedding planning begins as he doesnt like that bit! When we were choosing dates and venues i basically had to scream at him 'What do you want?' before he would give me any solid suggestions. Now I know what he would like I'm doing the thinking and just running things by him when necessary - much easier that way and we're both happy, although we do argue when we have a difference of opinion as we are both really stubborn.

Good luck with the planning ?

Hmm I took the other approach. OH asked me and I wasn't keen on remarrying. I eventually (well, after a week!) gave in and said yes. However, I explained that I was scared of all the hoo ha and fuss that starts when the wedding juggernaut hits the road. I wanted to BE married, but not GET married. The "yes" was therefore conditional on PH organising it all. Obviously agreeing things together, but him liaising with suppliers etc. I have to say he's been brilliant. He spent hours trawling the net for a good reception venue, and arranged visits. He's done all the planning of the overseas wedding and honeymoon - I've just had input on which hotels etc. Since I don't have to worry about all that, I've started getting excited about the little things, and we've worked as a great team!

Hmm posted before I'd finished. What I was going to add was - why not ask your OH what he is interested in. Maybe the venue or cake? And ask him to sort that out. My ex husband sorted our wedding cake because it was the only thing he had strong feelings about, so I let him get on with it. Expecting your OH to be interested in the same things as you is never going to work!

When we got engaged we didnt discuss when we were going to get married, a few months later i looked at some dates and went and asked him what he was doing on 3/6/12, he asked why and i said thats when we are getting married lol He agreed as it is the day after our 5 year anniversary and was really into looking at venues. He loved the venue we have as much as i did and was interested in getting the big things booked, such as photographer, florist, etc. He isnt so interested in the smaller things such as favours like i am. But every so often gets interested in what else has been done lol ?

That's the key thing - when us guys don't go squee over every little detail, it does not mean we are interested, it just means that the details are not important. Ladies tend to look at the little details whereas us guys look at the larger picture - as long as we get married that's all that matters, and we don't mind what flowers you want or what colour ribbon goes on the cards.

If you want your OH to be involved and interested (more than simply paying for things) then most guys are happy to look at venues, entertainment, wedding transport and things like that, and come back with a shortlist of things for you to both discuss and decide together.

Almost from birth we are taught that weddings are the bride's big day, that we just turn up, and it's not our place to get involved with the arrangements. The whole wedding industry is bride-centric - Hitched is a great example of how little there is for men, we have a token forum which is virtually dead through lack of members and everything else is bride this bride that, not the happy couple or your big day.

We wouldn't care if you turned up at the wedding wearing a bin bag or an old tracksuit, it's "you" that we want to marry, and everything else is just gravy.

Thats exactly whay my OH says!!! xx

Haha maybe I should spend more time on here and less time bugging my OH!!!

I gave my OH specific jobs - which he was interested in and wanted to do. So he sorted the honeymoon, family tree, table plan, music and a few other bits and bobs. I did give him options for all the other items like table decs but generally showed him a few different ideas which I had already narrowed down from lots I had found. And I did it in small bites so he was never overwhelmed by it all! Generally he was quite into it, but it just needed to be done at calm times and in certain ways!

He did say once that when he proposed he hadn't at all thought about the fact that would lead to a wedding, just the proposal and that was the end of his thoughts!

My OH was the same

He seemed and still seems now that he cant be arsed, I had to drag him to the venues and then when we both fell in love with one we stopped looking, he is in the army so i am doing it all, but the first 3 weeks i could have sat down and cried and i still feel like that aswell. i am having to see the vicar on my own, having to do most things on my own but i want to do them now and get them over and done with as we will be getting married and moving 2 weeks before hand, and next year he will be away for 6 months!!! so i am trying to get as much input as i can which is not alot so i have said that he can organise the dj and the night entertainment and he still cant be arsed!!!

He is doing my head in lol

but as soon as you get the venue sorted most of the hard stuff is done to be honest you can take a step back and take a deep breath then look for your dress, and the pretty little things

xx

I think I got a bit wedding crazy at the start and my OH couldn't quite cope with it! He therefore reacted by showing very little interest after the big things were booked (he was very good at looking at venues, photographers, entertainment etc). I think it really is like AJ says - many guys don't see the need for the little details, they often never noticed them at other weddings and therefore don't see the need for them at theirs. I've tried to back off a bit (even though I'm dying inside to get everything done!) and I think my OH has appreciated that and it's actually made him more likely to look for things as I'm not forcing it down his throat every five minutes - he even ordered ribbon for the sweetie jars the other day and came to a wedding fair with me last weekend (although he won't come to the National Wedding Fair even though I won two free tickets!). Right now, he's sat watching the England rugby game and I'm sat next to him getting my wedding fix on here - happy days!

For our venue I was the one that worked out the short list (as my OH works away a lot) and went to see a few of them, discounted the ones that were nothing like their websites/brochures and then took him to see the top three and decided that way.