how do you deal with disappointment?

I am also crap at it. I pretend I am ok and then don the internal boxing gloves and go 10 rounds with myself.

I'm exactly the same!

?s for the disappointments.

Aww ?

I have to say that, post CBT, I'm soooooo much better at not beating myself up. Hence the need/wish to act like a brat ?

Meh. S'OK. Both things could still come good, just not the way I wanted them to [stamps foot][stiff bodied tantrum]

I don't know - there's different degrees of disappointment, I guess, so different ways of dealing.

Generally I take a "if it was meant to be..." approach, which seems to do the job.

I'm generally content with my lot, and I think this may help. H's workload leaves me disappointed frequently - it means to lots of cancelled arrangements, last minute unexpected international travel (literally going into work in morning, coming home an hour later to pack a bag, in the air 2 hours later), lack of weektime social life while I stay in with the kiddies etc etc. But if I didn't just shrug 99% of the time about it, what would we do? It's his job, and without it, we wouldn't be where we are.

Sorry, that was a bit of a derailment, but in terms of day-to-day disappointment, this is where my main source lies, and there's my coping mechanism. Shrugging.

Me too - just the same. Except when it's other people's disappointment, then I'm maddeningly bracing.

? bracing. I think that's what I need. Someone to say "oh, do buck up, Layabout!" like in an Angela Brazil school story ?

Or like Ma in the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. "For shame, Layabout - a great girl like you!"

I just hide in a corner and cry for three days, not helpful I know, but I'm a naturally optimistic person with incredibly bad luck, 'que cera, cera' becomes my default. Why do you ask PL?

Brave face in front of people then full on sobs when I can, raging "It's not fair" toddler styleeee tantrums. There is one thing in particular I will hear about over the next few months that I am dreading being disappointed over it - it will be a huge, life changing disaster if it doesn't go my way ?

Another one who's much better at dealing with other people's disappointment.

Badly. I deal with disappointment badly - I just pretend I didn't care in the first place.?

Shameful, really.

I think it's probably rather healthier to have a tantrum or a crying fit and admit what you really feel.

? for whatever's made you feel bad anyway.

I box it up and put it to the back of my mind and then it makes a re-appearance when I'm drunk. It's not pretty.

I'm getting better at Zen like acceptanceas I get older*. But disappointment for/ on behalf of my children causes great distress, tears etc (viz Father Christmas thread on BT on Saturday). That's hard.

*like my yoga teacher tonight, flying into Mumbai tomorrow: "If it's my time to die, it's my time".....

I always thought that when I was grown up I'd be better at this stuff but every time I get that hot eyed, raspy throated, blushing feeling that comes just before I cry.

I try to do the "it wasn't meant to be" line but I'm a bit too passive-aggressive

I've had many disappointments in my time. But because of the disappointments better things have come after them which have made me realise that things really do happen for a reason.

I put on a brave face and in private, I sulk like a toddler. ? I am also annoyingly bracing with others' disappointments.

I always expect the worst, and then anything better than that is a bonus.

I also never put myself in a situation where I can be disapopinted that much, thereby denying myself the opportunity of possibly doing fantastic things that could go wrong. Scaredy cat.

I'm hopeless at dealing with other people's disappointment. Like when someone is running to the bus stop to try and catch the bus, and the bus driver pulls away before they get there? This is me: [:'(].

Not very well at all, I think I am showing a brave face but it's obvious to people that I'm gutted.

Oh I hate that. I once saw an old lady getting onto a bus - it took about ten minutes as she was so slow on her feet. She then realised it was the wrong bus and had to get off again ?

I cry. no point trying not to, because i always do in the end so it's better just to have a good old weep and get it over and done with.

i find it much easier to move on after that.

I eat chocolate...

I strop like a 2 yr old till i feel better lmao

Me too. A good old cry then I can accept it, and figure that it wasn't meant to be. I think my approach is fairly healthy.

R's a sulker, and gets very down. Drives me mad, I'm not terribly good at sympathy ?

wss, a good old cry and stamping of feet then I feel better and move on.

I think a good cry and a tantrum is probably the best way forward. Admitting that I'm properly naffed off and upset, then waiting for the next good thing to come along, because it will. So, who wants to join me in a completely unreasonable, stiff-bodied-feet-drumming tantrum, followed by howling and sobbing?

All together now:

"IT'S NOT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!" ?

I am not good. It depends on the situation/what's at stake, but I don't "shrug off" easily. I seethe/strop/plot n plan *delete as applicable* I rarely "accept" easily. Even if I appear "gracious" on the exterior, you can bet that in my head and heart mutiny is going on!

WSS ?

To quote one of my favourite lines from Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland): "She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)."

I'm pretty much the same. I also take it very VERY personally, even in the face of objective justication for what has happened. However, I do recover very quickly indeed because I am the master of self deception and will tell myself that I didn't want the opportunity anyway. So, initially I'm a nightmare, then it's que sera sera.

My heart breaks for those close to me however, and I tend to plot grisly murrrrrders on their behalf.