Has anyone called it off?

Is everything ok Little Mrs? By the sound of it probably not, is there anything we can do to help?

I think in that situation you know in your gut that there is something wrong. You have no Analize do I not want to be married to this person or do I just not want a wedding. Or not this wedding. Organising a wedding can be stressful. Families can be a nightmare. So for instance would you rather elope. Would you rather stay as you are. How does it feel to imagine not being with this person any more. Or is there just a worry or problem that needs a good talk to iron out. Worry due to cold feet about the ceremony. I think your gut knows if it's right or wrong. However sometimes you need to work out what's wrong to find the right solution.

Hope your ok. People are here for you if ever you wanted to talk in more detail etc. X

I think it really depends why your calling it off as to weather you will regret it

is their a big problem in your relationship that is distroying it (such as infidelity or an affair)

is it because of meddling families causing stress

is it just cold feet (suddenly you hate his snoring, feel upset that he forgot your favorite crisps at the shop, proposed haphazzardly)

is it because of a devistating life twist (a death, severe illness etc...)

ive gone through the cold feet panic attack, it lasted days and felt like drowning... all the things are so tiny and stupid on their own but when put together it suddenly convices you he doesnt actually love you otherwise he wouldnt do/done them but its not a reason to bail, you do come out of it.

if its family, then either block them out or decide what you want (if its really bad theirs always eloping)

if theres genuinly deeper cracks at the foundation (maybe one wants children, one doesn't or one wants to travel and one wants to stay close to family etc...) then thats where you really need to look deep and decide if one of you can face sacraficing something so important, or in cases of cheating can the cheated on partner get over what the other one did and I think its needless to say but if theres anything worse going on like domestic abuse then get out as quick as possible

in cases of life throwing crap at you if your emotional, grief stricken etc... then maybe things can be posponed til a later date when your more able to deal with it

only you can truely make a dicision on whats best since only you know your feelings and situations

You'll see that I joined Hitched way back in 2012 when I was getting married previously- we called off the wedding and separated. (I've since met the one and we get married in 3 days time!)

I wont lie, calling off the wedding was heart breaking, we had everything secured and in place, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt like an idiot in front of all of our friends and family, but if you have that gut feel then it is best to do it.

Whats making you feel like this? Is it the pressure of the wedding or problems in general with your partner?

If its the wedding itself and the relationship is right, then as other people have said organizing a wedding is stressful, and you will feel like eloping or calling the whole thing off.

Hope things improve.

Hey

I cant really add anymore than what the others have already said but we are all here if you need to chat/vent and we can offer as much advice as needed.

I hope everything is ok x

Thank you all for your replies. I guess it's twofold really. I never wnted to have a big white traditional wedding but he was so desperate to have that, I just let him carry on with it. But the anxiety about it all is taking over. Plus I feel like I'd resent him for the money (I still have to pay £12k for this thing I don't want. He's paying the other half but still, that's money I could do a lot with). On top of that he's an asexual which is very hard to cope with. I struggle because he's perfect otherwise and is my best friend so not sure if I can give up on all this.

Sorry for the moan

Moan anytime if it helps or helps you to get things straight in your head. Is there anyone close to you you can discuss this with? Can you talk to him about how the big wedding is making you feel. I'm sure someone who loved you wouldn't want you to feel like this when a simpler wedding could be a solution. You bring up him being perfect but for his asexuality. Can you live with that forever?

I think you should discuss your feelings with him. Discuss how the wedding is making you feel. Big hug. Xx

Is their some sort of provision for being married to an Asexual?

a marraige inst classed as a complete legal marrage until its consumated

I agree 12K is quite a shocking amount to me (am I right in thinking the whole wedding is 24k if hes paying half?) £24,000 buys a house round here ? I could never be comfortable with spending that much on a party either

could you talk to him, resentment will kill a marraige or make you miserable and I read recently the number 1 reason for divorce within the first 3 years is finacial issues related to the wedding - maybe explain you would rather have the money for a life together rather than just one day

Aww, hun, can't really help with the asexuality sid eof things, only you know if you can handle that long term, but must be difficult ☹️

As for the wedding you don't want, we've cut down twice.

When we first talked about weddings, and long before he was ready to propose and make it official, we found a lovely treehouse in the woods. Hiring this alone for the weekend would cost nearly 6 grand, and there was the same amount again to hire furniture, catering, entertainment etc. After he avoided talking about it for a long time, we decided to cancel. We were both in love with the idea of what could be, rather than it being 'us'.

After we got engaged, last year he found a lovely village hall with a stream running through the grounds. Again, it was a lovely idea, but logistically it was a nightmare as it was in the middle of nowhere and my family don't have cars. The stress of trying to work out how to get people there and back, booking catering, and decorating, meant we cancelled again.

Plan 3 and we're having a meal in a pub with function room hire thrown in, no worry about food, and accommodation in the same place. And all 10 mins walk from the station. I know he's happy with this idea as he's discussed more wedding plans in the month since we made this decision than in the previous 13 lol. He wanted everything to be perfect, and there are things that will make it not that, but doing it this way doesn't make those so obvious. Plus it's a third of what plan A would have cost.

If it's just about the arrangements being too much, then you need a serous chat with him explaining what it's doing to your mental health and that it's not what you want. As you are both getting married it's your day too. Sit down and work out what you really don't want, what you like (it will help if he knows there are good bits too), and what you could compromise on.

I quickly realised I couldn't justify spending that amount of money on one day, mainly for the benefit of 'showing off' as the only really important bit was the 20 minutes in front of the registrar. That's an awful lot of money to fork out on something that's not you, and I would guess it would come between you very quickly if it goes ahead ☹️

I'd walk away.

It's too much cash for something you don't want and a virtually sexless marriage. You might as well just be unmarried friends.

Firstly, *weird internet hugs*.

I think you really need to talk to your OH about all of this. Regarding the asexuality, that's really something you need to address before deciding whether to commit the rest of your life. Have you considered couples counselling? It may not physically change anything, but it might help you to understand your OH's asexuality, and it will help your OH to understand how it affects you.

Money-wise, how committed are you to particular venues, suppliers etc so far? There might be ways you can cut back on the cost. I'll be having the "big white wedding" for the second time next year. The first time was with a total of 150 guests once evening guests were added on and it cost about £12,500. This time, we're having fewer guests (70-80), and it's costing approximately £13,000, not including the honeymoon. £24,000 (based on what you say about you paying half and that being £12k) seems like an awful lot of money!

Sending hugs to you, this sounds very difficult. Not the wedding cost side, we are spending more than you because of where we live and various other factors but that's fine and will soon be forgotten. Hopefully if you want to spend less there will be areas you can cut back on. I think it's everyone's personal choice how much they spend based on how much they earn, what they want from their wedding etc so that one really is down to what you are comfortable with.

Much more fundamental is the fact of his asexuality and whether you really can live with that for the rest of your life. Are you definitely happy to not have sex again? I assume it means no children too. If you are ok with both of those then that is fine but if you are not asexual yourself then it is very likely in the future that this won't work for you. I agree with the suggestion of going to couple's counselling. It is much better that you find out if anything can change in this part before you commit than regret it at a later date.

I think deep down you'll know the right thing to do, listen to your gut. I agree that couples counselling sounds like a good suggestion. It sounds like a very emotionally stressful time for you and I really hope things work out for the best. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, so whatever is meant to be will be.

i think it's natural to feel anxious about the big day and to worry about the ridiculous amount of money that is just for one day. if you were to cut back on the wedding and have a small do or elope would you still have the same fears about the marriage? At the end of the day that's what it's about, the marriage not the wedding. Ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? And there is your answer.

Good luck, we are all thinking of you.