Honest opinions please

You are the only person that can make that decision. But do keep in mind that this is going to be a day that is already a very difficult day without your father. I don;t think I could have had my wedding on my dad's birthday - it;s going to be hard enough as it is.

On the other hand, I can see why you want to - it seems like a nice way to remember him on the most important day of your life. But, try to remember that your wedding day should be happy and should be about you and your OH...not your late father. It's very easy to forget that - I've had to catch myself a few times.

I think it'll be fine. Birthdays are always something to celebrate and it'll have more of a meaning to you and your family!

I think it would have been a bit different and awkward if it was the anniversary of his death (tried to put that in the nicest way possible ?) but birthday is fine!

I wouldn't. I'd rather have my wedding day as special because it's my wedding day/anniversary and my Dad's birthday as special because it's my Dad's birthday. Too many conflicting emotions piled together for me. I can see the reasoning, an extra special day, adding a happy memory to a sadder one, but it wouldn't be how I'd want to remember either day.

That does seem like a nice idea, depends how you feel about it, whether it make you happy on the day or end up feeling sad wishing he was there?

I went to my cousins wedding a few weekends ago and they projected pictures on the wall, they had one of grandparents and it instantly made my mum sad and upset for some of the evening, which then set some other people off because she was crying. I know this is very different but it just shows how the smallest thing can sometimes really upset people.

I understand this is a hard decision and I hope what ever you decide it makes you happy.

I would not even consider it. My FIl died 3 years ago and I wouldn't do that to my MIL, she struggles on his birthday as is, but for her to try to be happy on what is for her, a very sad day is not fair. Also the rest of his family would hate it and as some one else said it will be hard enough without him anyway let alone being his birthday.

I think this is such a personal decision and only you can make it as there is no right or wrong answer.

Completely this. I know I couldn't do it. That day is hard enough for my mum without expecting her to be able to do everything I would need her to do on my wedding day. Plus selfishly maybe, I want the day to be my own, and not tinted with sadness. We will all be thinking of my dad anyway. However it entirely depends on what you, your OH and your families think.

How do you cope with his birthday usually? And how do you feel about the wedding day and him not being there? If you feel like you cope/can cope with those things well then combining may not be a bad thing, but if you don't cope that well then it's probably not a wise idea.

But only you can know within yourself how you feel.

I'd also consider other people's feelings, if it's your mum saying she'd rather not have it that day then I would listen to that, she will also have mixed emotions on the day and even if you think you'll cope ok she might not.

HTH

Thank you all for your replies.

When I think of my Dad not being there on the day I feel very sad, the thought of having it on his birthday makes me much happier and I have a sense of including him.

My Mum was the one who had actually said something( not ness nice either) which has made me think, my parent divorced when I was 8/9 and there was no love lost from my Mothers side. It's my grandparents and uncles I worry about upsetting more than anything.

Personally, I wouldn't do it. There are other ways to remember your dad on the day and the fact that you have had some not-so-positive reactions from your guests makes me think it might end up taking the shine off the day for you.

I understand how difficult it must be to have lost your dad but think ahead to your wedding anniversaries - do you really want to be sad on every one?

Everyone is different.

If it's all still very raw for you, it could make the day itself very difficult and hold some not so nice memories, but saying that if it happened some time ago and you generally treat it as a day of happily remembering your father and toast a drink to him in his memory, then go for it. How does your mother feel about it? And any brothers or sisters? I think they are the main people i would factor into it as the date isn't only significant to you, but to them too, along with lots of memories. If all is good and your mum & siblings are all in favour of it, then great!

On the one hand, i can see why it'd be good, but on the other hand i think i'd be tempted to leave that date as his birthday and have my wedding date as a different one.

It's completly up to you and how you think you cope with it. We have picked our date because it's my partners late grandads birthday and they were close and his nan is over the moon with our decision x

Personally, no, I wouldnt go with that date, it will be very raw for some especially your grandparents and cousins etc who still hold your late father dear. I can understand why you feel like you would want to, but no I would discount that as a date.