Have you ever thought....what if?

I was like that when i was pregnant with baby number 2 with my OH now

Like you my ex my eldest childs father walked out when she was a few months old

i wasn't married but he left her to this day he has nothing to do with her.

So when i was pregnant with my youngest i used to think the exact same things &

now i know i was worrying over nothing i know in my heart of hearts he's for keeps

he loved me for me and is a wonderful father to my daughter, even now he treats them

both the same, he's fab, don't know how i'd cope if he left but i know he wont.

As your pregnant we can blame your hormones lol

xx

Oh yeah i'm sticking to blaming my hormones! It'll be the last time i can blame them as i don't plan on having any more children after i've had Jellybean.

I think with everything that happened with the ex, it obviously leaves a lasting effect. At times i wish he would just drop down dead, but we can't have everything can we. I can respect him because he is my sons father....and without him i wouldn't have the fabulous little boy i have now. Though he has treated my son (who also has autism) very badly in the past.

My h2b is very good with my son. We've had our problems in the past, but i do love him dearly. I've literally fought tooth and nail for this man and he's a keeper.

I'll be pleased when these hormones settle down!! xxx

I havent had these thoughts but I think its because I know that my relationship with OH is unlike any other Ive had. I have often said to OH that I went in to this relationship with a fresh heart and put the past hurt and distrust behind me.

And Im sure you must feel that way too really. You know that your OH is nothing like your first husband and your relationship is on a totally different level (from how youve talked about it that is)

You prob fell out of love with your first husband because he was a cheat and generally horrible person. Thats understandable.

Most definitley little bit of the cobbywobbles coupled with pregnancy hormones.

You know your doing the right thing this time Mrs Im sure you do.

Now bend over whilst I give you a quick kick up the Ar*e and stop worrying!! lol

xxxx

Sorry for waffling

I'd say it's just hormones. My OH is my bestest bestest friend but when I was pregnant he did my bleeding head in! Luckily he used to laugh about it but seriously I'd go to bed in a grump at 8 every night. My best mate was the same. Oh and I didn't like being kissed or having anyone in my personal space so you can imagine how nice that was!

That is doom and gloom though! I've never been pregnant so can't comment on that but I think it is normal to have some wobbly thoughts especially if you've had a bad experience before, its a big committment and so I think its expected that we think things over alot! I used to 'what if' alot and it didnt get me anywhere. i try to be a bit more positive now or i'd always be too scared to commit if I hadnt let go of the past stuff.

Truthfully? All the time, and I don't even have rampaging hormones to blame it on.

H2B and I have been together for almost four years (wedding date is our 4th anniversary!) but the first 12-18 months were really rocky with him messing me about a lot. Even though he was pretty screwed up at the time (for good reason) and he's been much, much better for the past two-and-a-half years, there's just that part of me that wonders if I'm making a mistake marrying him when we built our relationship on such shaky foundations.

Sorry for taking this post on a tangent with my own issues. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that everyone has baggage (whether it's you, him or the relationship itself) and life/love doesn't come with a guarantee so it's perfectly natural to have wobbles. I think if you love the person then you just have to trust in that and give it your best shot!

Lol at fluffys comment lol.

Oh trust me, my h2b does my head in....at times it's like having a teenager, but he makes me laugh and smile and i can't stay serious with him for long....even when he drank too much on a night out and i was sober....he came in and crawled around on the floor barking at himself in the mirror and then tried to put my slippers on me when i was in bed.....i tried to stay serious but it didn't last long.

It's deffo the pregnancy thats making me want my own personal space. Perhaps that will improve soon...hopefully. Even sometimes if someone stands too close to me i feel me wanting to chew their head off! lol xxx

No i know what you mean. my oh 'thought' the grass was greener,...but he was never really away....the b*gger kept coming back so she never won. it only went on for a week. however she didn't believe me when i told her he was still with me,....she got in my face too much so i quite literally floored her....put him in his place, ripping out half of his mohican....and he's been saintly since!

But it is these experiences that although we can move on, they're always there in the back of our minds.

my h2b knows where he wants to be, trying for a baby was his idea, marriage was his idea (i never thought i'd get married again tbh)....and he looks after me... in return all i do is kick him up the a** now and then lol xxx

I am second time around aswell and I understand the insecurities completely ! But you know what if the worst case scenario happened ? We didn't die of it did we ? In fact we are stronger in many ways ! You are happy seize the day there are never any guarantees for any of us even those married 50 years ! But you know what ? I reckon it's worth the risk , you have had your bad luck and it is your turn to be happy xxxxxxxxxxx MINE TOO I HOPE LOL X

Awww have a ? Im sure its just hormones have some chocolate and another ?

Claire ?

Thanks Oldgal xx

I've never been pregnant, but it sounds like hormones - telling you one thing even when your thinking something else.

I never for a second thought my H2b would leave me, we have arguments and he pushes all my buttons when I am mad to wind me up, but even when things are really crap in life or between us, we're happier together than we would be apart.

I once got a very misinterpreted text which made me think he was having an affair, was like being physically punched and winded, and I instantly cried. Luckily he explained I was being an idiot and it was a perefectly legitimate reply to a total of 3 texts i'd previously send him! Phew!!

Im not preggers and never have been but have wobbles all the time. I cant subscibe to the "oooh im getting married and we are so happy" school of Hitching I am afraid. Yes MrMini is my soulmate but sometimes I want to kill him! We argue, we annoy each other and sometimes I worry that we will split up. Is that not normal in a realtionship?

@ VintageMini - I certainly think arguments and driving each other mad are normal. Personally I couldn't marry someone I didn't feel "secure" with IYSWIM, it's very important to me and I can honestly say me and OH are a little bit over-obessed with each other and our lives are so wrapped up in each other now so the worrying he will leave me isn't part of our relationship, but at the same time, I've said before we both have certain standards of behaviour and if one of us did something outside that we know the other would leave. Eg; Cheating. I like that we both know neither of us will take any crap from the other.

Were under no illusions that if one of us cheated then it would be over....

dosnt stop me worrying though.

@ Trickers - such a nice tribute to your and Mr Trickers relationship

@ Mini - Perhaps a marriage will provide you with a more secure feeling (this is what a recently married couple at our marriage councelling said - it makes them realise that when they fight, that their relationship isn't something which can be walked away from so easily and requires work etc after a petty argument).

Came across as a bit smug to me Trickers! Never say never, the future is a funny thing...

I wouldn't say finding happiness and contentment at 16 was being smug...

I think Tricks is very lucky...

Really?

My eyes just popped out of my head reading that!!

There's nothing smug about what you wrote, I dont get it either...

PS They OBVIOUSLY didn't read that you won the Scariest Hitcher award...

My bother who's now 12 is also has autism he is a little gem wouldn't change him for the world

i'm going to see if he will walk down the aisle with my & my cousin who's giving me away

but him being him i can't ask him just yet because all i'll get is when is the wedding ect ect

I must say i think your fab, with all the things you've been through/are going through you deserve

to be happy and i know you will be!

So stop thinking what if and start thinking about your big day you your OH & your little man & Jelly bean

xx

Wss Trickers your very lucky to find the one at 16 i think it's a thing to be proud of i know i would be !

I know what you mean, I have been with my H2B since I was 17 and quite literally cannot see myself with anyone else. Because I don't know what that would be like... if I try and picture it, all I can picture is him...

He did leave me when we started uni, very very briefly, but soon realised the grass is not greener and came back. And I know now that he won't ever leave again, firstly because he has grown up a vast amount since then (as have I) and secondly because he's tried it before and knows it's not worth it!

Rebecca your kind words just made me fill up, thank you xxx

I just know how hard it can be, i have one brother who has autism and another who's 5 is in the middle of being diagnosed

So i kinda know where your coming from

And your welcome

xxxx

My son was diagnosed when he was 4 after several speech therapy sessions. Once i got the diagnosis everything made so much more sense and i could place his quirky behaviour. He used to be a very withdrawn little boy, never used to interact with people but now he's the opposite and is excelling in school too xxx

That's brilliant,

My brother really struggled in a mainstream primary school, he had his own "helper" but they just didn't understand it took years to get him diagnosed it was only feb last year we got the actual diagnosis.

Now he's in a special needs high school which is fantastic he's come on leaps and bounds and he's also comfortable there & when he teachers talk about him i love being there, i'm so proud of him and he's not even my son!

xxx

i had to try for near 5 months for 1-2-1 education for my son, he finally got it and has stayed in mainstream

I had a right carry on with the nursery at the school though. They were refusing to take him at 4years as he was late in toilet training due to his learning difficulties....needless to say i went quite literally off it until they took him. I didn't see why my little boy should miss out and be set back even more than his other peers!

Thankfully they did take him and he soon got the hang of it. It's been a tough few years, as his dad (my ex husband) walked out on his 3rd birthday, so he has really dealt with none of this.

I'm so proud of my son xxx

Should really be proud of yourself too !!!

My youngest brother is 5 and still in nappies and his speech isn't the best but that's him

some people are too quick to accuse the mum of being "lazy" or not interested when they really

don't have the first clue!

It's sad your ex walked out on him. seems men have the easy option, but you've clearly done

brilliantly by him, and he's a lucky boy and if he's anything like my brother, he's going to be a fab big brother to little jellybean!

xxx

thank you xxx

I think its quite natural to have a wobble from time to time but it doesnt have any effect on the stability of your relationship unless you let it take over your thoughts. I have wondered if this is the right thing to do but when i cant think of one bad thing (?) about my W2b then i know it is.