Help!!!

CONGRATULATIONS

I think you should do what you want to do. i dont believe in god, dont ever go to church (except wedding funeral and christenings), have no religious ties at all so didnt think a church would be suitable for me.

you dont have to justify WHY you want to get marrie din a church to any one. if thats what you want then thats what you want dont listen to very bit of tittle tattle meanness you read of a webite. its just their opinion which you dont have to take

x

I agree with them.

Why do you want to get married in a church?

Sorry WSS!! i believe there is 'something' but i wouldn't say i believe in God...IMO why would you want to take your vows to God as well as your H2B if you don't believe in him? I found the church vows are too revolved around God which for us would seem like a lie (because neither of us really believe!)

anyway if thats what you want to do plenty of people do!

congrats on the engagement and good luck with the planning x

Hi, welcome to the forum.

I also agree about only getting married in a church if you are religious. I am not religious so for that reason i'm getting married in a hotel.

Because I feel that getting married in a church is the right thing to do. It wouldn't feel proper to me if we were to get married in a hotel.

Have to agree with Red Bazza and Sange.

Welcome to Hitched btw.

I can see your point, a lot of people choose a church wedding because they are traditional, regardless of whether they believe in god. Getting married in a church is associated with the traditional wedding.

More like you feel that this is the expected thing to do.

If you do not believe in god no point taking your vows in a church as it was not really mean anything. Also you do realise that most church's require you to go to mass for a certain amount of time before the wedding?

I am more than happy to attend church untill we are married (and maybe after that) if it is required. I have never said I do not believe in God. I have just never had the opportunity to learn about God so therefore have no real opinion.

I don't feel like i am expected to get married in a church. My family want us to marry somewhere else however we both want to take our vows in a church where we feel it means something.

Start going to church now then.

well id suggest going and speaking to the priest in the first instance and learning about the faith you want to be a part of before deciding where you want to marry.

It only means something if you believe in the vows you are making and therefore believe in God. There are plenty of places that look like a church, but aren't, that you could get married in.

I'm confused. You say that you want to get married in a church, but that you're upset because someone said you shouldn't get married in a church if you don't believe. But you say that you do, so why are you upset?

FWIW, we're getting married in a church and the vicar asked us why we wanted to do it there, and what our beliefs were. We just answered him honestly

I do believe in the vows I will be making and don't want to just get married in somewhere that looks like a church

I'm confused.

I apologise, what I should have written was that I was upset because it was implied that we should go to church regularly etc.

At the end of the day, I will answer the reverend honestly and if it's not acceptable then I can't do much about that. If he wants us to attend church, then we'll do that. I'm open to doing whatever it takes to allow us to marry there. I would like to believe that what is up there is God and maybe one day I will get proof that he is up there.

At the end of the day I believe in Christian values and admire their beliefs, all of which I try to live my life by. Surely that counts for a lot, and if not, then I will obviously have to consider somewhere else.

Eh? I thought church was all about god. I dont believe in god so never would have married in a church. I got married in a country house and my wedding was very "proper".

The OP is now contradicting herself and this is all becoming very confusing. Like Nursey said above, if you do believe in God why are you bothered what another forum has said?

Sounds fair enough to me, and my vicar accepted something very similar. I even told him that I had doubts about it all after my Dad died.

I think that, for example, if my brother got married in a church, then as an atheist it would just be weird. He got married in a town hall, but my SIL's parents were not happy about it!

I doubt the vicar will talk to you about details of the day, since it's a fair way away. Our initial meeting was just a brief "get to know us" kind of thing. We had that in Nov 2010 and we're meeting with him this week to discuss the details. We have a marriage preparation class next month too

Agreed! I was brought up a catholic but don't regularly attend church and feel it would be hypocritical of me to attend just for the sole purpose of getting married!

I apologise, I am trying to write this whilst at work so am having to be very quick which is why i'm not explaining myself very well. However, I did say that I don't necessarily believe in God, I believe there is something there but I couldn't say I believe that's God. That would be why I'm worried.

I sort of didn't expect this response. I apologise for anyone I have offended. I think next time I'll have to make sure I'm not in work and have the time to write full reponses. Sorry again.

I'm not offended. We enjoy a healthy debate on Hitched from time to time, so you shouldn't be offended either.

I get that, but if you don't at all then I just don't see the point, other than that a church wedding is asthetically pleasing (which isn't right imo). I'm not saying you have to go to church every week. I don't.

It's like having your child Christened when you don't believe in God and have no intention of raising your child as a Christian. What's the point?

Agreed with the Baroness.

The thing about marrying in a church is that you make your vows before God, to God, and with faith. Christianity isn't about hedging your bets until someone can 'prove' it to you. You are asking for God to watch over you and, through your faith, to guide you in life and in marriage. If you don't believe that, then imho, you shouldn't be married in a church.

But I want to believe that...

You really are making no sense at all now.

Why? I have said all along I want to believe that there is something there and it would be great it it was God. I have never said anything apart from that

Exactly LuLu!

I really don't think you are being fair at all. I asked for a bit of advise to settle both our nerves and some people have been so helpful whereas you just want to make me feel like my opinion means nothing. I know you don't have the same views as me, but there is no need to be nasty. I'm very new to the whole getting married thing and am finding it all very hard as I am pretty much on my own. I thought I would find understanding and helpful people on here, not one's who would just take the mick.

I'm not taking the mick. I gave you my opinion and you gave me yours.

If you want to marry in a church then marry in a church.

I believe most churches require you to attend for x number of months before they'll agree to marry you anyway. My SIL and her fiancé have been going for the last few months for this very reason. We had a civil ceremony because H is not even slightly religious.

Marrying in a church because it's "traditional" or because they're pretty buildings for nice photographs isn't right. IMO.