Heartbroken :'(

The lawyer is just doing his job. It is no reflection on you. He's probably suggested a new will too....doesn't mean he thinks OH is going to die anytime soon.

This. It's an emotional subject, how did your h2b suggest it to you? This one needs a proper conversation me thinks.

Try not to take it personally - easy to say I know!!!

I would be upset by this too as like you say your nothing like his ex, speak to your fiance and tell him how you feel xx

Try and be objective. Yes, you are very different to his ex, but at some point he loved her and trusted her.....and got his fingers burnt. it's a practical issue not a trust issue or a love issue.

My OH has his own money....I have mine. We both have pasts, kids and tales to tell of exes and settlements. If he wants a prenup he can have it.....as a symbol of my absolute faith that nothing will keep me from wanting to be his wife. for ever.

I agree with Kimiu, its not about you or love..its about logic, be objective, if this was your brother or friend that had gone through the same thing wouldn't you think they should do the same thing.

Plus it is a two way street protect yourself and to be honest, I bet you never need it anyway! Like its been said before sit down and have a chat with him..try not to get over emotional about it try to be objective.

Having been the one who has been 'stung' by not having one as I trusted my ex and believed in him so much, I now think these are a very good idea

It's so hard because both sides have their positives and negatives but clearly he has had issues with an ex before so from his lawyer's point of view, he's just being pragmatic. I think you need to take emotion out of it and think what you'd do if this wasn't your fiance. You'd tell your brother/male friend to protect their assets. I know I would!

I don't think it's a slight on you at all. Please try not to take it personally.

Also, a pre-nup could work in your favour if you agree to certain clauses, such as (god forbid) he commits adultery and it's explicitly written in the agreement your rights in that situation.

I know it's not nice, but it's something the OH has requested of me too. His dad has been bled dry by 2 women (not his mum!) and for that reason he seems to think that all women are capable of it. I've tried explaining that he can't tar me with the same brush as his dad's ex-wives but he's not having any of it. But at the end of the day in with him because I love him and not because of what he has/hasn't got. So I'll sign it. No questions asked.

I wouldn't be offended at all if I was asked to sign a prenup. Totally fair enough. It happened in the past. It's no reflection on your relationship. Unfortunately life gets in the way and people have to be careful!

Thanks everyone, i do understand what he's been through and stood by him and I'm practically giving up everything to be with him, just knocked me sideways there had never been a mention of this before, he knows how upset I am and guess we have a lot more talking to do yet.

I'm signing a prenup :-/ it does hurt me a little as we have been together. 7 years and have an 11 month old daughter. He is being fair in what he offers and the fact I've been flittering through uni courses and never contributed. I know he's worked very hard to get his properties and says if we never married I'd have no entitlement to them anyway but still.. I like to think he knows I wouldn't screw him over.

I just try not to think about it too much and my mom says if it was the other way around she would want me to do the same and protect myself. Xx

To be honest nothing to add to this but yay iv found my date twin :-) haven't stumbled across one yet!

This is really interesting, and something OH and I discussed as our circumstances are quite different, also we're buying a house and any declaration we make now will become invalid when we get married.

In our case there's a trust involved, so we definitely need something in writing unfortunately. But we will likely end up with just a normal declaration and tenancy in common, which would show our intentions should anything happen, and worry about it at a later date.

There are lots of reasons why a pre-nup might be advisable. For example if you already have children from previous relationships, you want to protect your assets so that your children do not end up with nothing.

Yes, as far as I am concerned, what's mine is "ours" but at the end of the day, I know the realities of life, and ultimately none of us ever know what's around the corner. If I were to lose half the house I own I would feel that I have let down my children, especially as by giving half of it away in any divorce settlement, it would ultimately go to his daughter, whom I have never met, and who does not wish to have anything to do with me.

I can make all this provision in a will in the event of my death, and indeed have done so, but in the event of divorce, the same could be arranged with a pre-nup.

From other experience, my father's second marriage lasted just 4 months. They'd been together about 3 years but the house was his, etc. After 4 months, she announced she was leaving him for someone else, and subsequently demanded half of everything. Thankfully a judge decided that 4 months was as good as nothing, but still the costs of the legal action were far more than any pre-nup would have costed, as well as the heartbreak and stress involved. Dad died a year later, with his Decree NISI in place but not his absolute, so she was still technically his widow, not his ex-wife....so you can imagine the next fight we had.

What I'm trying to say is that we all want to believe everything is right, but none of us know what is around the corner, and by making provision we can reduce the pain further down the line. Pre-nups, Wills, Powers of Attorney,....none of which we WANT to have or think about, but which perhaps we should.

From the above, it sounds like I will be demanding a pre-nup from my h2b before walking down the aisle. That's not the case at all, and I will NOT be asking him to sign one. But, he too has assets to protect, and a daughter that he wants to provide for, and so if he asked me to sign one, then I would. It doesn't affect how much I love him, how much he loves me, how much we trust each other etc. It just means it's one less thing to worry about should anything go wrong.

Divorce is stressful enough as it is, especially when you have children involved. Anything that stops some of the fighting and legal back and forth during that process is not a bad thing. I don't anticipate going through divorce again, and believe solidly in everything marriage stands for. But after 20 years of marriage previously, I know that life isn't always what you wish for.

I absolutely wouldn't have an issue with signing a pre-nup. My OH hasn't asked for one but if he did I would check the clauses and sign it if I was happy with it. Yes it isn't very romantic but having a legal background I can absolutely see the requirement in certain circumstances. In our case, we both have our own houses and I have a good job with a good wage so in a divorce I am unlikely to walk away with more than I came into the marriage with. If, however, our financial lives were different why should I be able to walk away after a few years of marriage with a massive settlement? I'm guessing that in your case there is a big difference in what you are bringing into the marriage?

We all buy holiday insurance but don't intend on falling ill abroad. We buy car insurance not just so we can have an accident. A pre-nup is just an insurance policy for your OH. It doesn't make him any less committed to the marriage and maybe by asking you to sign it he is making sure you are committed too. I would be highly suspicious of someone refusing to sign one. If you are both as committed as you say you are then it a piece of paper that sits in a drawer and expires after a number of years.

It's completely understandable how you feel, but I honestly don't think this is a reflection of you at all. The fact that you said his ex wife took him to the cleaners is understandable also. I would honestly be devastated too, but I honestly wouldn't read that much into it.

I think the way you've got to look at it is...

If you stay together the pre-nup doesn't matter one jot.

If you split up you don't get to keep stuff that was his before you got married.

I don't think I'd have a problem with that.

What I would want is it to be fair - so if, for instance, you earn money that contributes to the upkeep of the properties or you have kids once you're married and he is able to carry on work building his property portfolio etc - that acquisitions after the marriage are divided fairly.

I don't know if it's the done thing but I would be tempted to have a lawyer of my choosing look over it from my own point of view too - just to make sure it was fair.

I completely understand that it's a shock but it really doesn't need to be a relationship crisis point. It's really just good sense.

Hope you are able to agree on a way forward. What a horrible situation for you to be in.

I wonder whether he is not quite over the pain and stress the process of divorcing caused him? If that's the case then that's something he needs to work on rather than trying to control his anxiety with a pre-nup.

Personally, I agree with MrsBW that marriage is about joining together and an exit strategy isn't hugely helpful IMO. Having said that I can see why people worry and want to protect themselves.

I also wonder why he didn't bring this up sooner? It's a little short notice isn't it? Presumably you've had a chat about how you're going to deal with finances (e.g. joint account/no joint account, transferring your home into joint names etc)? Why didn't he bring it up then? Or at least say that he would speak to his solicitor and obtain advice?

If you decide to go along with the pre-nup do make sure that you get your own legal advice from an independent solicitor. I am sure OH will be delighted to pay for it seeing that it's his idea. Don't just sign whatever your OH puts in front of you.

Oh Dizzycaz I'm so sorry that you've been left feeling this way. I completely understand that your first reaction must be to feel hurt and disappointed. I'm sure that is a natural reaction, and I think most people on here would have the same recation if they were faced with this.

That being said, I really don't think that it is a reflection on his desire to marry you, or his intentions for the future of your marriage. And it sounds like it wasn't even his idea, but rather that of his lawyer. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, pre-nups can protect both of you should the worst ever happen. As some of the others have said, sometimes life happens and throws us curve balls, and it doesn't hurt for both of you to be protected should that happen, you would automatically know where you stand without having to fight a court battle. I'm sure you will also be asked to write wills together too, to protect you both should that awful event happen.

I'm sure he does trust you completely in what you have said about money, he woulnd't be marrying you otherwise. He obviously loves you if he has proposed. A pre-nup isn't a reflection of that at all. Have a read of what they are proposing within it. You can always add clauses in if you don't agree with certain elements of it. A lot of famous people have them too, and that's not a reflection of their marriages, or an indictaor that the marriage will end, it's just another contract, a document, to look after each of you.

And it will probably never need to be used. So if his lawyer wants to spend time drafting one up, then let him. It's not going to be needed, so it's just another piece of paper in a folder somewhere. Try not to think about it too much. Which I know is easy for us to say. But have faith in the fact that you won't ever need to use it.

I signed one for the simple fact that Mark's ex wife was the one who had an affair but still took more than her fair share in the divorce and still looks for more even now!

I also signed this document safe in the knowledge that we will never need to use it, we both have been stung by cheating partners, been through the utter misery that divorce brings and have no intention of going through it again! My ex-husband once had his solicitor send me a letter asking me to detail the contents of the cutlery drawer in order to delay things!

Ours (against the advice of Mark's solicitor) becomes null and void on the death of either of us. We felt very strongly that this was only a document to prevent us from gaining financially on divorce.

On divorce you will be automatically be entitled to half the marital assets and maintenance for any children that live with you.....you could have this written into the prenup and it would just be the same as a 'normal' divorce anyway. It would just prevent either of you going for more!

Please don't take this as a reflection of how much he loves you. My situation is slightly weird - I'm the one asking my h2b for a pre-nup to protect HIS assets! We wouldn't own a house if he hadn't made wise financial decisions and garnered a large deposit, and he has always paid the majority of the mortgage & bills due to earning significantly more than me. I don't feel it's at all fair that on marriage, I automatically become entitled to half of what HE has earned. So, I asked him if we could draft a document that says if we divorce, I am not entitled to the equity in the house (although my name will go on the mortgage). He doesn't want to do it, but I have pestered and pestered him. A few friends have already made comments about me "jumping" on the housing ladder by marrying him, and how unfair etc it is, so this is my way of knowing, personally, that the only thing I'll gain from marrying him is a partner in crime/love of my life.