Has anyone had problems with single friends since getting enaged?

Hey, sounds a bit nightmarish! I'd say make the effort for a few weeks and if she still hasn't grown up, maybe ask her what the craic is.

good luck

x

Yes, I agree, try and make the effort for a few more weeks. If you don't get anywhere, then ask her directly if she has a problem with you or if you have done something to upset her

She is maybe a bit jealous and worried that when you get married she'll never see you. My closest friend was a bit of a nightmare when I got together with my OH. She'd be really attention-seeking and get annoyed if I even mentioned him. Unfortunately we grew apart quite a bit, but she has matured a lot and although we're nowhere near as close, we are still friends.

Sometimes if youre so close to one another it feels like they are being taken away a bit? She maybe feels like this, you could have a chat and make sure you have time with her too, but she's going to have to get used to you being engaged and married.

S x

I have a friends that I know (despite being happy for me) have found it difficult for their own reasons, however, none have acted like that and all I have made the effort with, like you are, to be understanding and see them as much as usual. If you are making the effort to see her and understand then this is her issue not yours, it is sad. I have learnt through my relationship with boy that sometimes it is peoples perception of the situation/relationship that is the issue, it not been me its them.

Keep trying for a bit, try speaking to her but it may have to be left which is a sad thing.

I'm so glad you posted this because I have been having a bit of a problem with one friend actually.

She was originally friends with my OH at uni, but since we have been together she has become a girly friend of mine. She lives in the same town as us and so we socialised with her quite a lot over the years. To cut a long story short, 3 of the girls from our friendship group have got married and now I'm the fourth in line, which leaves her and one other left, all in our mid thirties. Me and my OH called her up to tell her we were engaged expecting a really happy response, but we were met with a few seconds of silence followed by a pretty lame "congratulations".

She then came round with a card but got all funny because my OH wasn't in and said had she known he wasn't here, she wouldn't have bothered coming round, which I found a bit weird. Then she asked to see the ring etc. and kept dropping comments like she was 'on the shelf' and her parents gave her sister £5k to get married but they have given her £5k towards a mortgage deposit because they don't think she will get married etc" which again i thought was a bit off.

A big group of us went out for a meal a week later to celebrate our engagement and all the way through the meal she kept dropping comments about being an old maid and being on the shelf and it really peed me off because I thought it was a bit inappropriate. Also, I'm not sure if I'm reading into it but she seems to be agreeing with everything my OH says and disagreeing with everything I say over stuff we want to do at our wedding. All of my ideas have got something wrong with them but his ideas are great.

She had borrowed some stuff off me before I got engaged and sent me a text the other day asking if we were in so she could drop it back. OH was out but I told her to come round and I'd put the kettle on. About half an hour later I found all the stuff she had borrowed lying on the doormat - she had posted it through the door rather than knocking and saying hello.

She is in her mid 30's is single and has never been married and her best mate is one of the married girls in our group. It's getting to me because she was really happy when the other three got married but now it's my turn, she is being a bit funny. The only reason I can think of for her behaving like this is that she is suddenly really feeling the fact that she is 35 and not in a relationship - but I don't think it is particularly fair to take it out on me.

I'm just going to see what happens.

I guess some girls just can't handle it when their good friends get engaged because it reminds them that the clock is ticking.

My MOH met a new guy a few months back and she actually said to me the other day im really looking frward to your wedding now that I know that im not going to be on my own, pretty cheeky I felt! I would go with that she is jealous also and maybe feels like she is losing you a little although the photo thing is very harsh and quite an extreme reaction, even in periods when I have not been as close to friends in the past I would never dream of taking down pictures that we have together. All I can say is wedding's do crazy things to people and seem to bring out all different sides of peoples personalities and it ay be worth sittign down with her and talking it out, it all really depends on how much you want to keep your friendship, and if you think that its worth while too. x

One of my friends from Uni has been the same. Barely spoken to me since I told her I was engaged, hasn't asked how I am or how wedding stuff is going. I don't expect her to be that interested but to ask once maybe? Anyway I thought it was just me but another friend also recently got engaged and now she's not talking to her either. It's a shame cos I think she's a lovely girl but obviously we weren't as good friends as I thought.

Sounds like she has a thing for your OH if I'm being honest.

This, I'm afraid!

Donna - your friend is jealous of the whole "engaged/newly-wed" phase. She'll get over it. Give her time.

Chickster - your "friend" fancies your Boy.

I lost my best friend after we got engaged, she just couldnt be happy for us at all i miss her all the time and we are finally meeting up after 2 years to have a proper chat again but it is sad that something that should have been so happy was a bit spoilt by her reaction

Definitely what I was thinking when I read this.

Yep!

The only small problem Ive had is with my friend whos also got a bloke, they got together the same time as me and my OH. But while we have a great relationship, theirs is ridiculous, always arguing and then ending their relationship on facebook only to be back together the next day. Shes told me she doesnt see a long term future with him because of it and even though theyve had a baby now, she doesnt think she could live with him. Anyway, When my OH proposed we were drunk and he didnt have a ring so he was going to get me a ring and do it properly. I told her this (didint tell many people) and she was happy, then when we got back from holiday where hed proposed i changed my facebook to say 'engaged'. The very next day, suddenly her relationship status was engaged as well! I made out like I hadnt seen it and I never mentioned it to her when I saw her as I wanted to she if she told me - this was a year ago and she has still never mentioned that they are engaged! The relationship status has changed since, back to single many times and now just in a relationship but she still hasnt mentioned this 'engagement' to me or any of our friends!

You know what, as I was writing this it all started to look like a bit of a pattern and I'll admit that the thought did cross my mind.

Really don't know what to make of it. I'll watch her for a bit and see what happens. Thanks ladies x x x

She sounds like a total attention seeker to me!

Chickster - my initial thought was that she fancies your bloke, probably combined with resentment about being on the shelf, but if she's taking it out on you and only wanting to come round when he's there it's a bit suspicious.

OP and everyone else - it's really sad when things like that happen, unfortunately there's not a lot you can do. They're obviously very unhappy people and if they can't be happy for a friend then they're not a real friend.

Thinking about it I've been quite lucky, all my friends have been really supportive and happy for us, but OH's family have a problem with me (even though they've never even met me) and are refusing to come to the wedding so I suppose it all balances out! Is it possible to get married with absolutely no problems from friends or family?! ?

I'd be interested to hear how your meet up went as my friend has sadly been behaving like this since Christmas, I have tried everything I can think of, I've made effort after effort and get nothing back so am starting to think the only thing I can do is leave her to it for year or two and see if she bothers making any effort or if things improve at all!!! I hope your meet goes well, its sad when you lost a long term friend, good luck, let me know how it goes xxx

Just to put another spin on this....I have been single the majority of my adult life. I have had a few boyfriends here and there, but nothing of significance. I am 32 years old and I get asked all the time when a good friend gets engagaed: "are you ok?" in a patronising way. Of course I'm ruddy ok, my fabulous friend has announced the most wonderful thing! I'm always going to be ok!!

I am not always sat with friends at weddings, as table numbers are in pairs so will get sat on the "singles" table to see if people can set me up. I can assure you the last thing I want is to be "set up" at a wedding, as that day is all about my friends getting married. Yes, I have even been sat on the kids table before now!

I think the way some of your friends are reacting is totally inappropriate. However, please spare a thought for us who are single. Don't patrionise us and try to pair us of. If, like me, we are happy with our lives as they are please let us enjoy your day. I find it really uncomfortable at weddings, because I get asked ALL THE TIME if I'm ok, or get introduced to "single cousin Roger, who is a vet from Devon & owns his own house". Just let me sit with my friends and enjoy the celebration of love and happiness!!!

And breathe...... ?

LOL Katie V that really makes me laugh! I can't believe people would actually sit you at the kids table!? how effing insulting!! and try to set you up? how patronising!

I think you deserved that little rant lol.

as for the OP - I'm 27 and have 2 best friends that are over 30, single and not happy with their lives. Luckily they are incredibly happy for me - but when I told one friend I was engaged she burst into tears afterwards (didnt tell me at the time). I find it difficult sometimes because I'm all happy and excited and tell them stuff and then I know they go off and feel worse because their life isnt great. but the beauty of it is that I listen to them moan and whine about their lives and I know they worry about bringing me down! so it kinda balances out.

@ Chickster - sounds like this girl might be clutching at straws - she might well fancy your bloke - or she might just suddenly feel desperate and as you're the most recent one to get engaged is jumping on that bandwagon and its representing her 'failure' at relationships.

some people are so blooming messed up.

x

I have a few similar stories actually!

One of my friends stopped talking to me when I first got with my OH. I was sooo in love with him and was having a hard time, so I had to move are etc for things to work out. She decided then I wasnt a good friend because I wouldnt call as much as i used to and I said i had no money for credit but I am on msn all the time and she said: I DONT GO ON MSN! So basically she had a free way of communicating with me and declined it expecting me to buy credit every day to call her! Then she said she didnt want to speak to me again because I went on hol with my OH and i didn't tell her! And I said, well if you had asked I would have told you I wasnt hiding it! But I am not gonna go to the world and say: BY THE WAY PEOPLE ON THAT DATE I AM GOINT ON HOL WITH THAT PERSON TO THAT PLACE! That's what i used to to with my mum when I was 16 and I had to go somewhere! And all sorts of things....at the same time though she had broken up with someone she was really in love with apparently so I think she was just jealous and from some other comments I got the impression she fancied my OH.

Another friend of mine, didn't stop speaking to me but she did get annoying doing exactly the same as chickster described. She was interrupting my conversations with my OH after we got engaged and wanted to be involved in everything and would agree to everything he said but disagree with me! So in this case it was me who stopped talking to her as later on I found out from my own father a comment she made to him on the phone! She said to my own dad: I saw Vicky the other day and she is really happy and her OH, is great! He is the man of my dreams, the man I would always want but never be able to have! WHAT THE F****??? To my own father!

And the last one is my OH's friend. The only female friend he had. They had been friends for years, but after we got engaged she stopped talking to us completely! By the looks of it he fancied him, my OH thinks I am silly for thinking that as the thought of her fancying him makes him sick. She was a best friend like a sister to him, but it is obvious! As well as that, when he told her we were engaged she tried to change his mind! She disapeared for a year and all of a sudden last year she texted my OH and said: I was listening to that particular song last night and it made me think of you, i just cant remember what went wrong! And my OH said: well you stopped talking to us! And she said: So how is Vicky? Are you still together and getting married? And my OH said yes, we have got our own house now and we are happy have booked our wedding which is in 10 months (that convo was 9 months ago) and we will send you an invitation if you want! Well guess what we didnt hear from her again! I heard from someone last week that apparently she got engaged around Christmas time and I am thinking....when did she have time to do that? She broke up with a dude last august and withing 5 months she managed to get with another guy and get engaged? I met her mother at the pub last week and she came and told me....I am wondering if there is a hidden message there! If friends are acting this way its because they are jealous or they fancy your man, I am sure of this now. All our other firends who really love us are here for us and really happy, they are a bit scared of losing us as they have told us but we made sure they know they are always gonna be important to us! They are here to support us!

I more than agree! lol

To Peanut,

Absolutely NOT! LOL I have a massive issue with my divorced parents who dont even want to see each other! LOL LOL But if it was all perfect then you wouldnt appreciate it as much! You have to work hard! It would be interesting to make a post with general weidding issues and see what stories people have to tell!

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Thank you ? I won't even start with some of the stories I have experienced. And to add insult to injury, the one time I did have a boyfriend and he went to a wedding I wasn't invited!!! HAHAHA!!!

Hmmm, I'm glad I'm not alone. I've been worrying lately over one of my single friends who has hardly made any contact with me since I got engaged at Christmas. Both myself and my OH have tried to get in contact with her and also invite her to stay at ours for a night or two so we can have a good night out somewhere and catch up. She just avoids all our invitations (only replying when it's too late and the suggested weekend has been and gone!) or she'll just not respond at all. She's always been the type of person to worry about being single, worry she's not progressing far enough in life, etc, etc and has taken break-ups with her ex-boyfriends very badly. She puts herself down a lot, despite having lots of things going for her. My OH and I have really tried our best, but I do feel her and I are growing apart, and the process seems to have sped up since my engagement. It's a real shame. She would have once been in the running for my BM On the plus side, all of my other single friends haven't changed towards me at all and seem to be really looking forward to the wedding