help, INLAWS!!!! advice please (update)

No he does not want them as their brides maids, it his mum that does.

To sum up, my partner does not want his sisters to be bridesmaids it is his mum that wants them to be. i have a good relationship with his mother and was surprised when my partner told me about this. i have asked and asked my partner about his sisters being bridesmaids loads of time even since the offer of money but he still supports me as i only want my sis and best friend. my partner has chosen his best men and ushers without me saying that i want someone from my side and my partner thinks i should have the same in my choice of bridesmaids.

i think the idea of the sisters ( who are twins) doing a reading is a great idea as that would involve them without them being my bridesmaids.

thank you for all your comments. keep them coming

x i have 712 days till my wedding and am already stressed about this, does it get any better.

I think asking your future SILs to do a reading is a perfect compromise.

As others have said, your bridesmaids should be the people you trust to support you best in the run up to and during your wedding.

I have never heard of anyone in all the weddings I've been to having to have the sister of the groom as a BM. I know of 1 person who has done it, but that's because they're good friends.

Stick to your guns.

Hi,

I agree with you that you don't need to have extra bm's just because of your mil2b but I'm a bit confused as you said in your original post your partner thinks he does want them to be bm's now and then just said he supports you. Do you mean he is happy for them not to be involved as that is your preference but actually would like them to be?

Just curious really and trying to understand the situation fully.

Lx

Hey Louise - it will get better but my advice (as someone who has her wedding two months today) is remember whose wedding it is! Compromise when necessary but only on your (and H2B's) terms! If you try to keep everyone happy, YOU'LL end up unhappy and it will be a very long 712 days!

Am pulling my hair out about this situation.

my h2b's mother has not spoken to him now until thursday because he has not asked his sisters to be bridesmaids. he is now adament that he does not want them to be bridesmaids and he will not be bullied into it by his mum. i agree but i dont want him to fall out with his mother over this.

his sisters have no clue what is going on and i feel that it is unfair on his sisters if we gave in and asked his sisters to be bridesmaids at this point. i think that we should speak to his sisters and tell them about the whole thing. they are not children and i just want them to know that i havent chosen them to be my bridesmaids and that their mother has taken it badly.

does anyone else have any suggestions on how i could put this across to them.

i just feel that they should know so that we have them as bridesmaids as we want them not their mother, i also feel that mil2b is making our wedding more about his sisters being bridesmaids and is not to bothered that my h2b is the groom.

thank you for any suggestions you may have, helpful suggestions and no abuse please.

Louise you wont get any abuse from hitchers about this. You and h2b stand together and be resolute about it.

I would get oh to contact one of the sisters and say something along the lines of "whats up with mum? xxxxxx has sorted xxxxx as her only bridesmaid and mum is harassing her to have you and xxxxxx. Is this something you had discussed with mum or is she just being a drama queen over nothing?"

I know this is how i could speak to my sister/brother. I know that your oh may not have that type of relationship with them. I would def get him to mention it to one of them and say it in the manor that he is confused by his mothers behaviour regarding it.

I dont envy you, i'm having oh's neice as i felt sorry for her and also felt a certain amount of pressure as my best friends child is being a flower girl. They are similar in age and I felt guilty that xxx would be watching xxxxx in her dress etc and i was worried that she would feel it on the day. It has ended up being nothing but hassle as they are a nightmare to get dress fittings, she wanted to wear kitten heels (she is 9 years old) her mother wants her hair done by my hairdresser when i've said i want the children to look like children and just have their long hair down etc etc etc

Meant to say that one of the hitchers on this thread (cant remember who and cant see the post while replying) said that she would be offended not to be asked if she had a brother getting married.

Do you think your oh sisters are like that? I would be adamant that i was not having someone if i thought they expected it. It is rude to presume that you will be asked to do something and i think that your oh's sisters probably havent even thought about it. It certainly sounds like its all being driven by you mil2b

Why not try explaining to them that you actually only want 2 BMs but still would like to get to know them better and be involved and ask could they do a reading or something so they still feel like they goig to be involved with yours and h2bs special day.

Some people arent that comfortable actually being BMs so maybe they dont even want to be.your h2b and yourself needto sit down with his mum and calmly talk this through.sounds like she being a little childish over this whole thing

Hope you get it sorted!!!?

This is the thing, i dont even know if they would want to be bridesmaids. my h2b has not got the relationship where he could just pick up the phone for a chat with his sisters, if he sees them once a month then thats more than usual.

i have chosen my sister and my best friend as my bridesmaids, i know they will be great and will be there for me.

my h2b and i are absolutly fine, we are not letting the situation come between us.

Its so good you not letting this affect you both!!!Its horrid that his mum is being so silly im sure she'll get over it dont let it worry you too much xx

I would just ignore her then louise, if she brings it up, repeat that your bridesmaids are chosen and that is final.

if you both keep repeating the same thing without being rude, she will get the message eventually.

what does your fil2b say?

I cant believe this is still going on.... you dont get married for 712 days! how about you get to know his sisters and then make a decision.? why does it have to be such a drama now?

Just wanted to say that this sounds like an awful situation, families are difficult at the best of times and I really hope you can get it sorted but in the mean time have a hug ? I am really sorry that I cant offer any advice.

X

Fil2b does'nt really say much,

why does it have to be such a drama now?

mil2b has made it into a drama, we have never discussed our wedding with her as she has never been interested intil she found out who my bridesmaids were.

Tricky situation, but if I was you i'd stick to my guns. It's up to you and your h2b who is in your bridal party.

She can't sulk forever.

My H has two sisters and I don't think for a minute that they expected to be my bm's. I chose my bestfriend and my cousin.

ETA - I wouldn't say anything to your H's sisters, by the sounds of it they're not expecting to be BMs anyway - so why should you have to explain yourself?. This is your FMIL's drama, not yours.

thank you all for your advice x x