HELP

Why do you want to get married in a church if you're not religious? This makes no sense to me.

First of all, please turn your capslock off! Second go to https://www.yourchurchwedding.org/ Everything you need about Church weddings is there including how to find your parish church.

Ok, first things first. Please don't use all caps, as it hurts most people's eyes. Secondly, please put some detail in the title of your post, as it makes it easier for relevant people to answer.

If you're not religious, why get married in a church? Sort of defies the point, in my opinion.

Can you not marry at your venue? Where is it?

View quoted message

I also don't understand this to be honest. I'm having a civil ceremony so I don't really know much about church weddings, but don't churches expect you to have some kind of link to the church and/or show some kind of commitment to a Christian marriage through regular church attendance leading up to the wedding?

I want to get married in a church as i love the whole church feel it just feels so right for a wedding i dont find any other sort of wedding as intimate as a church.

If i have to i will attend church to have my big day in a church

Whilst I don't understand the want to marry in a church without being religious, this is taken from the previously linked website.

"My partner believes in God but I'm not sure. Would I be hypocritical to marry in church?"

You are welcome to have a Church of England wedding, regardless of your beliefs. A sample of a typical wedding service can be viewed here. Take a look at it together and with your Vicar who understands that spiritual beliefs are complex and varied. This need not be a barrier to a church wedding.

View quoted message

Word of advice... Don't have this attitude when you meet your vicar, dont think they'll appreciate it!

View quoted message

Completely the wrong attitude in my opinion. Getting married in a church is declaring your love for each other to GOD. If you don't believe in God you may as well declare your promises to Barney the purple dinosaur.

And I had a civil ceremony and it was very intimate.

View quoted message

My eyes ?

How very gracious of you. You may want to think of a better reply to some of the questions the vicar will ask you when you have your interview...

View quoted message

Your Vicar will hear this as "I want to get married in Church because it's pretty" which is basically what you're saying. Whilst he may think that a compliment to his beautiful building, it won't make him desperate to marry you in it.

Feels like my question has offended some people but my partner is religious but i am not i still want the church wedding for him as much as myself the feel of a church wedding is what i want

i never once said i didnt believe in god i just said im not religious

View quoted message

Hmm....

My partner is religious and so is my son so really its only me who is not

its not like i have said i dont believe in god its just i do not go to church which i expect half the people who marry in a church dont attend every sunday either but does not mean i do not want to marry in gods house

View quoted message

Maybe you're better off asking your partner what kind of church you should get married in then. What denomination is he? Does he go to church or was there a particular church he went to growing up?

Fair enough that you believe in God and your partner is religious, but it seemed at first that you just wanted a church wedding because you thought churches are pretty, and people were just trying to warn you that that's not going to go down well with the vicar. You can't just get married in any church you want, it's at the vicar's discretion.

View quoted message

As Peanut said - you were asking what type of church. If your son and partner are religious, shouldn't you know which type of church they frequent?

For me personally, your reasoning for marrying in a church doesn't seem right. I wholeheartedly agree with what the other contributors are saying, the vicar will not appreciate and may even be offended by you attending because you 'have to'. The vicar will want you to be part of the parish head count because you want to. I note that you say that your partner and son are religious - could you come to a compromise? Maybe have a ceremony at your venue with a blessing? The whole reason people get married in churches is to declare their love for one another in front of God in his house.

I was brought up in a catholic family but I am not getting married in church because I am not religious, my fiancé isn't religious either so getting married in a church is definitely not for us because of this. A civil ceremony IS intimate, it is what you make it. Hope this helps

From what I can make out of your original post, your question is: 'What type of church do I have to go to if I'm not religious?'

The answer for this would be that any church would welcome you to worship with them. However, I don't think you will find a vicar willing to marry you if you say what you have said here.

If your local parish vicar agrees to marry you then you don't have to attend church so many times, I believe that is at the discretion of the vicar. If you want to marry at a church out of your parish then you will need to attend a certain number of times in order to achieve a qualifying connection.

I never once said a civil ceremony wasnt intimate for the individual who choses it

both my partner and son are catholics but there church wont marry us in there as im not catholic i wanted the church for all of us not just for me i wuld still like a vicar etc for my partner so it still has a religious type of feel for him but yes i do love the look of the church i wont deny that one bit what type of thing could i do in a civil ceremony like a blessing to make it feel still religious for him

thanks for your reply butterfly child it was a help

Brilliant thread!

I really don't get the premise that a church ceremony is naturally more 'intimate'. If anything, I think the opposite. Most churches are high vaulted and open spaces, with bare walls, echoing heel clicks and uncomfortable seats. Every civil ceremony I've been to has been cosy, relaxed, the very definition of 'intimate'. Obviously not all churches are the same, neither are all civil venues, but I don't see a natural connection between 'church' and 'intimate'.

OP, are you Christian? Have you been christened? You can get dispensation to marry a Catholic in a Catholic church. Not sure what the priest will make of pre-marital children though

Also to say, would your Boy want to get married in a non-Catholic church? It won't be his religious beliefs being honoured, it is a service based on a different religion.

Yeah I was about to say the same, I have a few Catholic friends who had Catholic marriages to their CoE partners, but I think you do have to have been christened.

View quoted message

This is true. If your OH is catholic then I actually think it's fine to marry in a church if it's important to him and the priest allows it.

Footlong, the OP's original signature said they met in February of this year so I'm presuming the child isn't both of theirs. May be from a previous marriage?

View quoted message

have never heard of this dispensation what is it ?? im not christened

So just to clarify...

You want to get married in a church as it means so much to your partner and your child. They are Catholic and you have already enquired about marrying in a Catholic church but have discovered that you can't, as you are not religious.

So you are on the hunt for a non-Catholic church that will marry you without you having to attend regularly? And your partner would be happy with marrying in a non-Catholic church despite his own religious beliefs because it will have the 'religious feel'? Epic.

How about a civil service with a blessing afterwards? I have no experience of the Catholic church but this may be something they would consider? My cousin had a blessing in church as the vicar would not marry them due to her partner being a divorcee.

Again, I refer you to yourchurchwedding.org

"I’m Church of England and he’s a Catholic. Does that matter?"

It doesn’t matter from the Church of England’s perspective. Anyone is welcome to be married in their local CofE parish church. (A complication would only arise if one of you has been married before.)

If one of you is a Roman Catholic and you want the Roman Catholic Church to recognise your marriage, you will need to seek the advice of your Roman Catholic priest about the permission required for marrying a non-Roman Catholic. Some vicars encourage couples in this situation to involve the Catholic priest in the marriage service too. See www.interchurchfamilies.org.uk for more information.

View quoted message

if you're not baptised catholic, then you can't just marry in a catholic church. You have to ask permission, which gets escalated, normally to the bishop I think, who will grant dispensation for you to marry in a catholic church.

I think sometimes they ask for you to be baptised/confirmed, but I'm C of E so can't say that for sure.

If this post is asking if my son is both of ours yes he is we have been together 12 years and engaged since febuary this year so no other marrage im new to this

OP, if you believe in God but don't subscribe to (or care about?) organised religion, might you consider getting christened (assuming it is the Christian version of God you believe in)? It might make it easier to persuade a Catholic church marry you.

View quoted message

Obviously I can't speak for your partner as I don't know him, but I know my catholic friends would rather a civil ceremony if they were marrying someone not religious, than marry in a C of E church for the sake of it.