High Emotions...

First of all, I am so so sorry for your, and your future husband's, loss. What a terribly sad situation. You sound like a lovely, caring DIL and fiancee.

I agree that you don't want to go overboard - I personally don't like the empty place settings and lots of photographs options. I think the ideas you have are lovely.

Did she have a favourite song that you could play during the meal maybe? Or I know a few places that do little buttonhole photoframes - your OH could wear a little photo of her inside his jacket?

xxx

I don't have any ideas for you, but just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation. It's so sad. You sound like an amazing daughter in law and a huge support to your H2B and family. That's so amazing and brave of you. xxx

Sorry for your family's loss, the fact she has been part of the planning will have meant a lot to her and the ideas you have so far are lovely. You could have a bouquet locket with a photo of her in, or a favourite saying of hers, you can get some lovely ones some are on blue ribbon so they are your something blue and i suppose if you put a saying or piece of advice from her in they it could be your borrowed too.

Could you maybe have a small photograph charm attached to your bouquet with her in it?

Alternatively ive seen a few people have a small photo table with people that couldnt make it, grandparents etc.

Or use her favourite colour or flowers?

I am so sorry for your (and your H2B) loss.

Did she get a chance to write a note to him?

I like your ideas I think they're enough and close for you and H2B to know but not too in your face. By the sounds of it she would have wanted you to be happy and enjoying your day not feeling too sad (although it can't be helped)

We have thought about lighting a candle in the church for anyone we have lost.

Lot's of bg hugs xxxx

Thanks everyone. I think we will keep it quite simple. We found she had a lot of freshwater pearl jewellery, and pearls will be a theme throughout mine and my bridemaids outfits, so I am going to ask my FSIL if I can borrow a brooch to attach to my bouquet

She didnt get a chance to write the note, but she did write all 3 of them a personal letter each, and in my OH she talked about the wedding and how excited she would have been on the day

xx

So sorry to hear about your FMIL, she sounds like a lovely person. Some brilliant suggestions here already, I was going to suggest her favourite song or songs played during the day, and maybe a good, upbeat one in the evening that you know she would love. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be fitting.

Got goosebumps even thinking about it, must have been nice to receive a letter.

I think pearls is a fab idea, you could have pearls wrapped round the stem of your flowers in your boquet

I'm sorry for your loss. TBH, I think you've done enough; you and your H want to remember her which is lovely, but I wouldn't overdo it. What you have already sounds just fine. Thing is, if you do the photo and empty place setting thing, people will ask why, you tell them, then they feel embarrased. I wouldn't want to be embarrasing any of by guests on the day. x

I understand what you're saying. I wouldnt do an empty place setting, I just want some subtle nods to her. Everyone on the day knows the situation anyway, but it would be nice to have a few things that me and my OH know the meaning of.

Do we think I should just leave it at the roses, favours and pearls then? I think its all still quite raw at the moment so we want to put loads of things into the wedding that remind us of her, but I dont want it to be over the top. She would have hated that anyway and I can hear her saying "This is about you two, not me!"

Did she have a favourite tipple?

Haha yes she loved red wine - Valpolicella in particular!

"This is about you two, not me!"

If that's what she would think, then stick with what you've got. TBH, you won't have much time on the day to be worrying about it, so I'd stick with 'less is more'.

MissKCB

It is always truly tragic to lose such a close member of the family and a wedding always brings those feelings of loss to the fore.

At most weddings I have photographed, loved ones whom are no longer with us are remembered at the speeches, but at one particular wedding the bride's father had passed away and she had a small photo frame, at the top table, in front of herself with her dad's photo in it and a discreet white rose in a small vase by it. It was lovely and simple, and I know it meant a lot to her.

All the of suggestions given are equally lovely.

I am sure your OH will be very touched by the fact that you want to do this.

All the best to you both...

Andrea de Gabriel

I have not a scooby when it comes to wines, but could that be incorporated somehow, maybe for toasting or arrival drinks?

MissKCB, how sad for you and your family in law.

I lost my Dad suddenly last year and we're getting married in a few months time.

I wont be goingdown the empty seats/place settings either, but I will be having him there in less "in your face" ways

I have a picture of my parents on their wedding day which I have in a small photo frame which will be tied around my bouquet.

Soon I'm planning on cutting a love heart out of one of his old shirts and having my seamstress mother sew it to my dress.

A lot of his favourite music at the reception.

I like to think that the people who aren't able to be with us physically on our special days are there just the same in whatever way they can manage

I think the ideas you have already are lovely and not too much or over the top. How thoughtful of you. Such a sad situation, so sorry for your loss.

I thought the same, you could raise a glass to her with her fave.

Sorry to hear she died and all this is going on. I agree not going over the top with everytthing - during the speeches could you do a toast for her?

Thanks again everything. I think my OH will pay special mention to her in his speech, if he can get through it!!

Thank you for your help, I will keep things subtle and low key. I just want to make sure that she is there somehow.

xx

So sorry for your and your OH's loss, I think your ideas are really lovely, and agree that subtle touches would be really nice and what you've got sounds perfect.

I am so sorry for your husband to be and your loss

I lost my Grandad who was my world to cancer in the space of a weekend last year and 8 weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and told its uncureable- hes currently going through chemo to prolong his life expectancy not to cure it- we was told he has 6-12 months, i get married May 14!! We are praying he will be here.

I am also having cancer research pin badges as favours and putting a picyure of my Grandad in front of me on Top table and im thinking of doing a balloon release with his names on the balloons in our colours! Hopefully i wont be having to do this for my dad as he will be by my side.

Thoughts are with you all at this hard time xx

Joanna xx