How am I supposed to feel?

Hello KBS.

How are you supposed to feel? I have absolutely no idea. I can't imagine it would be any sort of happy time whatever the reasons and rationale for the break up. I guess all you can do is accept that is was the best thing for you (clearly true) but that the day itsloef wil be difficult.

Surround yourself with whatever makes you feel good, whether that be people or not. Do things that please you and thank your lucky stars you aren't marrying a cheating twonk.

KBS - it's lovely to see you back, even if it's under the basis of you being upset. ?.

I think what your feeling is exactly normal, and i'm sorry again that you've had to deal with this.

I'm not sure if this will help but i'll share a story of my friend who cancelled his wedding at 6 weeks notice recently, after his financee said she no longer loved him - his wedding was booked for a thursday so his friends had already had the Thursday and Friday off work, so he headed to Thorpe park, had a fantastic time, then went out on the town - make sure you do what's right for you. For him, it was distraction, for you it may be a quiet day alone, reflecting etc.

He also went on his stag do (it was booked and paid for so the lads thought, why not) and also went on his honeymoon with a fellow male friend, and again felt he'd made the best out of a bad situation and had an excellent time - I was very jealous, he said being away was exactly what he needed (but again, I am sure each person has their own needs).

? Hi KBS, I remember you and your story, so glad to hear you have moved on and are happier. Can't really answer how you should feel as not been there myself but I can only guess that no matter how much you've moved on of course it would be natural to feel rather weird about what you were going to be doing now/next week.

A friend of mine was due to get married a couple of weeks ago but the wedding/relationship was called off over a year before, not due to cheating but it still wasn't very amicable. She spent the day with a whole load of girly friends and family and from the pictures looked like she had an amazing day and kept herself busy. She's moved on and is in the early stages of a new relationship but it didn't stop her knowing that it was supposed to be her wedding day.

Hey love!

i dont know how you are 'supposed' to feel but i think you need to get together with a loved one and do something youve been meaning to do for a while, go somewhere youve not been before, take your mind off it and fill the day with different memories! You are strong and i know you, you'll be able to not think of it all day and be fine, promise!

?

How you're feeling is normal. I've been where you are (called the wedding off 2 months before the "big day", due to my OK sh@gging my sister).

My friends rallied round, and on the day, we went shopping, and had a fab night out. Twunt or what day it was wasn't mentioned.

Could you do something like that?

Hey...how strange, I literally thought about you earlier this week and wondered how you were getting on.

I don't have a clue how you are supposed to feel, but I'm sure that being upset and hurt sounds about right in the circumstances. I would echo what others have said, do something with that day, don't spend it sitting around with idle time to think about things.

It's lovely to see you back, even if it's not for a good reason. I hope you stick around, as we can be a nice, funny, supporting bunch!

Hi KBS ? nice to see you back again. I was only saying the other month that when I first joined here, you were one of the ones who was the most welcoming and I remembered you the most.

I'm sorry you're feeling like that. Of course you're going to be hurt. Moving on doesn't mean you just forget everything that happened, as if it's wiped from your mind - it doesn't work like that. You can still be hurt, upset, angry. Emotions aren't void just because you're not with a person anymore.

I don't think you should completely wipe the wedding day from your mind. You shouldn't regret it. What he did was wrong and he's a complete moron, but you're entitled to feel anything you want on that day.

One day you'll get to be a beautiful bride with a man who will treat you properly and will love you with every inch of his heart and wont cheat on you with some two bit twunt, and you'll appreciate him even more because of the sh1t you've been through.

Hope you're ok.

Hiya, thanks ladies for your kind words. I'm sure I'll do something on the day, retail therapy does sound like a damn good idea though..

Pas I said earlier, I have moved on, I am in the early stages of a new relationship and it is going very well, however, as the ex is still living in the village, I.e close community and only one pub I do see him with HER quite often, I guess seeing them together brings back the hurt however I really cant be a hypocrit as I go in there too with my new fella to land I don't know how that makes the ex feel either... Saying that if he hadn't had the affair then we would still be together and we would be getting married in 9days time...

Hiya KBS nice to see you again, even if it is under sad circumstances. I have thought about you often and wondered how you were doing. I am so pleased to hear you have been able to move on somewhat even if they're still around.

I would feel as you do now...confused, numb, the date will obviously be important to you but the trick is to control what you do with it, and not let it control you.

To give you an example, my mum has certain dates that she holds on to linked to my dad, such as his birthday, date of his death and so on. It is her way of dealing with it. She has these dates and keeps them sort of sacred, she will put flowers where we scattered his ashes, she marks the dates in her calendar and deliberately arranges to keep free time on those days, she always tries to be prepared but they still always overwhelm her. In my opinion those dates control her plans.

In my view that isn't healthy (for me), I am aware of the dates in the background but always keep busy so that my sadness doesn't overwhelm me, my way of controlling it. My mum chooses to feel that sadness, she needs it and it works for her to mark them in her own way, whereas I don't.

It will be entirely up to you how you greet that day, and other important dates that remind you of your OH and what happened, I personally would be going off to a spa day with friends, or a theme park as has been suggested, keeping the day busy busy busy and maybe even planning a big night out to get drunk and go dancing or whatever. I know that if I went for some quiet alone time I would be scared of being dragged down into the sadness and never getting out of it again!

I echo MY and hope you stick around x

I am sure what you are feeling is totally normal. I think what ER said sounds like a goodn plan, make sure that you have plans for the day and try to take your mind of the day. Try to think about the fact that you've moved on in your life and that hopefully you are now getting happier. ?

Hi KBS, glad you're doing ok. I know it's going to be a hard day but like the other ladies say I think you have to arrange something nice to do to take your mind off it. Your ex might think about it too, or he might not, but you're better than him so just have a fun day instead

Hey KBS, no need to apologise to me - we've already settled our differences!

I think the only thing you can do next Saturday is keep busy and remind yourself how happy you are now - I too hope it rains!

Hi KBS ? lovely to see you back. I have changed my name just to confuse you even more. Please don't worry about how things went before you left, you were in a tough place, no need for you to apologise at all. I am really glad you are doing ok. As the others have suggested maybe you could have a girly day out? Try and take your mind off it? Hope you stick around anyway.

Hi Bea and Nursey, thank you both for posting on this thread, I really do apologise though, I did act like a complete T*T...

You never know, i may just write a Non Wedding Day Report hahahahahahahahahahahah

Thank you everyone though who has posted on here, it really has meant an awful lot x.

Hey K, no need for apologies.

As you know, I've been there and have come out the other side. On my "wedding day" I can honestly say I didn't once feel sad at all. I spent the day campervanning round welsh wales with my best friend. We dined out in a posh restaurant sipping cocktails to mark the occasion. (Posh by my standards, I had to slyly google on my phone what was on the menu to understand it!!).

Just don't spend the day alone sitting and thinking about it. Go for a day out with your new man and be thankful that you aren't marrying the slimy toad.

Is there any way your supposed to feel? I'm sure there is not, therefore however you do feel is totally ok!

Hi kbs, you won't recognise my name but i can't remember which name change i was on when you left, i too have thought about you often so its absolutely lovely to see you back!

Hi KBS, pleased to hear you are starting to move. Just want to give my experience which may not have any resemblance to how it goes for you.

our wedding should have been 5 years ago but he called it off for no clear reason about 5 months before. i struggled to deal with it all and the wedding day was very tough. it really loomed over me and i felt scared, nervous and upset as it approached. i spend the day with my sister and best friend. went to a museum, did some retail therapy, got all dolled up and went for food and drinks. but it never left my mind and i'm not sure i would have wanted it to. i didn't feel it was something i could try and ignore. i think it's ok to be sad about these things. even then i knew in my head it was for the best (in fact i'd already met the man who is now my husband!) but my heart was so sad. At one point in the day the ex started texting and i said things i shouldn't have like i missed him, but hey, not ideal but nothing was ever going to happen and it just reaffirmed what a t**t he was.

basically my view on all this is that, as others have said, there is no way you are supposed to feel. plan some fun for the day but if that doesn't manage to distract you then that's ok. i was subdued and distracted all day. i cried a lot the next day when everyone left (in fact the day after was probably harder) but on the monday i finally started to feel like i could move on. being sad for the weekend didn't do any harm in the long run!

whatever you do just have people with you who love you and remind you how special you are x

I hope that the date went past without too much heartache.