Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

S
Beginner August 2013

HELP!! I can't say no to my mum!!!

Sharnaschuh, 9 November, 2012 at 13:14 Posted on Planning 0 10

How do say no to my VERY over powering mum, without upsetting her?

Me and my mum are very different, I use the anallogy, She's reading War and Peace and I'm reading a beano comic. She would love nothing more that a massive wedding in a plush hotel, tables laid out beautifully, a band, a real traditional wedding. But we're not like that, after the church service, it's off to a field for a hog roast, bucking bronko and drum and bass all night.

Our theme is a white, chilled out fete, the bridesmaids are wearing white, the men are wearing cream linin suits, with no ties or waistcoats, all the flowers are white and there are no formal table settings, just grab a beanbag. This is my mums worst nightmare and it's killing her to pretend to me. She just seems to hate everything I choose.

I also brought my dress by accident, (it wasn't planned!) whilst away for the weekend with a friend, so I feel massivly guilty about that, so I'm saying yes to things now that don't want, because she does. She brought me a tiara, which is nice but it's gold and I dont wear gold, I wanted a big white flower in my hair!!

I am so worried about upsetting her, but I'm not being true to myself.

10 replies

Latest activity by Elixia, 9 November, 2012 at 21:59
  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    It sounds like you're very good at saying "no" to your Mum.....

    • Reply
  • cinnamonfairy
    Rockstar June 2020
    cinnamonfairy ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Am I missing something here? Do you actually need help with something?

    You seem to be doing everything you want to do. Where have you said that you are having a hard time saying "no" to all of your Mums extensive demands?

    ?

    • Reply
  • Bluebell25
    Beginner August 2013
    Bluebell25 ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Sounds fantastic! Ours is similar I think, so I'll be interested to see what you're doing! Although I'm not sure we're having the drum and bass ? Like the others have said, it sounds like you've done well sticking to your guns so far. Are there more traditional elements to the day, like the church flowers, or more formal things that you could involve her in so she feels she's being included (and you feel less guilty!), without her getting involved in the parts you know she won't love?

    • Reply
  • ellebob
    Beginner February 2013
    ellebob ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    I agree, a ceremony in a church sounds pretty traditional so try to steer her towards helping with that part so she can be involved without interfering in other parts. And tell her gold doesn't go with the colour scheme.

    • Reply
  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    You have to break some eggs to make an omelette!

    You've already made progress, you've bought the dress YOU want and have a set idea on what you would like. Respectfully tell that you would love her involvement and enthusiasm and that your trying to make a day that represents you both as a couple. You'd like advise of how to achieve your plans and ultimately its the couples choice of how to spend their union.

    avoid the the word 'but' its negative, try replacing it with 'and'

    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner November 2013
    Bathsheeba ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Personally, I've never understood "breaking it to someone gently".

    If someone needs telling, then plain English is the best way. If they get upset, let them sulk. They'll get over it.

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner August 2013
    Sharnaschuh ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Thanks for those who gave postive support,

    If you can imagine, my mother is Hyacinth Bucket and I'm Eddie from Ab Fab, we're worlds apart!! But I love her dearly and I don't want to upset her.

    I've said yes to loads of stuff, inviting her friends, colours, she wanted me to have other bridemaids, decor, she wants to make my cake, bridesmaids dresses, my dress at one point, make all the other cakes were having, choose the band and music, flowers, at one point she even tried to choose my wedding ring for me, do I need to go on.

    We have got somethings we wanted, but not with out tears (on my part) as whatever me and my OH choose is rubbished!!

    • Reply
  • rubyfirecracker
    Beginner November 2013
    rubyfirecracker ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Sharnaschuh, it's hard for mum's of the older generation who have certain expectations etc. It's not the 50s anymore, but they don't seem to have moved on! Luckily (well, kind of) my mum is only 17 years older than me (gymslip!!!) and I grew up in care so I have none of these problems (although others to make up for it, hehe)...

    I think your wedding sounds great, exactly the kind I'd like to be invited to (mind, I'm not sure about drum and bass but thats me), not too many worlds away from ours. I suppose it depends if your mum is contributing. From what I've read on here, parents who put towards think that gives them rights over stuff. I guess the best thing to do is have a *family meeting* (vomit, I know) and set out exactly what you all expect from the start then negotiate agree - I know its shitty but it's kinda what you'd do with a staff team working on a big project, and at least you all know where you stand. With weddings, we all assume other people will know and therefore respect our feelings - she is probably just as annoyed that you are being so 'inconsiderate' (that's not my opinion btw) so thrash it all out with them all.

    Sorry for the ramble Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Alright, then on side withg imzadicoleoidea then, she needs to step down. seriously. why isn't some mothers want to re-live there lives through their daughters? ... maybe it time to so sly. start booking things and agree things with vendors without your mothers input what so ever. sort of like what Gracefly had to do here (though i know her story is a little different)

    She's not getting married YOU ARE.

    • Reply
  • rubyfirecracker
    Beginner November 2013
    rubyfirecracker ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    PS Elixia, I saw this and thought of you!

    http://www.likecool.com/Body/Food/Super%20Mario%20Kart%20Wedding%20Cake/Super-Mario-Kart-Wedding-Cake.jpg

    • Reply
  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Thats Awesome!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×


Related articles

Premium members

  • Q
    Qa Test I got married in August - 2022 North Yorkshire

General groups

Hitched article topics

Contest icon

Win £3,000 for your wedding

Join Hitched Rewards, where you can win £3,000 simply by planning your wedding with us. Start collecting entries, it's easy and free!

Enter now