How did you choose your bridesmaids?

My CBM is a friend who I worked with. I've only known her for 5-6 years but she was with me through a lot of stuff and was very helpful when it came to organising parties! Infact shes been there for me more than my best friends! So I asked her instead of anyone else and so far shes been brilliant.

As far as doing the same for her, that wont happen but I DO know how you feel in terms of returning the favour, as a childhood friend chose someone else over me and I was gutted. I was asked to do a reading instead which I was delighted to do. I always envisaged us being bridesmaids for one another. I didnt deliberately set out not to choose her but..... Shes doing some stuff for us anywho and I have a thank you gift for her.

My other 2 are my brothers daughters so that was simple enuff. Choose who you think will mean the most to you and help you, not just on the day but throughout the planning, even if its to listen to some ideas (I've been surprised how many girls here have BM problems!). Dont be pressured into having a bm coz they are are pretty/related/young/never going to be a bride.

goodluck!

The other thing im concerned about is the 2 ladies that H2B wants we get on great but I only see them when we go to where my OH used to live (Berks - we live in Kent).

I seem to make the texts to see how they are or arrange things so from that point im really thinking just to have my sis and my friend Lisa.

Although I know these 2 girls would be fun on the day and look after me in the morning whereas my sister will probably be eating musli instead of drinking champers!!

Firstly, you know it's not essential to have any bridesmaids don't you? A couple of girls on here aren't.

I chose my CBM because she's been my closest friend for the last 7 years and was the mutual friend I met h2b through. I was her CBM last year. BM#2 is my brothers girlfriend, they have been together for 8 years so she is now like the sister I never had (and never wanted?). BM#3 is BIL2B's girlfriend who wasn't going to be one but was so helpful in telling me what is cool and stylish and what is not it just felt right to ask her. BM#3 & #4 are 9yo twins who are my god parents' daughters who I'd always imagined being my BMs and who have asked us if we're getting married everytime we've seen them in the last 2 years!

I'm having my sister and my H2B's sister. I only wanted 2 so my decision was easy, it would have been difficult to choose out of my friends.

I think it should be your decision, who you really want from your heart.

Ah see that’s where im going wrong as ive single handidly organised pretty much everything on my own.

My friend Lisa has offered to help make my dress etc.. and help me with any bridesmaid bits and she keeps reminding me that its my day not anyone elses but apart from that I would say that no-one has really helped!!

My sister has suggested venues but they are well out of my price range and has disappeared to Oz til July but the wedding isnt til next July so its not too much of a problem.

Im thinking would the H2B's choices still stay friends if they split from their boyfrineds (H2B's mates) and im not sure ?

I'm having my sister & 2 of my cousins as bridesmaids, saves having to pick & choose friends although those 3 were always my 1st choice anyway.

We are also having h2b's niece as our flower girl.

My sister's friend who is getting married next year can't choose who out of her close friends she wants to be bridesmaid so she is thinking about having all 15 of them. ?

I am having my sister and h2b sister, also my friends little girl as a flower girl. Her son is my godson, but we are having h2b nephew being a ring bearer so I do not want loads. My friend wanted to be one, but told her only 2 she is my best mate in the world. So I have asked her to do a reading for us

x

I don't agree with choosing bridesmaids on the basis that you'd expect them to choose you in return when their time comes, if that's what you meant by the comment above. Some people have closer family that they'd put above friends - I'm an example of that. I have 3 really close girlfriends who I've known for about 10 years who aren't being bridesmaids because I'm having my 2 cousins (one of whom is my goddaughter too) and H2B's sister. I am having 1 friend as my Chief BM but she's more like family as I've known her literally all my life, our dads are best friends.

I would secondly echo what others have said and say that a) you actually don't have to have any bridesmaids if you can't choose, this might be a way out, and b) don't go with what your H2B says if you don't agree with it. You just mentioned that you don't see them that much, plus you're not sure whether you would stay friends if they split up with their partners - personally that signals to me that you're not all that close. I'd imagine you wouldn't want people as your bridesmaids that you could drift apart from and then not see them again.

I would never have my H's friends partners as my bridesmaids unless they were very good friends of MINE! What are his reasons? Is it just because they are the BM's and Ushers Girlfriends?

I had my sister and my H's sister. Didn't ask any friends as i would never choose.

I am having 3, my sister who is my CBM, I chose her because I class her as my best friend and she is good at calming me down if necessary, letting me rant, I can tell absolutely anything to her and she knows from my face exactly what I am thinking.

My 2nd bm is one of my oldest friends, I have known her since she was 9 and me 11 and she is I guess a mutual best friend between my sister and I.

My 3rd bm I have known for around 7 years, she is actually a long ago ex of my oh, from their late teens, he is 34 now.

Re the reciprocation part .. umm my sis has already told me that when she gets married I probably wont be asked to be a bm, but her reasons are cos she is little compared to me (im close to 6ft and she is 5ft5) so she thinks it would look silly in the pics lol

And I shall have a flowergirl, my niece who will be 7 months old.

Crickey I hadnt thought about that! my sister is 5ft 8 and im 5ft 3 ish!! i guess she could wear flats and me litttle heels! not too high as OH is 5 8 too and I hate it when i feel the same height as him!!

Two of my bm's are my cousins (they are sisters) who i'm close in age to and we've grown up together. I don't have any sisters so they are the closest to that to me. One of them is my CBM - i chose her because out of all my bm's she lives nearest to me so on a practical note i knew she's be the one who'd be around to come dress shopping and stuff. Also because i knew she's be really supportive and would help me a lot. BM #3 is a very good friend who i've known for nearly 10 years, and even though we don't see each other very often these days (mainly due to our opposite shift patterns at work - grrr) she is still one of my best friends. BM#4 is H2B's little sister.

As others have said - I wouldn't have best man/ushers gf's unless they were my friends. Also choose your BM's based on who you want, not who other people (inc your H2B) tell you you should have. Do you get a say in who he's having as ushers? No? Then he shouldn't have any influence on who you have as BM's!

I just had my sister and H's sisters. I didn't have a really close friend that i felt that i could ask. As it turned out i wish i'd have just asked my sister, H's sisters were useless bridesmaids and didn't help at all throughout the planning of the wedding. In fact on the day of the wedding it was my friend who ended up helping me to go to the loo because all the bridesmaids had buggered off.

Im having my niece and my best friend as she has been there for me through some bad times. my oh did suggest having his nieces but this was never going to happen as their parents would then just disown them for the day, there has been moaning from his family about this but its our day.

i also know that my friend will be there for me on the day were as some of my other friends wouldnt be

Im having my niece and my best friend as she has been there for me through some bad times. my oh did suggest having his nieces but this was never going to happen as their parents would then just disown them for the day, there has been moaning from his family about this but its our day.

i also know that my friend will be there for me on the day were as some of my other friends wouldnt be

I'm having 5!

My CBM is my best friend of 20years! We're like sisters and I wouldnt want any1 else

Then I've got my niece, shes the only girl on my h2bs side and I feel like i've known her forever

Then I've got my 3 cousins 1 in which is my god daughter!

I don't really have any girly friends that I'm that close to. I asked one of our mutual friends because she's quite good at organising things and organises a lot of events for work. She's the only one I could talk to when me & H2B were going through a rough patch. She is a bit of a scatterbrain tho and never replies to my texts!

I don't think she'll ask me to be her bridesmaid as she's got a sister and several friends who she's much closer too, but it doesn't really bother me. I was asked to be bridesmaid once for my ex's SIL, but she was such a bridezilla I couldn't cope and backed out! I doubt I'll get the opportunity again, but I think it seems like a lot of hassel for not much reward. To be honest I don't see the point of bridesmaids in general!

Luckily the best man and ushers are all gay, and I am putting my footdown at having any hairy legged bridesmaids at my wedding! lol! But in all seriousness, the vibe I'm getting from everyone here is, unless she's a close friend/sister, someone who doesn't mind seeing you at your worst and getting the sharp end of the bridezilla tongue once in a while, she's not worth having as a bridesmaid!

Sorry if anyone takes particular offence to this, but what on earth do you expect your bridesmaids to do for you? why should you need someone to keep you calm / make your favours / paint your invites or nails / hold your hand? your wedding is your day not your bridesmaids, and you are a grown woman! ok it's fun to get them involved, but only if they offer - don't choose them just because you think they're going to be at your beck and call for the duration of your planning!

fwiw i am having my sister and my 3 cousins - i would never have dreamed not having them. i have been bridesmaid for 2 of my close friends, but have not reciprocated the favour in asking them, as they are from 2 different friendship groups, and if i had one, i'd have to have them all, which would mean, on top of the 4 i already have (which i acknowledge is quite a large number already), i'd have to have an additional 6, which i am NOT going to do.

choose your bridesmaid because she is someone you are close to, and want to give a special role to on the day because you love and value them. not because they are going to be helpful or soothing to you. and on the flip side, don't NOT choose someone because they are going to look taller/slimmer than you on the day - THAT is just ridiculous.

sorry this isn't aimed at anyone in particular on this thread at all - just a general rant.

I agree with Bluewater.

I am an only child and don't have any cousins. I have a number of close friends I could have asked but intitially thought I wouldn't have any to save some money but I really wanted to ask my 2 BMs and I'm really glad I did. I haven't needed them to do anything but its been so nice both of them being excited with me about things for the wedding and had so much fun shopping for their dresses/shoes etc and they have organised my hen for me...

I think what others have said is very true; if you don't know who to have then don't have them.

I chose mine by thinking about who i would really want there with me in the morning when im getting ready.

I didnt expect them to do anything or get involved in anyway coz its not their wedding. I chose those most important to me and also my SIL to be. I would give one tip and that is leave until the last possible moment to decide - whilst i wouldnt change any of mine, i would add to it and would have had another friend now who has been so helpful and "interested" in the whole event. Trouble is my dresses are Raylia and i cant get another one now. took the decision that it would be too strange to have an "odd" dress so have asked her to sign the register instead.

i would ask your best friend and even if she isnt a "feeling" friend it should be your friends and the people you love most.

from experience and from reading posts on here - people you arent getting on with particularly well cause problems and likewise those you arent too close to (ie your H2Bs Bm girlfriend etc) may not be that enthusiastic about it all.

you really want people who are going to ensure that on the day you are as happy as can be

good luck in the decision x

I've got my uni housemate, my friend i was with on holiday with when i met my OH, and my niece. No MOH. I've only chosen people we both know really well. BM is the guy my OH was on holiday with when we met and usher is my brother. x

My first bridesmaid is a close friend of mine and also godmother to my daugher and have always said that when get married she would be a BM so that one was an easy decision for me....the rest though is a bit harder, i can't decide whether to have 2 or 3. There is my step sister i could ask who i am close to but also a friend who i have known for years (i am godmother to her daughter), but she doesn't live round where i love anymore and we aren't as close as used to be!!!! so i have one decided for definite and the other 1 or 2 i still can't decide!

sorry, that probably isn't much help!

Plan! I have flats for the wedding and my sister will be wearing heels I would imagine. Though the bm's were told in the shop that for their dresses the max heel height they could all have is 2inches,

My OH is only about 5ft8, so I already tower over him, so I dont have to worry about being the same height as him ?

Mine was easy - my sister, best friend and also her daughter - my god daughter as a flower girl. I could have also chosen a friend I was bridesmaid for and quite easily another friend too but I wanted to keep it to a small number - easier to manage! OH has a sister too but I have only met her once so far so not an option.

The bridesmaids traditionally come from the bride's side - not that I am one to follow traditions - but I don't think it is fair for OH to try to sway your choices here.

I'm having 2 BMs, both were my housemates at uni and are my best friends even though they both live 3 hours away from me. I just can't imagine having anyone other than them there on the morning of the wedding; they will be perfect for sharing it all with!

Mr Spoon's brother is getting married next autumn and his girlfriend is having his sister as a BM but I don't want her as one of mine ? Although she is nice enough we're not particularly close and I definitely only want people that are MY friends as BMs rather than people I feel obligated to have.

I don't have a sister and my best friend was already being a bridesmaid at her sisters wedding, so I decided to ask my SIL and my neice My friend done a reading at the ceremony for us.

I didn't want a "team" of bridesmaids and had decided that I was just going to have 1 bridesmaid and a flowergirl, which for us - was perfect!

HTH

E x