Help!!!

Listen you came on here with a statement about getting married in church if you don't believe in God. You must have known it would be a contentious issue as you said someone on another forum had already mentioned it.

Why don't you just go to the meeting with the Vicar and see what he says? If he decides it's not right for you to get married in a church, you find somewhere else. It's not the end of the world. It's what we had to do. I'm catholic and we had to rethink our plans when it turned out we couldn't get married in a church. This wasn't down to them saying no, it was because it was out of Parish but we are now having a civil ceremony at our reception venue and it doesn't feel any less 'real'.

Kharv, thank you for your response.

I never said I simply don't believe in God. Somehow a select few people have decided I said that when I didn't. I came on to ask others who had been for interviews at the church what to expect and have since received some quite hurtful remarks from people who haven't been through this situation.

I believed in God when I was younger, then, like a lot of people, bad stuff starting happening so I doubted it. I went to church off my own back when I was younger when my parents advised me not to, because I believed. But because of things that have happened, I have doubts now, but I never said I definitely don't believe.

Oh come on!

People have just given honest opinons, not one person has been hurtful!

Were getting married in a church. When we went for out meeting he just asked us questions like where we both lived, if we both lived in the parish and how long had we lived there (both born and bred in our local area) he asked if we were sure we wanted to enter into marriage (which apparently they have to ask), he also took my parents names and address and my fiance's parents name and address.it's not as scary as what you imagine.

We have another meeting coming up shortly to arrange the finer details of the day

Ah thank you Sue, that's fab. Has definitely put my mind at rest! I think we have both been imagining the most awful thing possible! I'm terrible at interviews at the best of times haha! Thank you :o)

I don't think anyone's been hurtful to be honest. You made a statement that people have responded to. I'm sorry that you haven't had the responses you wanted but this is a very honest forum and people will give their opinions.

Exactly this.

I apologise for being a sensitive person but some of the things that a couple of people have said have upset me. I know people are entitled to their opinions which is absolutely fine, but I didn't come on asking if people agreed with me getting married in a church. Therefore, those opinions were not needed.

What have I said that's upset you?

Maybe if you can't explain properly because your at work you should leave it until you get home now? as you have put in both this forum and another some comments that i have found very offensive (more so in the other forum!)

you obviously have reasons for getting married in a church and others have reasons for marrying elsewhere but don't get defensive about people questioning where your getting married when in the other forum you have fully questioned anyone who gets married anywhere else but a church!

i think your digging a hole trying to justify yourself!

The plot thickens.....

Your on another forum Mrs*W*2B? Traitor!?

Haha ocasionally

i think the more honest responses come from here though!!

but just a bit pee'd off when i saw a couple of comments about people who DON'T marry in a church e.g

''We want to take our vows seriously''

''I feel that people who get married elsewhere, where they can have everything under one roof, do so because it is the easy option, to have everything in one place, under one roof, with no added costs of travelling etc. I don't want the start of my marriage to be an easy option.''

and i just think she's digging a hole trying to justify her reasons and in that offending others INCLUDING ME!! haha

anyway rant over now x

Nice...

Mrs*W*2B? - I apologise, what I wrote wasn't meant to offend you, somebody upset me and I retaliated by saying something which I shouldn't which would obviously offend others. Please accept by apology for that

Now I feel absolutely awful. I'm so sorry to everyone. I've just been getting so stressed with everything. I have to try and sort everything out on my own as I don't have family around me to help and it's really getting me down. I know I have offended so many people and I really haven't meant to. I'm come on here and alienated everyone on my second visit to the site. I really do value all your opinions (even when they are what I don't want to hear) and i'm so so sorry. I really am. I'm getting myself all confused and like someone said, i'm just digging myself a hole as I'm going round in circles myself. I really am truely sorry...

Thats what i was saying... nobody wanted to offend you, you wrote a statement and people just responded to that (obviously not how you expected) but stop getting worked up trying to justify yourself because it's causing you to offend other peoples arrangements (when im sure you don't mean to either!!)...lets just leave it all now!! enjoy your wedding planning!! x

It takes a LOT more than that to offend me!

All of the above suggests to me that you might want to consider attending church now anyway, to learn about the values and beliefs you say are already important to you, rather than as a means to being permitted to marry in a church.

Do you really have your heart set on getting married in August 2013? If you take the pressure off about setting the date/booking venue and attend church for a while to see if it 'works for you' then you can make your venue decision after this.

To me it sounds like there are two separate issues here, the venue for your marriage and your faith.

Welcome to Hitched first off !

Speak with the vicar, my fiancé is COE and I'm catholic however I kind of lost my faith too when I was younger due to some unkind comments from Catholics at a difficult time in my life.

We took the opportunity to go and see the vicar and explain the way I feel, he was lovely he said hopefully attending church before the wedding and intragating with a caring parish will bring your beliefs back and it completely has!

Technically I suppose at the start I was in exactly the same boat as you were and now (steadily) am regaining my faith!!

When you post online its a bit of a minefield as you are expressing your opinions and asking for others and something that you may not even realise may offend someone.

Nothing that can be done though I'm afraid that's life you have apologised for any offence caused and personally that's good enough for me.

(don't worry wont condemn you to a stoning just yet! )

Let us know how you get on

xx

I'm really confused by this whole thing now. You're saying you want to get married in a church because you want to believe in God. but you're not sure you do. You don't believe but you don't not believe. What does your H2B think about this whole thing? I think you should go to church a bit before you decide whether a religious or civil ceremony is right for you. Both types of weddings are real, and both can be beautiful