How do you feel about this? Would you be mad?

Personally, I agree with your way of thinking.

My parents are contributing a bit more to the wedding than his, but ONLY because they are inviting a lot more people. (1/3 of the total numbers of guests in the evening are theirs.) If you're only spending £3000 total, and not even asking your OH's family for any money, what business is it of theirs how much your parents put in?! They should butt out in my opinion!

It is sad if his mum is 'disappointed'... but at the end of the day it is YOUR wedding, NOT her wedding. She's had her wedding.

If they want the whole big shebang then they should pay for it (if you allow them to). To be entirely honest I am gobsmacked that anyone would criticise how much your parents have (generously!) given you.

I agree with you and think that their attitude is awful! If you really want to go away to get hitched, tell your MIL to **** off, cheeky cow!

I think your OH and his family are being completely unreasonable.

I think in this day and age if you get married you have to be preapred to pay the whole cost yourself (regardless of whether it is £3k or £20k) and then if you get any contributions towards that you are really lucky.

My parents are paying for half of our wedding but I was not expecting to them and would never have asked them to. It is what they wanted to contribute. But if they hadn't contributed anything we would have happily paid the total cost ourselves.

I think the tradition of the brides parents paying for everything is extremely outdated.

Although you could throw this tradition at them - I didn't realise but a colleague whose son got married recently told me that the grooms family are supposed to pay for all the booze!

Ok - you asked for honesty so....

I think they are being terrible. Its one thing to think but be saying it? Blimey! Did your OH propose on the understanding your paretns would pay? My parents are not paying for anything but they are buuying us a present. My OH's parents have offered and we said no as it was our choice to get married, we could have just stayed how we were so it's up to us to pay for it.

Not everyone can afford to splash the cash. OH's parents are likely to put alot in the honeymoon fund so I've heard, but mine wont be able to and I cant imagine anyone will really care. TBH my mum has been helping me out so much in picing things, giving her opinion and is also helping me put together all the decorations for the day - in my mind that type of support - the emotional kind is absolutely priceless!

I think they are traditionally supposed to pay for the cars and honeymoon as well?

To be honest I agree with you completely and I think that your future mother-in-law has absolutely no right whatsover in commenting on what your wedding should or shouldn't be without actually contributing towards it.

When me and my OH got engaged and started wedding planning we did it on the understanding that we would pay for everything ourselves without any contribution and whatever contribution we did get from family it was an unexpected bonus - NOT an expectation. It's wrong to think that because you're getting married that it should be the parents of either side of the relationship that have to pay.

You're getting married because you're adults and are starting your family - its your responsibility and to have the attitude of your OH and his family that your parents should have forked out more is slightly mercinary in my opinion. I feel that £1,000 is a hell of a lot of money to some people and very hard to come by so it's therefore an extremely generous gift - not 'peanuts'.

I'm sorry if I've been quite forthright with my opinions but I really feel that, particularly with weddings, people can become quite selfish and lose perspective on money and what it's worth - which is shown by comments by your OH's family.

Really hope you stick up for yourself. Congratulations on your baby and I hope everything works out for the best with the wedding plans!

How rude are they?! You don't have an excessive budget, are prepared to pay for it yourself and I quite frankly don't see what their problem is?

My mum has paid for my dress and tog as a present, my dad has contributed nothing, as have OH's parents! We fully expected to pay for the whole wedding ourselves and have budgeted accordingly.

Firstly congrats on baby!

secondly, i think both your OH and inlaws are being totally disrespectful! my mom is not financially in a position to contribute but has asked to buy my tiara which is really a lot of money relative to whar she has, where as my MIL wants to give us £2k towards it. my moms small amount means more to me than the bigger number! it's not about the actualy amount, it's about the relativity to their financial state!

I would say for them to stop thinking how many noughts are on the cheque but more about the fact they are helping in the way they can with the amount they can!

too many people impose their old fashioned ideas and these days the bride and groom pay for most themselves!

Tell them all to get a grip and that you have enough going on without stressing over "my donation is bigger than theirs"

other than that ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I think its really rude on your OH and your future parents inlaw to speak of your family like that. As you said, they are not made of money but wanted to contribute - and thats so lovely. And actually, when youve set a budget of £3000.00, including your parents contribution - they are actually paying a third of your wedding.

Weddings really do bring out the worst in some people!

Honestly? If your OH is being rude about your parent's contribution do you really want to marry him? And be saddled with MIL like that?

OK I know you really do want to marry him, but in your situation, if I really wanted to get married I'd elope.

If you'r parents can't contribute then you have to figure out how to make it work - I think they're being quite generous. Your MIL2B can't insist they pay for anything - there's no law on who pays!

Not to be the voice of doom and gloom but if my OH said anything so insulting about my family I'd be inclined to call the whole thing off!!!

I think MiL is way out of line, its not her wedding it's yours. If she wants to talk tradition then traditionally it's the groom's parents job to turn up on the day, smile, and give you a decent wedding present, not make judgments on your parents!

Having said that there's no point in starting married life on the wrong foot, especially with a baby on the way, and getting into a big argument with them. I think the fact that your parents are paying for a third of your wedding is very kind, and only you, not MiL, knows your parent's financial situation. Is it possible that the in laws are just letting off steam becasue everything is happening very quickly, with the exciting news of the baby?

My parents are very kindly paying for our venue, which is about half our budget, but they have a lot of "compulsory invites", but I can easily live with that as it has not stopped us from inviting who we want there.

Personally I dont recommend you show this thread to him, as guys generally hate the thought the thought of girlies gossiping together, but we know it's a necessity to keep our sanity.

I think you need to have a proper conversation with OH about this (hard if he's away, I know) and then both stick to the golden rule of not slagging off the in-laws to each other,as that will only cause unnecessary hurt, which you may regret in your future life together.

I agree with you! My OT's parents are giving us £5,000 towards our wedding which we are very very greatful for!! I'm not sure how much my parents are giving but it probably wont be as much as that. But this is my second wedding and my parents paid for my last wedding in full so i would not expect them to pay much this time. not that i expected them to pay last time lol. but my mum helps us out on a regular basis regularly taking us out for lunch, cooking dinner for us, giving us £20 almost every week. she also does the lotto for us and give us anything we win. also she saves £2 coins and gives it to us toward something we want like a holiday or now our wedding. she also took us on holiday last year so we're very lucky to have such great parents!!

I think you're right to be upset. That's completely out of line for them to expect your parents to pay for the whole thing, especially when they're pushing you towards paying out more money than you want for their idea of a "proper" wedding. If you were asking them to make a contribution as well then *maybe* (and I do mean maybe) they'd have a right to say something about it but otherwise they need to mind their own business.

As for your H2B referring to it as "peanuts", if that's his attitude towards money then I would have thought he'd jump at the chance to prove what a great provider he can be for his bride-to-be and unborn child by paying the rest. ?

Gosh, how rude are they?!

I'm assuming that if they're so old fashioned to assume that your parents ought to fund your wedding, they'll be giving their son a hard time for a)sleeping with a woman who he's not married to and b)potentially having a baby out of wedlock?! What a ridiculously old fashioned attitude for them to hold.

That said, regardless of their views, it has nothing to do with them. You both carry on as you are. You're grateful for your parents contribution and want to get married. You've made a plan to do so within your budget. It would be easy to get into a slanging match with them but that won't be conducive, especially with a baby on the way. My advice? Take the moral high ground. Next time she says anything, just say (with as big a smile as you can muster) 'thank you for your views. We do not share them and would ask that you keep them to yourself' and then change the subject.

They'll soon get the hint. You don't need to retaliate or escalate the situation. Good luck, m'dear! Just promise us you'll raise your baby with better manners than your MIL!

I missed that point that your OH thinks that too! Cheeky fvcker! If I were you I'd have swapped him for a newer model!

Firstly congrats on the baby news!

Secondly - I agree with all previous hitchers. Rude, Rude, Rude!!

Our wedding is being paid for, ourselves! H2B father and step mum have offered to give us £500 for which we are grateful for. H2B grand-parents have also offered to give us £100.

The rest, we are paying for ourselves, which we have always said would happen from the start!

Hope u get it sorted! xx

My parents are contributing £4k and we are putting the rest to it. OH Mum is giving us £500 as a wedding present, but not towards the wedding, not sure about his Dad.

Having said that, my Dad gave £4k towards my brother's wedding too. It's really old fashioned to expect the bride's parents to stump up for everything!!! Has he asked for a Dowry too?

My dad and mum separated when I was a baby so he isn't even aware that I am gettign married. My mum has had a hard few years and doesn't have money to spare. My OH parents have both passed away.

In short, we are paying for our own wedding, every penny. Closer to the time my gran or mum might have something specific that they feel strongly about buying, something small such as the tiara or veil, and that's fine. I feel very proud that at 22 I can afford to finance my own wedding, it gives me a great sense of acheivement. (Not that I'm dissing anyone who's parents are helping out or even financing the whole thing - it's lovely that they are in a position to do so)

We're having a honeymoon fund rather than a traditional gift list; but we don't expect our honeymoon paid for us, we will be saving up the full balance if the honeymoon so any gift donations are a bonus really.

HTH x

I agree with you ! I think their attitude is appalling !

What century are they all living in? Thats riddiculous! I'd be so p*ssed off if that was my OH and MIL!

I dont have anything else to add to what the others have said but reading that made me angry!

The same thing ran through my mind!

I think it's lovely that your parents have contributed something towards the wedding! If my OH's parents said such a thing about my family, I'd like to think he would tell them himself that they were being rude and would never tell me that they had said such a thing!

WOW THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REPLIES!! So basically it is a very old fashioned attitude to have, and nobody really takes notice of that nowadays. Good because i think it is totally wrong. Feel like im banging my head against a brick wall!!!! xx

Honestly? I think your OH and his parents are very rude and insenstive to yourself and the wedding.

In persuming your parents should pay for the whole wedding is not even tradional anyway, it is the 21st centrury, am sure that your OH didn't propose to you and say, oh we will get married but only if your parents pay for everything..

If your OH and his parents think you should get married the Tradional way - show them the following, that shows a) it is NOT just the brides parents that pay, b) they need to put money where their mouths are!

The Bride:-

Wedding gift for Groom (in this case I would sooo skip this!!)

Wedding ring for Groom

Bridemaid's dresses

Gifts for attendants

Hen Party

The Bride's family:-

Reception

Wedding gift for newlyweds

Bride's dress

Invitations, announcements and postage

Rental of church

Bridemaid's bouquet

Flowers for church/reception

Transport

The Groom:-

Wedding gift for Bride

Bride's rings

Banns, Wedding License, Certificate of Marriage

Gifts for Best Man and ushers

Bridal bouquet

Buttonholes for all men in wedding party

Mothers corsages

Morning suits

The Grooms Family

Honeymoon

Stag party

Wedding clothes

Travelling expenses and hotel bills

Wedding gift for the newlyweds

Shipment of wedding gifts to new home

Personally, I would show them the above list and tell them to put up money themselves and 2 weeks all inclusive in the Med would be very nice thankyou! Grrr if they want to stick with tradional and if not, button it!

I would also be having very strong words with OH!!!!

Love it! Absolutely love it!