Help!-The Grooms best friend wants us to get married on certain dates

Hi there and welcome to Hitched!

Just my 10p worth as I don't usually get involved in threads like this - this did happen to me when I got married 8 years ago and we set the date that WE wanted. Its your day, it's (probably) your money and as has been discussed elsewhere, prices for suppliers can vary tremendously with the seasons.

In our case, the people in question came anyway. They found people to look after their kids as they didn't want to miss out. You'll find that there's enough people trying to sway your decision on lots of things (venue, colours etc!) and you don't need a major one like this.

Have the wedding YOU want WHEN you want it that's what I say!

cheers!

Tony

I think that it's YOUR wedding, so you should have it when you want to have it regardless of what your friend says! It's actually really cheeky of him telling you when he thinks you should have your wedding!

Hi there, I think you should get married when you both want to...don't be held to ransom, if your h2b's friend is a true firend they will come to your wedding whatever the date and will im sure understand the reason you don't want to get married in the summer months...afterall its your wedding...do what you want to do.

Hope this helps xx

If he's that good a friend, he'd put himself out and make the effort to come to your wedding whenever YOU choose to have it.

I actually think thats a bit of a cheek, no one should dictate what date you should get married

x

I can sympathise with your h2b's friend, as it must be really difficult living abroad with kids, and wanting to attend your best mate's wedding, even more difficult if it means taking the kids out of school to come to your wedding.

however expecting/asking/wanting you to get married during the summer hols as it is much more convenient for *them* is a bit cheeky. i think you just need to explain to them why you can't have it during the height of summer (i.e. LOADS more expensive) and hope that they can still make it. you should probably expect them to decline your invite though, or maybe just for your h2b's best friend to come.

Hmm that's what we thought too, hence why we are feeling like we are being held to ransom.

The thing is we were thinking of June and that also isn't good for h2b's best friend as he can't get time off work (no saturday's left at our prefered venue, not to mention the cost!)

Also, they don't want anyone else to look after their kids and we had asked for one of them to be the flower girl!

We have asked for other possible dates, such as half term, but are still awaiting a reply.

The other thing is that while it is our wedding and we shouldn't be dictated to by them, is it really what we want if they end up not coming?

??

Hi,

we have something similar with our wedding.

I own two companies and wanted my work colleges there at my wedding.

Luckily both run term time only, however we were not prepared to pay silly amounts of money for a wedding in the summer holidays, our conclusion is that we are getting married in the May half term, and even better on a wednesday!! The prices for a week day wedding are much cheaper. You wouldnt believe what discounts you get from all sorts of suppliers for getting married on a week day. Also if you work in cash you can get even better deals.

I am glad we made this choice, because we wouldnt of been able to afford the wedding we are going to have if we descided on a saturday wedding.

Both myself and my partner have said that we understand that some people wont be able to come, however we have descided that the people who truly want to see us married will be there whatever day it is!

I do agree with Tony, it is your wedding, you do what you feel is right for you, anyone who cares will attend whatever and whenever the day is.

Helen

This is a good friend?

I can't believe you are even questioning what to do.

Set the date. Send out the Save the dates (if that's what you are going to do). If they can't make it then that's not your problem.

I understand you want them there but you are paying for this, not them. Are they going to pay the £1000's difference that it costs to have a wedding in those months?

And HIM asking YOU if his little one can be flower girl? Is he having a laugh?

Hmm, I thought of the may half term too, but when i suggested it to my h2b, he said he didn't want to because his dad died a couple of years ago and his Dad's birthday was 27th May. I said that i thought it would be a lovely way to remember him to get married on what would have been his Dad's birthday, but he doesn't agree because he wouldn't be able to enjoy the day.

Maybe we are too thoughtful of other people, we do both work for a charity!

Actually we asked if she could be a flower girl before we started the 'date' discussion with them

Sorry Turnham2b, i thought your original post said that he asked for his little one to be flower girl.

Please pick the date you want. Get out the calendar, sit down with your H2B and choose which date the both of you would like to get married on and celebrate on every year! Put everyone else to the back of your mind because they won't be celebrating this day in the future. You will!!

If you don't you might regret it.

That's ok, thank you.

We agree with you in theory and when we first started the midweek wedding discussion before we spoke to them we both said that if people cared about us they would come whatever, but in practice it is proving much more difficult! Good to hear everyone else thinks the same thing as us and we aren't going mad though!!

You must think a lot of these friends to be debating when to get married to suit them and enable them to come but at the end of the day if they were TRUE friends they woldn't be asking you to do this in the first place, they wouldn't expect you to pay ££££'s more just to have your wedding on a day that suits them.

If you give them enough notice they should be able to make provisions for the whole family to come over for YOUR day, they had their wedding day and I bet that no-one asked them to make any changes so that they could go!

They can book holiday time off work, they can bring the kids out of school for 1 long weekend or something, it's really not that big of a deal!.

I'm sorry but they obviously don't value your friendship as much as your and your OH value theirs.

You and your OH pick a date that suits you, if people can't go then that's their tough luck not yours.

After my (ongoing) experience of fitting my wedding around my so called best mate bridesmaid (who also lives abroad) - do what you want to do, and you choose the date you want.

At least I am now only paying for 3 dresses instead of 4 lol

How far are they going to have to travel? If your wedding is in the holidays then I would imagine cost of flghts will be a lot more than during term time.

What about getting married over a public holiday weekend (a holiday in the country your H2B's friend is from)? We got married in Scotland over an English bank holiday and those that had to travel up for it made a weekend of it because they had the Monday off too.

I would pick a date that suits you as you can't please everyone (what about all your friends here with kids- they might be away on holiday for your wedding).

I have been beginning to think that too!!!

They live in Switzerland, we have asked them about their bank holidays, but we haven't heard back fromt them yet. We have been talking to H2b's mum over Sunday lunch and she said what would you do if you changed the date and then for some reason they couldn't come. Which we thought was a very good point! You are totally right though, we can't please every one!

What made you stop trying to fit it around her?

Well done for looking at the positives though, it would be one less dress!

It's a long story, but we ended up choosing the date so she could make it... now she's not coming for various reasons but mainly all down to her selfishness

if i knew what i do now, i would have gone for our other date in the running, as it was more suitable for other people. Still, everyone can make it that i want there.

Choose the date you want, it's your day

You and your OH want to marry each other, not your friends, please give this some serious thought, you will have enough stress throughout the whole planning of the wedding to worry about 1 or 2 people not being able to make it.

Choose a date and enjoy yourself making it YOUR day, that is the whole point of getting married, not to please others ?

I'll come to your wedding! I only live in Belfast and will travel at any time of the year ? ?

? thanks, we are going to see the venue we like tomorrow with our families so hopefully we will book it while we are there...for June!!!

I guess if someone is selfish enough to tell you when to get married they are also selfish enough to then not be able to make the date whenever you choose it, even if it is around them in the first place!!

Thanks and sorry your friend was so selfish ?

How did it go?, did you like the venue?

Yes it went really well thank you, the even better part was both our families really liked it too. No booking yet, but we are viewing churches and meeting vicars Saturday, so really hoping to book it all very soon!!!

Make a list of their available dates so it will be easier to book them all at the same time, it saves phone calls trying to change everything ?

Thanks, that is really good advice. The venue we like are really helpful and have given us a printed out list of dates, so at least we only need to write them down from the churches!!

Hi

I understand how difficult a situation this is because you are right about the cost of almost everything during the school hols. Unless your H2B's friend has moved a really long way off could they not take their children out of school for a couple of days or ask friends to look after them. This is YOUR day and they are being selfish in wanting you to change your plans because they chose to move abroad.

Presumably he thought about all the potential things he could miss out when he made the decision to move abroad?

You need to pick a date that suits you as a couple, if it happens to be a summer wedding so much the better for your H2B's friend, but don't let him dictate to you.

That ws really nice of them ?, have you decided when you are going to check out the church?, once you get the big things out of the way you can start enjoying the planning of the whole day ?

Mimilamew and littlebubs - Exactly!!!! Grr so annoying!

We have tried calling them, but can't get hold of them, so sent them a text asking when we can call them. They said that they are away so we can call Monday after 7pm. OMG they are even telling us when to call them, they didn't even offer to call us on monday when they are free!!

We saw two of the churches last week and are seeing the third and last option this Saturday. Also we looked a very diffferent and much cheaper reception venue last weekend, so now we are really confused!!

Can't wait to get a date booked so we can start enjoying it (please tell me it gets more enjoyable after this!), but we seem to be getting further away from a decison!!