How do you go about actually leaving someone?

I dont have any real advice i'm afraid but your husband is a git for calling you 'fat n ugly'.....what sort of man does that???? I can understand how angry you must feel, how fed up you must feel....who else can you talk to/go to? parents?? I'd certainly have a go at him for saying those horrible things.......you dont need to put up with that sort of crap. Stressed at his work or not, he should not be saying these things to you!

get shot of him, defo! but i cant advise how.....

Actually....I would just tell him to leave. Pack some of his stuff and tell him to go....... if anything, it will make him question the situation and you can point it all out to him there n then......

could you do that?? xx

You are suffering from abuse, mental abuse. He's calling you names and you feel you need to stay because you have nowhere to go? You are unhappy and the children are unhappy.

Please understand that you have options...not lots but enough. Contact your local Womans Aid. If its the last thing you do... And please dont pack and leave. You have children. Make him pack and leave. You dont deserve to be treated like this and nor do your children need to witness it. It takes a long time to get someone out of your life...but in the meantime, you and your children deserve to live in relative peace.

Again, dont leave. If you can convince a family court that you have suffered abuse in the past week, then you will get an emergency order, So the next time he does something/says something - thats your grounds... xxx

My heart goes out to you and you WILL laugh at how silly you were one day <hug>

Hi there just read your story and my heart goes out to you. Your husband from what you describe is happening is mentally abusing you and it's being done in front of your children which isn't good for them especially seeing how upset this is making you. If he stressed at work then he needs some help himself maybe this is causing a knock on effect on him hence taking it out on you. Is he at all depressed, has financial worries etc this can affect people in many different ways - though I'm not defending him at all for the awful comments he has made and treated you. You have rights to stay in the matrimonial home and I would certainly suggest that you stay there and ask your husband to leave. You will be entitled to some help with the aid of benefits but saying that your husband may well have to give you children and spousal maintenance as he is working and your benefits will be worked out on this basis. Do you own your house together? Should you decide to divorce (i hope not and that you manage to get things sorted) because you have two very young children the Court will consider their welfare and may make an order for you to remain in the matrimonial home until the children are older ie 16 or that you co-habit with another for more than 12 months, re-marry etc. Your husband depending on his income will be required to support you and the children as well as pay the mortgage. If you do want to leave the home, Women's Aid is a good place to start. Council's are not particularly helpful if you already own a home as you're not technically homeless. For your husband if he becomes difficult then you can seek a non-molestation and an occupation order (these are orders made by the court on application by you to protect you from any further domestic abuse and remaining in the family home without your husband). Even if you chose to move out - you can still obtain an occupation order but its best if he goes so the children aren't moved from familiar surroundings.

I hope that you get sorted. Wishing you the best.

Videogal x

Or, you could sit him down and talk through your concerns, like adults, maybe go for some counselling, or contact Relate.

I find it deeply saddening that everyone's first reaction was that you shoul grab anything not nailed down and run for the hills.

Perhaps P&P but does he sound like a man who would WANT to sit down and have a chat about his bullying behaviour and criticsms???

Just wanted to say that it is hard at first, i done it, but i put him out! Could you not get an occupation order on the house, that way he has to leave! Also, ive got 1 child and my house doesnt stay tidy long despite me never getting 5 mins to sit down

In most situations of course it's good to talk about things but you can only do that if the other person is willing and listening! It does sound as though hubby has some serious problems of his own and it is affecting the marriage. He needs to get them sorted else he does run the risk of destroying the marriage. There are two sides to every story! Everyone has ups and downs that is just a part of life but what can you do if that person won't sit down talk things through without getting angry to try and sort the matter. Relate is good for relationships that are going through a bad time both emotionally and sexually but both really need to attend for it to work properly and be a success. In this instance as we don't know the whole picture - she may well have been talking about how she's feeling, the bullying etc to her husband and this has got nowhere. It is a dreadful shame when one party believes the relationship is over. I do not set out to advise anyone to just leave taking everything that's not nailed down (unless suffering severe domestic abuse and living in fear) you don't stop and talk to the other half in that situation as its not doable. I hope the marriage gets sorted out and that H sorts his problems too but above all don't forget there are two young children to protect here as witnessing their mother being criticised, shouted at and general bullying is no good for them and it can have some impact in their later life when they're in a relationship - for them its the norm to treat a person you love like this!!!!

Your husband really does need to talk about the stress he's dealing with which he may not even be aware that he's taking it out on you at the levels you describe. It doesn't make his behaviour acceptable so please don't misunderstand me. Stress can effect someone's mental state it is an illness and one that needs help before it materilises into depression if not already done so.

Videogal