Has anyone had a grandparent move in with them for a few months?

Well, kind of, but my situation was rather different to yours - I was back living with my mum at the time as I was between houses, and due to an accident, my gran moved in with my mum.

This is probably only relevant to my gran, but it was horrendous. She expected us to wait on her hand and foot - well after when she was well enough to do many things herself - and sold her house and moved in permanently, which my mum really didn't seem to be given a say in. She didn't like the (small, inoffensive) dog that my mum had, so we had to build a conservatory to put the dog in when we were at work to keep it out of the way. She didn't like sharing a house with me and told my mum that in no uncertain terms, too.

Eventually it all came to a head and she did a major flounce to another relatives (funny how capable she suddenly was with packing her bags, booking a taxi and getting herself together) and eventually moved into sheltered housing. It was a huge relief for us as my mum used to panic all the time she was at work, wondering what my gran was getting up to in the house - she'd broken windows, let people into the house, and also managed to fall and break her hip in the kitchen (which she then blamed my mother for, for 'not being there'.

I realise my situation and story is very different and this was a particularly unpleasant old woman we were dealing with, so I think you have to consider it purely on your own situation and terms. One thing I will say is that from my experience, old ladies often seem to revert to childishness and selfishness as they get older (now matter how nice they are) and cause you a lot more work than you expect. Also, they often take a long, long time to get over illnesses, hospital stays and so on, and can even get quite confused and depressed by it all. My advice would be to fully make sure you know what you're letting yourself in for before you commit.

As it's only short term , I think I would be more inclined to find out about a care/nursing/hospice home near to where you live. If she is capable of caring for herself, does she recieve care allowance that's now payable for her to get her own in house help with chores & day to day help.

As much as you love her, it would put undue stress onto you & your family - rather like having another child in the house.

What were your Parents planning to do with her?

My Nana is an active 95 yr old & last year hurt her back, she moved in with my Uncle & by day 5 it was becoming a strain, yet they can spend hours together when they live apart.

I have to say I think it might be best to arrange for her to have some support in home while your parents are away (social services could probably help with this) and to get her returned to independence if possible. My grandma has had mobility problems for over ten years but managed at home alone with pretty much everything - washing, cooking, dressing etc. She recently had a fall and it was decided she couldn't manage stairs any more. Mum offered to move her in to her ground floor room thinking she would be pretty much able to take care of herself but much like Flailing Wildly has said, Grandma has totally regressed and now has mum getting her in and out of bed, dressing her, preparing all her meals and drinks and even gets her up in the night to take her to the toilet. It's come as a huge shock to my mum and is proving to be so difficult.

I realise all cases are so different but I guess all I would say is just be aware that care needs are often worse than you expect and if someone is there willing to help, it seems that can be exploited if you see what I mean?

I'd be concerned for your welfare, given you've not been that well during this pregnancy and are already tearing around after your toddler...

I can sympathise on the north London to Portsmouth trip though having done it a fair few times - if you think you'll need to be visiting regularly, I'd think about whether her moving in would be easier.

What do your parents think? What help can be organised for while they are away?

A friend of mine (32) lives with her Mom (60?) and Grandad (90ish) - most of the care falls to her Mom, who also works, and I think it is heavy going at times (but worth it for the stories she tells - e.g. finding him in the kitchen early one morning with his jumper on inside out and slugging whisky straight from the bottle).

However, he does go into respite care every so often to give them all a break from each other - could you look into having this as a back up in case you need it while she's staying (assuming that's what you do).

Thinking about this, I wonder whether the first thing you should do is speak to the hospital about what thoughts they have about her care, and whether they can put you in touch with the social care team local to your Grandma. We have found that the joint care services where we are have been an invaluable source of advice in terms of what can be done to make the transition to home easier. They might be able to tell you about services etc that could help you make your decision.

Thanks for all your responses, it's given me plenty to think about. I've not spoken to my parents, or my grandmother or the hospital yet as I want to think through my position before I made the offer. I'd hate to switch plans on her or anything.

I don't think she'd realistically need much physical care from what my dad has said, it's more that I thought the company and having someone else do cooking might take the pressure off. Plus I'd feel better keeping an eye on her in case she has a bad turn of similar on her own.

She's a very English private and restrained sort who still won't make herself a cup of tea at mum's house as she doesn't like to tread on anyone's toes or interfere.

The other thing I would think about is (sorry to be all doom and gloom!) that if she were to get worse rather than better and was living with you, you might find it harder to get her into somewhere with a higher level of care than if she was living alone.

I can totally understand why it feels like the right thing to do and I know the worry factor was a big part of my mum taking Grandma in. I do tend to be a bit negative by nature but would just say don't underestimate how much work it can be and what a stress it can place on you especially if you're pregnant and have a toddler. You know the situation and your grandma's nature far better than me though of course.

If you decide against it, I'm sure you would be able to arrange to have meals delivered to her for that period your parents are away and also I believe there are charities (WRVS?) that have befriender-types who volunteer to drop in and spend time with people who are alone.

I'd want to know what the hospital rehabilitation people say on the physical care front, tbh - it's quite common for elderly stroke people to lose their confidence so, for example, although physically capable of doing something, they might be very afraid of standing up by themselves in case they fall.

My mum used to work for Allied Healthcare (or was it Medicare, I can't remember) - she was an auxilliary nurse and would just go into people's home every day/every few days/once a week to prepare them lunch or put their washing on or give them a bath - might it be an idea for your parents to organise this for the 2 months? Mum now works as a volunteer for Age Concern and takes ladies shopping or for a drive every fortnight - it's for the company more than anything. This might also be an idea??

No but I live with my MIL (silent scream). Can't wait to get out of here and have our own place again.

I'd try and see what help you can get in her own home as others have suggested. There are loads of charities and support networks for these types of situations.

As you know I'm pregnant with a toddler as well. My MIL is physically fine but is a bit of a liability as she's always forgetting where she put things, forgetting appointments,blaming us for shifting her stuff (when we don't) etc. I'm not saying that your Grandma is like this at all, but elderly people can be a challenge to live with, specially if removed from familiar surroundings and old age does bring problems, which when combined with looking after a toddler and being pregnant would make me think twice about offering in your situation.

Also more worryingly my MIL is a bit forgetful she's not got her 'safety head' on as such re things that are and are not appropriate for a toddler. So I find scissors, pins, sharp fruit knives, medication etc all left at toddler height on a very very regular basis. Same goes for cupboard locks left undone, etc. It' s been along time since she was a mother and also certiain things eg cupboard locks didn't exist in their time I assume. So I have to do a sweep of a room when enetring and check visually for danger objects in what I assume is a safe environment. Just another thing to think about as it is stressful and annoying. Hopefully your situation wouldn't be so extreme but it's worth thinking about as it drives me insane as I can't leave MIL and my daughter in a room alone as MIL invariably gets out cleaning products, medication etc and then leaves it half sorted when the phone rings or she wanders off to find something.

Also another person in your house means more work for you - washing clothes and bedding, extra cooking, taking her to medical appointments, shopping trips, library visits and so on. I'd be making the most of the time you have alone with your H and let G enjoy being an only child before the next one arrives and all your lives change.

Maybe a couple of weekends in Portsmouth might be an easier option for you. Does she have friends and neighbours there who can pop in and visit her during the week maybe? Also follow up medical appointments might be trickier if she relocates?

Good luck with whatever you decde to do.

I'd go for t. it's only short-term

alrtnativel my youngest step-son (16) is coming for 2 weeks whilst his mum goes on holiday so i amconvincing myself 2 weeks is nothong! please agree!!