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Help please??

Lolita93, 21 September, 2013 at 11:49 Posted on Planning 0 14

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First off, I've just joined this site, and glad I did!
I'm getting married next August, and I've been a bit annoyed/stressed the last few days (explained below, feel free to skip my intro!). Having come here and looked at the 'inappropriate songs for receptions' bit, I feel a bit better

So here's my problem (sorry to moan on my first post) :

We decided to have no maid of honor (or 3, whichever way you wanna look at it). My sister had me as hers, his sister was the first in his family to accept me (and she's been through a lot as she is very ill), and my best friend has always treated me like her big sister - how can I choose?

Anyway, they all agreed I could pick their dresses. His sister wants to be different to the others, but having not chosen a maid of honor, she will look to be it if she is different from the others. The idea was to find 3 different dresses (in 3 different colours because that's what she's like) - but I think it will look too messy.

So I decided to have them all in the same dress - they are lovely strapless dresses with a cream top and royal blue bottom. PROBLEM. His sister HATES being in the same dress as anyone else (excuse me, but IMHO bridesmaids should wear the same thing, with MOH being different). BIGGER PROBLEM... Although they are all the same, one has false buttons on the top section, 2 have large bows, and the one with the buttons is slightly darker than the others (it's not my fault that my big sister is a larger size than the other 2, and that the company didn't stock that dress in her size. I got what I could...)

Now, his sister will moan that she wants the different one -or, as he thinks, refuse to wear it entirely. Is it too much to ask that she puts the dress on for the ceremony and a few photos?? I couldn't care less what she wears to the reception - my sisters will most likely get changed anyway!

Also, I should mention, I've bought them some lovely gifts for being there for me throughout everything, and we agreed they could pick their accessories (other than the necklaces I got them) and their shoes, which can be different from each others'.

Please can someone tell me how I can put it to her kindly but bluntly, that she should wear the dress for the ceremony as it's our wedding not hers!?

Thanks in advance!

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14 replies

Latest activity by InkedDoll, 7 October, 2014 at 14:19

Beginner January 2011
OB · 21 September, 2013 at 14:03
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I'd tell her if she's that desperate to be in a dress different to everyone else she's more than welcome to, as a guest!

If she was uncomfortable in the dress then my answer would be different, but if her only issue is she doesn't want to match the other bridesmaids, I'd tell her to stop being so selfish or sling her hook!
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Beginner July 2014
missk1989 · 21 September, 2013 at 14:13
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I agree with pp. I would just say that all the bridesmaids are wearing the same dress(ish) but you understand if she decides not be a bm due to the dress situation. This may well make her realise how stupid her issues with it are aswel.
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Beginner August 2014
RLB · 21 September, 2013 at 14:33
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If the reason for the one dress being different is because of the size for your sister, then maybe mention this to the other bridesmaids to stop them complaining. Would it be possible to take the bow off one of the dresses? If it is easy to do that then you would end up with 3 similar but slightly different dresses.

If she kicks up a fuss still, then politely tell her this is what you have chosen, and if she can find a dress that matches well enough and that you are happy with as the bride, she is more than welcome to pay for it and find it herself - but make sure you have the final say.
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Beginner May 2014
Ohwhatatuesday · 21 September, 2013 at 15:20
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This!
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Beginner March 2014
*Pugsley* · 21 September, 2013 at 15:47
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WSS!

Why does she want a different dress? The day isn't all about her and her standing out or looking better than others.
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Beginner June 2014
*MM3* · 21 September, 2013 at 15:51
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Yep agree with this here too. She sounds like she just wants to stand out and have more attention than the other 2.
Oh & hello & welcome to hitched
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Beginner March 2014
Pinkboo · 21 September, 2013 at 16:54
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This is why I'm just having kids as my BM, too much drama otherwise lmao!

What does you OH have to say about it? Personally, I'd ask him to have a quiet word with her about it. As above, mention that there's a slight difference in dresses due to manufacturer size issues. It's sad that she's ill but it's your day and ultimately your decision. Like it or lump it.

If you do want to be a little more diplomatic then maybe take her out alone for an afternoon shopping or lunch, make a bit of a fuss of her and be honest about your worries. Explain how important it is for all of you to be part of your day and that you hope that she can comply with your wishes!
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Beginner July 2013
Kentish Gal · 21 September, 2013 at 17:37
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This is what I would do:

Joint email: "The dresses are sorted, ladies, things haven't turned out quite as planned unfortunately, but I think you're all going to look wonderful. Hope no one hates theirs enough to prompt them to resign as bridesmaid, ha ha! Hoping we can get together for a try-on next week/month/year. I'm very excited and will be in touch xx"
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Beginner September 2014
cantwait2bmrsj · 21 September, 2013 at 17:47
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ooh this is a good idea I think I would do this too.
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Beginner August 2014
pink & glitz · 21 September, 2013 at 19:18
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Personally I would tell her to come as a guest as your bridesmaids should wear what you want them to, it's your special day and she should realise this. I am having one maid of honour, considered 2 but they are totally different and it would have been a nightmare to get them to agree on dresses, wearing makeup etc.... There isn't an easy way to tell her though so I would politely say to her that she has to wear the dress or be a guest xx
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Beginner
Lolita93 · 23 September, 2013 at 14:12
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Sorry, it took me ages to get back on here! Had some issues with my internet >.<

Thanks for all your advice guys - I'm talking with her a lot more (she lives in London and I'm in Brighton - she has a baby and I work most the time, so we can't hang out much)

I'm hoping that the extra bits the girls will get might help sort things out -I'll be changing some of the gifts I'm getting so that they're more individual and hopefully that will ease things a bit, and as I already told the girls, they can all choose their own shoes to match the dress (they don't have to match each other) and they can all choose their hairstyles, makeup and clutch bags

On a positive note, my older sister tried on her dress and fell in love with it - so much so that she offered me her wedding shoes in exchange! I'm still considering the shoes - they don't really match the style of the day, but they are really comfy (and won't give me blisters on the day since they have been worn in already lol)
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Beginner June 2014
*MM3* · 23 September, 2013 at 14:16
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Glad you're getting things sorted that's good!
Bonus with the shoes as well Sure they'll enjoy choosing their own accessories etc now as well and you can enjoy the planning together
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Beginner September 2015
LoweToBe · 7 October, 2014 at 13:18
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Definitely just tell it as it is! this is your big day not hers! its so silly that shes making a big deal out of it! surely she should be grateful to be a bridesmaid in the first place xx
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