How can I tell Best Man his speech is terrible?! Advice needed

Totally feel your pain, my h2b is having 2 BM's because we both knew his best friend (and first pick) is just totally unreliable and lazy and i was terrified about his speech!

I made a little "preparing to be a best man" goody bag for him to give to them and just had beer and hair gel etc and then i slipped in a book on do's and dont's and speech writing etc.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Being-Best-Man-For-Dummies/dp/1118650433/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1392657435&sr=8-2&keywords=best+man

Was kind of a gentle suggestion without being outright rude. Im still terrified though!

I know it's not ideal but is really that bad if his speech isn't good? No-one is going to boo him off stage or anything. Everyone will be polite and tell him they liked the so and so bit etc. you future husband must have selected him as he's his best friend and he wants to be involved. What does your future husband think? I personally wouldn't worry about it.

Why not just say to him that it's good but maybe he wants to give it a bit of added comic relief? Then suggest funny stories?

I do feel your pain but unless you completely re-write his speech it might still not be what you were really hoping for so offer him a little bit of advise and then leave it at that to spare some of his feelings.

Think it's a little harsh to judge someone's ability to be 'best man ' and them not being 'right for the job' based on their speech ability.my oh best man isn't even doing a speech !

Its about his connection to your OH. No one will care if his speech isn't everything that's 'expected' - try not to stress x

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging his ability as best man, he is after all my OHs oldest mate, he just cannot write a speech! I can't help thinking he might be asking for help by giving me a copy of the speech to look at but at the same time I don't want to hurt his feelings after the effort he's made....

I thought you'd offered help? Maybe he thought he 'should' send it to you? I think the poster above way right; say some nice things then give some example funny stories to include if you want them in there. What does you future husband think? If he doesn't mind I think you should just leave it to be honest.

Stop meddling and let him get on with it!

I agree with Pugsley x

Yes, some good advice there Pugsley. Thanks x

Sorry must of misinterpreted this .

I think just let him get on with it . Some people aren't naturally good at speeches but at least he's trying . You can plan as much as you like but you can't plan what people say unfortunately. I'm afraid that if you give him 'guidance' you may end up making him feel even worse about it and have even less self confidence in doing a speech x

At least its not full of swear words & references to previous girlfriends & their sex lives! This was a main topic for the BM speech at my SIL wedding. Cringe worthy.

You may recall the advice from your last thread, that the speech isn't the be all and end all. The fact he's started writing the speech proves that he wants to do the job.

your lack of priorities and sensitivity is just going to upset both the best man and your groom!

I can assure you it's because of my sensitivity I am so concerned. Best man is a very sensitive bloke and I'm worried he won't get the reacion he is expecting from his speech, I am just trying to save his embarassment and upset on the day. I am not a cold person and my priorities are right, I am thinking of HIM not myself.

I am going offer him advice and leaveit there, it's up to him what he does with that advice.

Thanks for your input ladies

X

I've been to some weddings with some terrible best man speeches before, it really wasn't that important on the day though, everyone just smiled along and were polite about it. As long as it's not rude or disrespectful I wouldn't worry.

The Best Man's speech is supposed to be a surprise to the Bride and Groom. So as not to spoil that element, but still help him, and reassure you, you could suggest that he has a chat with another friend of the groom who could help him, and just make sure there are no inappropriate references if that's a concern. Choose someone who knows both the groom and the BM. You could still say that you have every confidence and that you know he'll do a great job but that you don't want to spoil any surprises.

You could still give him a couple of examples/stories that you'd like him to include and leave it at that. But it really doesn't have to be the funiest, embarrasing thing going. Just what comes from his heart.

Our BM is my fiance's son (will be 19) and my son(will be 22) is giving me away. They're both worried about their speeches but we're guiding them to other members of the family to help them. We may well provide some input via this indirect route, but the speeches will still be very much a surprise. They'll be what they'll be. Everyone will be willing them well and they'll be over as quick as.

The most uncofmratble BM speech I ever saw was it a close family wedding. The BM just froze. He stood and cried as he could not say a word. It was heartbreaking. This was due to the pressure he felt in getting it right. So just something to be careful of.

hth

I agree with this.

I seem to remember from your original post about this that he has learning difficulties - I'll say now what I said then, don't worry about him embarrassing himself by not having a witty and eloquent speech - I'm sure he won't feel embarrassed by it, though he might feel embarrassed/stressed by you telling him his speech isn't good enough? The best man's speech shouldn't have to be a talented performance, it's the best man's opportunity to have HIS say, whatever that may be. Unless it's inappropriate, it's fine.

To be honest, I didn't see your previous post about this but having now read this through a few times I feel I have to comment on a couple of things. For one thing, if he is the man your OH chose to be his best man, then he is the right man for the job - that's your OH's choice and should be who he wants no matter what you think of the choice.

Secondly, I think his speech is his business and should come from his heart and his feelings. If the way he has written it is the way he is most comfortable with it, then leave it be. He won't humiliate himself - everyone listening will be thinking how brave he is to stand up and give a speech in the first place.

Personally, I think you should leave the poor man alone, you are probably making him even more nervous about his job than he already was!

I think you are worrying over nothing - it doesn't matter that there are no jokes, or piss taking, he's made the effort to write one despite not being wholly comfortable with the idea. He's written it from his heart, and to the best of his ability - maybe give him some pointers so it flows better perhaps, but otherwise leave him to it.

Its tough getting up in front of a crowd of people, if people make fun of his speech then shame on them.

I agree with this, its up to the BM what he wants to say in his speech, noone else. Yes, BM speeches are usually funny, but whats wrong with having a nice sentimentel one instead? Might make a refresching change IMHO. If he isn't worried about the reaction his speech gets then neither should you, as a bride you have more than enough to worry about. I do think it sounds like you have an idea of what you want his speech to involve and just because his idea is different you aren't too happy about that. My OH is having his younger brother (23) as his BM and I know he will have plenty of stories and I reckon his speech will last forever but hey, thats part of his personality so I'm not fussed at all.

I am sure people will like the speech whether its funny or heartfelt.

Seconded^. I agree with everyone who's said it won't be that big of a deal if it's not funny, it doesn't necessarily have to be. If you are pretty sure that there will be people present who WILL say something to him about a "bad speech", maybe they're the ones who need a talking to?

Since you already done some sort of proofreading, might as well complete the proofreading lol - IMO