Hen do Issues

Why not get your sister to plan a hen do that your friends can afford?

I actually think £40 a month is a lot of money to put away every month if money is tight.

Being rude to your sister isn't really on but maybe they feel they're being forced into something they can't afford?

Absolutley this!!

I started off with very grand plans for my hen, going abroad or doing the cottage thing like you but unless you want people not to come you have to make it so that people can afford it.

I am the kind of person who definatley with enough notice would save up if necesary but I can't save £40 a month for a hen do even if its my best friend. Imagine if they have a few weddings in the same year?! Are they supposed to save £40 a month for every hen do? Then what about the costs of attending a wedding?

I think £200 for 2 nights accommodation & everything included is good. I'm going on a similar hen do next month & it was £170. I also think giving everyone a year to save is plenty of notice. This is what I did but my best friend still gave me a flat no which devastated me.

In what way were your friends rude to your Sister?

£10 a week is a lot of money, that's forty quid a month. I know I don't have a spare forty quid a month to save, and if I did we have our own wedding to save for/ the house needs new central heating and bathroom. You get the point. I'm going on a friend's hen do in march, its 2 nights away, the room is 45 quid a night, but there's 3 of us sharing it. That's more like it.

It might not sound like much but £10 a week is a lot to some people and you have to understand that, even with a years notice, some of your friends may not be able to afford this.

I know your sisters want to do something really special for you but surely the most important thing is that all of your friends are there? Could you maybe do something with your sisters and the ones who can afford it and then have a night out more locally/something that doesn't require accommodation with everyone?

The one who was rude to your sister and "makes me not want to invite her and her husband who I've never met to the wedding at all" - well then don't invite her to anything!

I'll have six hen dos to go to next year...does this mean I have to save £240?? B*gger!

I'm not saying it's fair that your friends have been rude to your sister, that's out of order but if people can't afford something, they can't afford it.

Exactly WES!

£200 is a lot of money to save. Saying that, I organised my SIL's hen do a few years ago and the budget was £200. I gave the attendees options though, to do as many or as little of the activities as they could afford

I'm sorry to say I actually think that £200 is a lot of money.

I spent this on one of my best friends hen weekend which was 3 days in Spain but she is one of my best friends and now one of my bridesmaids. I'd feel a little bit put put spending this on someone I am not quite as close to's hen weekend. When you think about the cost of going to a wedding it is not cheap: Hen weekend, outfit, present, drinks at the bar, transport/hotel room. Therefore I can see why people would want to keep costs down as much as possible.

As for the rudeness, there is no need for it but this is a seperate issue. Depending on what was said I'd think about having a word with the people in question about their manner and again, depending on what was said exactly I would probably re-consider the friendship.

Thanks for your comments, esp Mrs H. I appreciate your honesty. I do understand that £200 is a lot for someone you don't feel close to. For some of those who have declined, I've thought long & hard and I don't thing I'd spend it on them either!I was going to rally round the others and see who wants to come along to the smaller night out, but now i think i wont bother. if they dont want to come to the main Hen Do, i'm not going to beg. If they thought enough of me & wanted to sort something else, they would have thought of that themselves. I have, however,decided to not say anything to the ones who politely declined - that is their choice & I respect it. The issue for me now is the rudeness. For the ones who have been rude, I think I will state that I am unhappy about the tone of the emails to my sister. My loyalty lies with her & she will be around in my life for a lot longer than them. To not say anything is akin to accepting that their behaviour is alright.How should I broach the subject with them?

I think you should be careful in speaking to the ones that have been rude. If it's all been done via email then I think we can all recall a time where something we've written in an email/text has been taken the wrong way. I'm not saying that if they were rude then that's acceptable, clearly it's not, but it could just been that somethings been taken in the wrong way.

I think perhaps you should calm down a bit before speaking to them, as it appears from what you're writing that you're still a bit upset/annoyed that some people can't make your hen do. It's amazing what a couple of days cooling off can do.

I think that's a bit unfair - they probably don't see it as their place to organise something else.

I agree with Jules and would leave it a few days before saying anything. Or, if you wanted to you could let us know how she/they were rude? It's sometimes good to get the opinions from those not emotionally involved.

I agree with kharv

I agree £200 is a lot of money to spare even with notice, just think they might need a new outfit for the evening, one for the wedding too, money for drinks and travel on top too. i myself am facing a £300+ hen weekend two weeks before my own, wondering if i can even manage that and although the MOH organising it has put thought in about those who cant afford to do everything by letting us select the bits we want to do, i feel this is also not the greatest option either and wouldnt have it for my own hen do. I wont be able to do everything and i know most others wont too and we will be left in to our own devices when we cant take part, 180 miles from home which is overall split the group and make it less enjoyable! Im sure the bride will have a great weekend though.

When talking with my MOH about hen do's, the first thing i asked was that she asked everyone what they felt they could afford, asked for their ideas and although my MOH has been the one to book and pay deposits on a package deal (still dont know what we are doing lol) she got everyone in a big facebook chat conversation to share ideas and called those who arent facebookers. I wanted as many people on my 'wish list' to come as possible to have a girlie blast and good time.

the rudeness is another issue and is unacceptable but I wouldnt run into it with all guns a blazing. things can come across as they were not meant in an email and its always better to talk to someone on the phone or face to face so no wires are crossed. There is no excuse to be rude, but also perhaps your organisers should have gone about it a different way too, to make your guests to feel less backed into a corner. £200 is clearly too expensive for your friends and the only thing to do now is go ahead with just the guests that can afford or organise something that is suitable for everyone to attend.

If asked I could put £10 away a week but you can gaurentee at some point in the year the washing machine will need replacing or the car will break down! lol my luck is hard like that

Hen Nights are a NIGHTMARE!

I've arranged my own, devised a payment plan and all inclusive of everything price - then forwarded it to those who I wanted to invite. Suprizingly, it was my good friend/best friend that let me down and said she couldnt afford it. I was gutted but equally, what can you do? If they say they cant afford it, they can't.

Having been on the opposite side, sometimes I have felt a bit "encouraged"/"forced" into a hen night that isn't my cup of tea so although you may feel it's rudeness perhaps they had to be a bit blunt to get their decline accepted if that makes sense?

Just throwing it out there!

Alipops x

I would never spend £200 on someone else's hen night unless I had money to throw away. It doesn't matter how much notice I had, I've got more important things to spend £200 on. If you wanted everyone to go you should have asked them how much they could afford before they planned it. I'm making it clear to everyone who doesn't live in my city that I don't expect them to come because I think just travelling in the UK is asking a lot when they have to come again a couple of weeks later for the wedding.