Help!family drama.

Have your uncle give you away, but invite your dad and stepmum, considering the reconciliation was recent, I'd be surprised if your dad expects to give you away himself. In terms of them fighting, just tell both sides if they love you/want to be a part of your life, they'll learn to be civil and present in the same room for one day. Tell them they can even sit on opposite sides of the room if they wish, and they don't have to speak to each other, just to be there for you.

Simple reply no. 1: "you made your choice when I was 16, so I'm making mine now"

Simple reply no. 2: "if my brother hadn't died, we wouldn't be speaking, so I'm not changing things now".

Reasonable reply: "I'd like you to come to my wedding, since you want to have a relationship with me, but my uncle, who picked up the pieces when no one else would, is giving me away. I hope you understand."

Xx C

First off sorry to hear about your brother and what must have been a very hard few years for you.

I think you should speak to your dad and say that while you're pleased you're back in touch, you want your uncle to give you away because of all of the help he's given you in the last 10 years. I would say something like whilst you appreciate that they don't get on, you're hoping they can put aside any differences on the day out of respect to you and as they say life is too short to have big occassions such as this ruined by old tensions. Is there any chance they may reconcile?

If you want your dad to be involved in the 'father of the bride' capacity you could ask him to do a toast or something?

Ultimately you need to remind them that the important thing is that you and your OH are getting married and you want the people you love to be there and it shouldn't matter if those people don't get along, as long as they're civil.

Hope it gets sorted for you xxx

What a difficult situation. You have ccertainly been through alot!

Although we are only hearing 1 side to this whole story, the fact that your father rejected you & essentially made you an orphanis terrible. Letting him & his wife be part of your life now must be very hard.

I'd have your uncle walk you down the aisle & let you real dad know this beforehand. Invite your real dad & his wife if you want. I'm sure they are well aware of who else will be at the wedding. If they cannot be adult enough for 1 night, for your sake, then thats their fault. I'd sit them all on seperate tables if thats an issue, but make all parties aware of who else will be there.

Could you have a dinner out somewhere a few months before the wedding with your dad, his wife & the uncles that dont get on? This could go 2 ways, but better them make a scene at the dinner, rather than your wedding.

Your dad threw you out and picked his wife over you... His brother and wife took you in and cared for you as their own.

im sorry your dad needs to get over whatever it is that causes him to hate his brother and be grateful for the fact that his brother was there you when he failed you.

i think it's great you, your father and step mother have now got together and are able to put the past behind you, however it wouldn't be fair to now sideline your uncle and they shouldn't expect this. I'm sure your uncle is very proud of you and having been there for the last 10years it's only fair in my eyes for your father to step back and let your uncle do the honours.

in all honesty would you all be in contact if your brother hadn't sadly passed away.

your father made his choice all those years ago, have him as a guest. But I'd stick to original plans and have my uncle give me away.

I just dnt know what to do.i dont want to upset my dad and i dnt want him to think i asked my uncle to hurt him and i dnt want to fall out again as i do want us to have a relationship but my uncle will be giving me away and there is no way im changing my mind on that. i just want it to be simple and want them to share in my day i even thought bot saying if it was too much for them to attend the day give them the option of just comming to the church then the evening reception if they felt that was better for them??

Thankyou all for the replies i can honestly say that we would not be talking if my brother had not of passed. and there is no way my uncle and dad will ever get along they are currently in a court battle over a will. xx

Sorry to hear about your brother. I would ask your uncle to give you away, invite your dad and Step-Mum and do not worry about hurting their feelings obviously this is natural although at times like those you know who is there for you and in this case it was your uncle and your dad and step mum need to realise that, please do not let this get you down.

Def stick to having your uncle. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother, and unfortunately a tragedy normally brings those who haven't spoken for years together again..however if there wasn't the death of your brother then I'm sure nothing would have changed from the way you have said ....I too have the same sort of issue as yourself...and I have learnt from personal point here..the only reason my dad is wanting to suddenly be part of my life again is because of a way in making himself feel better to ease the guilt of what he was like before... I'm not saying your dad is the same but I understand your issue.

Remember as cheesy as this...

anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad xxxx

I think you're right to stick with your uncle giving you away. I can understand you don't want to hurt your Dad and risk have him push you away again but to be blunt he didn't worry too much about how much he hurt you when you were only 16! I think you need to speak to your Dad (preferably without stepmum) and explain that you're not doing it to hurt him and that you do want him there but understand it could be uncomfortable for him. Give him the option of just attending part of the day, maybe even only coming to the church (where there'll also be no alcohol to add fuel to the fire!!). If he truly wants to reconcile with you then he will see that this is the consequence of his choice years ago and just play nicely for the day.

I think you also need to explain to your uncle and any other family who will be there and don't get on with your Dad that you will not tolerate any bad behaviour on the day and anyone causing trouble will be asked to leave. They're all adults and should be able to contain themselves for a day.