How did you decide on final guest list? Really worried already!

Does your dad see them more often than you? If he doesn't then they are obviously not close so I say don't invite them?

Have you spoken to your dad about it to gage whether he'd be upset if they weren't invited?

Things like this are always tricky and it's not a great position to be in, so I feel for you. Do you think that it would genuinely upset anyone in the family (aside from the aunts themselves) if they were not invited? Would your dad be offended for example if they were not there? If so, perhaps consider just how much you don't want them there and whether it would be worth upsetting your nearest and dearest over.

If you feel that your dad and other family members would understand, then personally I wouldn't invite them. (I wouldn't anyway but that's just me!)

If at any point it is questioned you could always say something like "we decided that we were not going to be inviting anyone who hasn't been in contact with us within the last year/18 months/2 years" which should make it clear that they've not been part of your lives for a while.

Of course that's assuming you have the budget and space to accommodate them. If not, there would be no question in my mind that they wouldn't be getting an invite.

I understand how you feel as we will be selectively inviting some family members and not others. We've not seen or heard from many of them for years and some only contact us when they want something (usually expecting free photos of their kids) I'm sure some noses will be out of joint because of it, but so be it.

Ultimately it's your day and your decision, but good luck figuring it out.

My Dad isn't close to them, I asked him what he thought and being the typical bloke he is he just said if I want to invite them, invite them, if not don't but I dunno if he is just putting a front on and really thinks I should ask but is afraid to tell me incase he upsets me.

On paper the decision should be so easy as there are more reasons not to invite them than to invite them I am just a real worrier and don't want to upset anyone. I was dead set on not asking until I found out they had been talking about it and are expecting an invite.

My OH is very black and white, I wish I was more like that as it would be so easy to just say no.

Pavone, thanks for your suggestion about saying we have decided to invite people we have recently seen I think it is a good one. Xx

I've had a similar situation my mum has 2 bothers and both of them are known for getting drunk at weddings and starting things so neither of them are invited for the whole day and only one is invited to the evening... I havn't seen one of thm for 8 years and the other for 6 years so its no skin of my nose if they cant be bothered to even post a card when i got engaged then why should i bother with them on my wedding day. It sounds selfish i know but i don't care about the trouble it causes I'm not allowing them to ruin my day. We can only had 50 adult day guests so anyone that doesn't make the cut will be in the evening bar 1 uncle.


If either of them want to question me about it then i will happily put them in their place as my nan has recently had a stroke and there is a 90% chance shes going into a nursing home so my priority is making sure she can still come as she will be heartbroken if she doesn't make it.

Hope you manage to resolve it x

If I were you then, based on your dads response I wouldn't invite them. I know I don't know him but if he really wanted them there and felt it would cause a row if they weren't then I'm sure he would have said that he thinks you should invite them

It sounds like your dad has given you a green light to not invite them....

If they ever brought it up, you can just claim the classic "venue restrictions, really tight on numbers etc"

I made a list of our friends that had to be there. Then worked out how many family we could invite

I invited the family I wanted there, those who had met Boy, those who made the effort at parties (and funerals, FFS), those I'd actually seen in the preceding ten years, those who wouldn't think twice about travelling across international borders, family members that love me and whom I consider friends.

In one case, this meant inviting two sisters from three (my cousins), the third of whom I hadn't seen nor spoken to in well over over 15 years (not an argument or owt, just not close family). My Mum was annoyed but, as I said to her, 'What's she going to do? Stop asking me round for Sunday dinner?'.

I don't say this often about weddings, as I don't really think the rule of 'Your day, your way' always applies, but you need to do what you want here. The least you can expect is to be surrounded by people who love you, and to look out at a sea of smiling faces and know every single one of them wants to be with you on your day.

I have a similar situation with my Mum's brother and my Dad's brother and one of his sisters. My Mum and I had a big row about her brother, who I have seen maybe four times in ten years but has made no other contact with me. I'm inviting him although I know he won't come. My Dad said he didn't want me to have anyone at my wedding who would make me uncomfortable but he seemed sad. I think he was sad more that I don't have a better relationship with them, which makes me sad sometimes, rather than sad about them not being invited specifically.

I am having this exact issue right now too and my current guest list has whittled its way down to about 20 due to people who will argue if others are attending, various issues with parents/step parents. And the major issue of the fact that, after being together 8 years, my OH is yet to even meet my dad! (Which reflects the state of the relationship between me and my dad!)

Our venue is now too big and will probably have to be changed but I'm starting to think we're better off just having the select few we want without the worry of catty behaviour and needless worry.

The tall and short of it for me is I don't want to be thinking about them when I should be thinking of me and OH. Which means they aren't coming!

Ty for this post as in replying I have made up my mind about my own situation, and although a little selfish, I'm glad to not be the only one struggling with this decision.

Rach x

I found the guest list really hard .... This is the best piece of advice !

Thanks for the responses here, really appreciate some of the comments and as rcoo says although it might sound a bit selfish it's good to know that a few of us have similar issues and it's nice to be able to get things off my chest to people who are going through the same thing.

I think you are right when you say that it won't really matter if they aren't there, I never see them and I really can't justify inviting them purely because I feel bad. My Dad told me the other day that he wasn't invited to both of their weddings either so it makes me feel a bit better in the sense that they didn't care whether they upset their own Brother or not.

Now onto the seating plan...haha xx

If you've not seen them for years and they don't do anything with you then don't, I did this- my mum wanted her brother whom I've never received a birthday card from, never spoken to him apart from a family funeral and said no I don't want him there-

like ftlomb said you only want people who love you and that ARE a part of your lives there to celebrate your big day- my list was quite easy- oh wanted his whole family there I wanted more friends than family to share the actual day but did invite them to the night do (can you invite said aunties to evening do instead to keep peace)-- good luck