Hen extravaganzas!!!

FWIW I cancelled mine because I don't want people forking out. My LO will be 10months old and isn't a great sleeper so don't feel I can leave her, OH works away from home and i don't want him taking time off just for me to go and spend money we haven't got on getting pissed.

If people have the money and inclination to spend money on all that AND gifts, hotels and god knows what else at the wedding it's fabulous. I just couldn't ask people to do it for me. I find the spotlight hard enough as it is.

one night when H2B is home I might see if any one is around for a quiet vino in the pub but it will be off the cuff and cheap. No plastic willies in sight.

I think now I've had a baby I feel less hen and more ropey chicken anyway

I agree. I only want a night out with good friends, bit of wine, food, dancing and then home.

i don't want a weekend in Marbella, plastic willies , strippers or to be dressed up as the cast of bay watch!

i don't know when hen do's got so big and OTT

Slutty dress makes me cringe. It would put me off going.

I don't know how much mine is costing yet but I do know that my MOH emailed everyone to see what their budget was and then will plan something from there. It's very presumptuous to plan an expensive hen do and then expect everyone to come. Oh and if I was getting married abroad I would just have drinks there the night before or once all of the guests have arrived.

x

I'm glad it's not just me who thinks it's all a bit ott! I thought traditionally hen and stag do's were the night before the wedding and the last night of freedom kind of thing?
The theme for this particular do is Moulin Rouge but to be honest none of us exactly look like models and I feel we will be embarrassing ourselves!
I plan to have a dinner and drinks on the Friday night and then a sleepover and takeaway with my hens on the Saturday. I'd like to do some spa treatments one day if possible but not if its too expensive!

We're having a Stag'Hen the week before the wedding - we've booked a flat in Edinburgh during the Festival and have told friends to drop in and out as they like. We then leave on the Saturday and get married on the Sunday. I thought having it immediately before would save people 2 trips. All we have asked is that maybe friends help with pay for food and tickets as we've rented the flat. Even then, we'll probably wind up just doing the free shows!

I'm afraid I did have a bit of an extravaganza but I did so so people could dip in and out of things they would enjoy. Very few people came for all of the activities and it was perfect that way as there was always fresh energy - I was already flagging by Saturday morning!

I think its horses for courses, if you have the hen night you want, then its fine, but you need to understand not everyone has endless budgets.

I love a weekend away with the girls, and so my hen is just that but its graduated so that people can join at certain points and do some but not all of the weekend. Its in a hotel, but i chose a location closer to a large part of OH's family, so they can drop in/out without having to stay over a the hotel. Ultimately, we have tried to plan to cater for all budgets, and tastes.

I think its horses for courses, if you have the hen night you want, then its fine, but you need to understand not everyone has endless budgets.

I love a weekend away with the girls, and so my hen is just that but its graduated so that people can join at certain points and do some but not all of the weekend. Its in a hotel, but i chose a location closer to a large part of OH's family, so they can drop in/out without having to stay over a the hotel. Ultimately, we have tried to plan to cater for all budgets, and tastes.

I'm something of a hypocrite, in that I said I'd never do anything abroad or extravagant, but all things being equal it looks like we're going to Spain for a week.

BUT it's an almost freebie thanks to one of my BMs' father owning the villa, and we all 4 of us could do with a holiday! So it's more like the girls' week away that we've been talking about for years but have never got round to.

I'm doing a more traditional, grown up hen night in the UK - seeing Sister Act in Bristol, followed by dinner out, with my 3 BMs, my mother and FMIL. No dress code, no (real) debauchery, just a girly treat.

This is a sensitive subject in my friendship circle too.

We had a text from 2 BM's of a friend of mine asking for £110 by the end of the month to pay for 2 nights in Liverpool next march!. No other explanation at all of what we are going to be doing. We were all slightly narked - esp as we haven't even had a wedding invite yet.

We mentioned it to the friend that maybe a bit more info wouldn't go a miss and it's turned into a full blown issue.

Her wedding is a month later in the arse end of nowhere halfway up the country too so not exactly cheap!

I am with you 100% on this! Well said!

I am the only one of my friends not to go away for my hen do. It is going to be one afternoon/evening. I cannot abide hen dos where you have to go away. No-one has the money for it, and people resent usuing their precious annual leave for it. It's not fair. Everyone has other commitments on their time and money and shouldn't be pressured into going away and enforced "fun" for three days or more with endless activities to participate in.

Why should people have to fork out all that cash because you want to get married? It's beyond me. One day is suficient, and more than indulgent. And people will be mroe likely to come along for it. I couldn't agree with you more. x

Funnily enough mine is this weekend and I didn't want people to spend a fortune, I'm doing a 1 night staying over in the nearest city which is about 30 mins from where I live.

We're doing a cocktail party and it's costing just over £50 for that, a buffet and the hotel for the night. Obviously this doesn't include any drinks on the night but I tried to make it as cheap as possible by booking rooms early.

People do get carried away and should stop and think about the fact people don't have a lot of money and it's a huge pressure to put on others if you decide to have a weekend away, especially abroad which can cost hundreds.

Like someone else said, different strokes for different folks!

Personally I am having 3 hen do's - 1 abroad & 2 in the UK - not because I am greedy but because I am trying to make every one happy - people are not obliged to come to all or any if they so wish. I have been trying to be inclusive of everyone but some people don't want to go to a spa & some are not up for going out more than 5 minutes from where they live (I live in a small town with not a lot of choice so was hoping to go to the next town 16 miles away) so it is difficult trying to cater for everyone.

I am going to Ibiza with 3 friends for my abroad hen. I did feel very guilty expecting people to pay for this & blessed that my friends would do this for me. I wouldn't have expected everyone to come to this & it was arranged by just a few select people with whom I have always talked about going on holiday with anyway - so it is a perfect excuse!

I'm not having a hen-do (mainly because of the fact I have no female friends to have one with!); sometimes I see pictures/reports on here of hen do's that look like fun and get a bit sad about missing out on that, but I know I'd definitely not have one involving going abroad/fancy dress themes/'props' anyway! I never know what to say to people (hairdressers, the jeweller we got the rings from etc) who ask what I'm doing for your hen do though

We're having a family-only wedding which involves a week-long stay in a big house we've hired, so I'm hoping that on one of the days before the wedding all the female family members can go to a tea room in the village (which just happens to be called *myname* Tea Rooms!) for afternoon tea, and I will call that my 'hen party'.

My OH on the other hand is going to Germany for 4 days for his stag ? His friends from work have organised it and, as they're not coming to the wedding, I can't really complain. Fortunately my dress is due to come into the shop the same week that he is going on that, so I'm hoping I'll have enough excitement to take my mind off what he'll be getting up to.

I am afraid I have to disagree with the majority of posters on this thread. I planned my hen do a year ago, and had a great response. I did not want a night clubbing, or a spa day, so I planned 2 nights away (somewhere only 30mins from most of us) with all food included for the weekend for a similar price, or which they all paid over an entire year. The only time a hen or stag do has really annoyed me, is when it is such short notice for money.

That sounds just perfect to me!!! I wish you all the best, with some Darjeeling and creamy scones.

I'm not one for clubbing and wild hen parties. Never was, not even before I hit 30 !

I really wanted to do a spa weekend and night out, I'm a stay at home mum to a 2 year old, I don't get out much! I found a deal I london (where I live) people were all up for it then they stopped responding to messages so I've changed the night to a dinner in soho in a particularly lively restaurant open through the night with the option of staying there or heading to an 80's club. No penisis, no ott dressing up, just glammed up (although I will be wearing a veil) still not had much uptake but if I go any cheaper it'll be in nandos and like I say I haven't been out much!

......: actually never been invited to a hen to compare tho!

I feel really deflated having read this thread.

Whilst I don't quite agree people should be made to dress up/feel uncomfortable/fork out loadsa money, I do kind of think that with hen do's you sometimes have to just suck it up, go along with it and have fun!

I did 7 hen do's last year, yes it cost me an arm and a leg, yes i did things I wouldn't normally choose to do and yes a few plastic willies were involved. But if you can't let go and have fun with your friends before you marry and settle then when can you? Every hen do I've been on has been thouroughly planned and well discussed to include everyone and cater for all budgets. I'd be mortified to think my friends were groaning behind my back about my forthcoming hen do and I'd be gutted if me and my friends were just going out for a meal (only because we often do that anyway so the hen do wouldn't be that unique).

I certainly know I don't get the chance to go away on girly weekends with my friends anymore. We work shifts, have kids and live opposite ends of the country. So hen do's for me and my friends are something to look forward to and have FUN!!!!

I am having a 'sten' night with my OH as we both have the same friends in Austria so it just makes sense to us. Regarding Hen nights I have had to decline invitations due to cost so if I were to have one it would just be a meal and evening out on the town.

If my friends and I had more funds then I would love to do a few days away somewhere but with the financial situation most of us are in its just not feasible atm.

I'm going to Spain for a week, I didn't plan it my friends did. If people don't want to or can't come then there's not obligated to come. I'm having a night out in town too for those who can't make it and a quiet meal for my mum and mum in law to be so their not left out or anyone else if they have small children and don't want a night in town. 14 of us in all are going to Spain including my two daughters.

I wish my friends felt like you mines been a total chore and mare to plan!

I'm torn on this one, I mostly love hen dos and have never been to one where I have begrudged the money as I tend to treat it as a nice weekend away catching up with friends/family who I barely see.

I also don't think you need to spend loads of money on hen dos, one of the best I've been on was a weekend in the Lakes. We didn't need to hire a cottage as the bride's parents had a holiday home there (granted, not everyone has this privilege but you can get some very good deals on holiday cottages if you split it between lots of you), the only money we spent was on food and drink. We had a rota of 'teams' who would do the cooking and bought in bottles of wine etc. During the daytimes we went on 2 really lovely long walks across the hills and just chatted/caught up/talked about the wedding.

One last thing, I have never felt forced to go, there is always the option to decline if you can't afford it.

All I've done really is organise lifts to the airport. They've all been lovely.

Haha. Same for me. I don't begrudge any other hens having their day, but the whole weekend one's can be a little OTT. I was adamant I didn't want a do & i certainly don't feel like I've missed out by not having one. I'd be mortified by plastic willies!

beccak, are you from Clynderwen?! I love that tea room!

Ddpunk, I totally agree about plastic willies, they and strippers are banned from my UK hen night not because we're taking both mums but because I'd be too mortified to enjoy the evening!

Have you seen the willy straws?! OMG, I nearly died when I saw those!!

Oh I *hate* those, I cringe just looking at the pictures! I'm such a prude! ?

Nope, it's not in Wales! I don't live anywhere near our venue, so have never been but I hope it's as good as 'your' one! Just Googled it actually though and found it's currently up for sale on Rightmove - it better be open by September and keep the same name, hmpfh!