Help!! Bridesmaids issue

Any advice ladies? Maybe I typed too much....

Personally, I don't think I'd be asking this girl to be your BM just because she sounds so indecisive/unreliable. Do you really want to put yourself through that stress?

You can still have her as part of your day as a guest and enjoy it with her, but I don't think asking her to be BM will automatically make you closer like you used to be again.

I agree, it's not a good idea to have her as your BM when you're wanting to "start a new relationship and start again". 1) It puts a lot of pressure on both of you at a time when you're both going to be feeling your way and getting to know each other again; 2) It could just highlight how far apart you've grown.

Being a BM is a big commitment, and I don't think it's a good idea to ask that of someone who you don't currently have a strong relationship with.

Thank you for your reply.

That is the problem, but I do want her to be one. My family are all assuming I will ask both of them too which is a bit of a bind but they know the decision is mine.

I agree with others that its a bad idea to be a BM for the reasons the others said. I'd let the relationship grow & see how things go in a few months. Certainly don't rush into making them BM's for the sake of it, or because family expect it! Its far easier to ask them to be involved later, than un-invite one if things go sour again.

I very much doubt she would even remember you telling her that you'd make her a MOH. If you feel you 'must' have the sisters do something, why not ask 1 to be an usher, the other to do a speech or some other involvement/help with organising? You already have 2 BM's, do you really need more?

Getting married and planning a wedding comes with a lot of stress. Do you really want to add to that stress worrying wether she will turn up for dress fittings, help out when you need her, agree with what dress and things you want the bridesmaids to wear. From what you say I don't think she will be as reliable as your other bidesmaids and there for will add to any stress you will be under for the planning. xx

Can you arrange a night or meal it half way between the two of you? With partners if she can't bear to be parted from her boyfriend. See whether you can build a new relationship? Relationships change through life. I wouldn't adk someone I'm not close to. You only have to search on here for how many bridesmaid nightmare stories there are. Besides which it's a big expense for someone who may not be reliable.

You could just ask her to get together to talk about the engagement / wedding stuff? Perfect excuse! See how you feel after meeting in person.

Also, she is family. Much as you dislike her bf, if you can show you accept him it might go a long way. Maybe a double date night?! Or girls catch up. Xx

Thanks!

We have arranged to meet up on a Sunday and go into her local town in about 3 weeks time and see where it goes from there. At least there is plenty to talk about with the wedding so we shouldn't be too stuck for conversation and that way it would just be the two of us!

Will let you know how it goes....

I think you should have her as a bridesmaid - you will really hurt her by not having her and that might make things much worse. Just don't expect too much of her so you're not disappointed.

In terms of rebuilding a relationship - don't force it. All the things that drove you nuts are still going to happen and you need to keep that in mind when you are trying to rebuild that friendship. Why not try and do things as couples? That way her bf is involved as well? Like dinner or drinks?

I think you can rebuild the relationship but you need to have realistic expectations - she's still going to be more interested in the bf than what you have going on. Some people are unfortunately just like that.

I do not want to hurt her feelings, it would be nice to have her back even though I know it will be different now. Dinner might be quite nice when things get back on track, I think we'll see how it goes on the first girly meet up, hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

I would definitely meet up and see how things feel before you rush into any decisions either way ?

I second this, don't rush into it. OH rushed his decision on BM and now regrets it, but it's rather tricky to un-ask. Good luck