HITCHED HELP NEEDED. wot now.

Hi

My OHs mum is giving us some money but has said that as it's our day we can spend it on what we want ?

My mum has also offered to contribute but then wants to have a say over everything from what we are eating to who we can invite (ie none of our friends!!!) and who I have as my bridesmaids. So we have explained that while we appreciate the offer she has to understand that it is our day (although we have made a few compromises).

It can be a bit tricky but we have got all our ideas etc in a file and shown both mums so they feel involved (it also helps to have something similar but way over budget to support your decision for the one you want ?) Make sure she feels involved but you may be worrying prematurely, she might just like to know what the money went on. HTH

Also, with regards to the guest list, we are having quite a few distant relatives but have given both sets of parents a couple of invites each (people we wouldnt have invited but who they would like) just really as a courtesy and a thank you. I think a lot of people do it this way, particularly if a contribution has been made.

Hi,

Coming from recent experience with the exact same issue I'm only saying this because I've been there, got the t shirt, cried myself to sleep, screamed and shouted and been screamed and shouted back at and then the day was over and I wondered why it had all been a problem in the first place. So anyway if your mil2b would like to pay for some things then yes she should be able to invite people she wants if it doesn't cause your plans any difficultly or mean you need to cut your own side of the guest list down.

Seriously on the day you probably won't even notice them! My mum invited people from her work which I wasn't keen on because I don't know them but I said hello to them and never spoke or saw them again as we were too busy dancing or chatting to other people. If they hadn't even arrived I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

My parents paid for our wedding and I really did struggle with the whole issue of letting them have their own opinion but looking back I was such a selfish cow with certain things and with other things I still stand my ground and say 'our day our way' so pick your battles is what I'm saying. If she only wants to invite a few extra people and that her money would make things easier for you financially and/or let you purchase items you wouldn't normally have been able to then I believe that is a fair compromise.

Or decline the offer of money politely and have your day your way without feeling the need to share it.

If you had asked me 4 months ago I would have had a totally different opinion but looking back I wish I hadn't been so darn hard on my parents who just wanted to see their daughter get married and have the best day of their lives as well.

Lx

Has she said she wants to make decisions or are these assumptions?

Did you find that odd Lyns? I would never want to go to someones wedding that i didn't know (unless H knew them of course).

ETA i didn't mean it was odd of your Mum, i meant as a guest would you want to go to or feel comfortable going to someones wedding who you didn't know. I've always wondered that ?. My Brother invited me to his mates wedding (apparently ok'd by his mate) and i said 'why would i want to do that?' ?