How do you have the "who's contributing what ££" conversation with parents and in laws?!!?

We are paying it all ourselves. My mum has just recently said she would buy my cake. For this is said "Thank You". If anyone else offers to pay for anything I will Thank then and make sure they know we not expecting any contributions but are very grateful.

If you are able to pay it all yourself you dont need to worry about these conversations. If people want to help financially they will tell you, if they dont offer, it doesnt matter as you are able to pay it yourself.

We didnt have a talk really when one offered the others followed, my parents offered to pay for the food, my gran helped with the centrepeices and mil offered to pay for tog it happened naturally as we were planning and when they saw how hard we were working to pay for it just offered i cant tell you how lucky we feel they did though as we couldnt have had half of what we have planned without their help x

We were talking about the reception with FMIL and she said her and FFIL would pay for the whole reception! VERY kind of them. We said we really appreciated it but would rather pay ourselves. They already help us with everything all the time and are always there for us... We couldn't take their money too! Especially as we are quite able to pay for it ourselves.

We initially assumed we'd pay for it all and not expect anything. I'm a second time bride and my parents paid for 70% of my first wedding, so I could hardly expect / ask for a penny.

As it happened, H2b's parents (his first wedding) offered some money, but didn't say what. Mine offered £2000 towards a honeymoon. H2b's eventually sent £2500 for which we were extremely grateful.

I think the way to deal with it is: expect to pay it all and budget for that. If no-one offer anything, maybe say "not sure if you wanted to help out and it's fine if we pay for it all, but if you are planning on contributing, please let us know so we can choose options accordingly"

We had originally thought we'd be paying for the whole thing ourselves. However, we were at Mum's discussing our plans and talking about the venues we were looking at etc... and she said that her and Dad had been talking and that Dad would like to give us £x towards the wedding and that she would like to buy my dress. When I went round to tell my Aunty (she's a very special Aunty, I have a few but this one is like my second Mum) , she asked if she could buy our cake. And H2B's parents really wanted us to have a band but we said we only had a limited budget for our entertainment so we couldn't have one so they said they would fund the difference between our budgeted amount and the price of the band.

We have been very lucky and not asked for anything at all but we are hugely grateful for everybody's contributions because without them our wedding wouldn't have been at our dream venue and I probably wouldn't be able to have my dream dress either.

x

I found as soon as i got engaged my mother and mil, offered straight away what they would pay for , my mum paid for my dress and my mil our reception

my nan paid for the bridesmaids dresses to x

Both parents said within a couple of weeks of being engaged so we never asked...i would presume you are paying it all yourselves unless people offer BUT if your parents hint that they will contribute a significant amount (not just a couple of hundred) then i would have the conversation and ask how much they would be willing to help with so that you can budget properly....

for example if you budget the whole thing yourself and 6 months down the line your parents say they will pay for the cake then fab you have saved a few hundred...on the other hand if you booked your venue based on what you can afford and then 6 months down the line they tell you they would like to donate a few grand then you may feel miffed that big decisions such as venue have already been made without the true budget considered if that makes sense.

it also depends on your relationship with parents...i could ask mine outright but OH's parents are more likely to respond to seeing a venue, seeing that we are struggling with cost and helping us to pay for something.

x

We're paying for it all ourselves, but a few months after we were engaged my mum offered us a something, not a big amount but enough to make me feel very grateful. My grandmother even sent me somethign in the post. So no conversation really.

We never had a talk as such. My mum just told me when we were discussing dress styles that whatever I chose, she wanted to buy my dress and I wasn't to argue. At some point I had a message via my mum from her brother and my auntie saying they wanted to pay for our cake and to get quotes for whatever we wanted and let them know. I think my mum then pointed out how dear cakes could get and suggested a cap...they offered £300, and we were to put up no arguments again! OHs family haven't mentioned anything, at least not as far as I know.

After we'd set the date my mum and dad said that they would like to buy my dress and pay for the flowers and cake. It was completely unprompted and all discussions take place between my mum and me. The men keep out of it! It will all fall into place as your planning gets underway.

This is something i wonder about too ..... We were planning to pay for the entire thing ourselves but soon after getting engaged and when we weren't even thinking about planning my Dad and Grandparents both said "we will give you X amount as that is what we gave your sister" which was very welcome and appreciated, my mum has said several times she would like to give us something but can't afford to due to her poor financial status (this is more for effect and "woe is me" than anything else i think!).... the people i'm not sure about is OH's parents, they've always said "we'll help in any way we can just let us know" and his mum has on occassion offered to put deposits for things on her credit card and us to pay her back slowly (we haven't needed to do this as yet and i don't particularly want to), i'm not sure if their offer of help relates to money or just practical help and i'm too awkward to ask, i don't expect money from them and all help is appreciated but it would be handy to know if they are intending to contribute so it can be allocated to something!

As soon as we got engaged my dad said he would pay for it. (he is traditional). But we refused as he had already helped us buy our house.

However, we are very grateful as my parents have paid half of the honeymoon and my H2B's parkers paid the other half.

My mum also said she would buy my dress and an outfit for honeymoon.

We'd been engaged for a while and never set a date because of this minor problem. We know we wouldn't be able to afford the wedding on our own when we got engaged but also couldn't expect/assume any help from anyone else.

So we waited until we thought we could afford it ourselves and set our date. Then OH's parents just said we'll give you £1000 towards the wedding and my grandma offered to make a tier of our wedding cake for us.

Then when I went dress shopping with my mum, she fell in love with my dress but the dress, veil and tiara was coming in about £150 over budget so mum has offered to pay whatever amount over my budget it ends up costing!

I think you just have to know you can afford it on your own and then if people want to contribute they'll offer it uo themselves without having to have a 'conversation'.

People just offered for us. My Parents paid for the venue and reception. MIL paid for the tog. FIL diddnt contribute (they are not together)

I would never ask though. I had planned to pay for it all myself so were very grateful for the help we were given. I paid for everything else.

Exactly this! Both sets of parents implied early on that they would contribute but didn't specify amounts and we certainly weren't expecting it to be anywhere near even half the amount. I made it clear that any contribution would be a bonus but that it wouldn't affect our choices. We weren't going to choose a more expensive venue etc just because of the money they gave, it would just relieve some of the burden on us.

With IL's, when it came to paying the deposit for the venue they offered and paid it directly. MIL still refers to that she's saving up some extra for us but we'll just see what that is as and when it arrives.

With my parents, a few months in I spoke to my Dad and basically said I know you wanted to give some money for the wedding, if you have an idea of how much or whether it's a general contribution or paying for something specific like my dress then it would be useful for me to know now so we can take that into account and involve you in what we are doing. Dad then wrote a check and said it was for general items, nothing specific. It came in a card that said there would be more to follow later but didn't say how much.

In summary, make sure you can afford everything yourself, anything else is a bonus!

Both our sets of parents wanted to pay a contribution, it started with Dad saying he would pay for the reception and my Ohs parents were left wondering how they could contribute...so we all sat down together and i asked that they both give me an amount they were happy with and me and my Oh matched it. it all went in one wedding account and that was our budget...its worked for me....

I wondered this too but its one of the first things you need to know when planning the big day - BUDGET. I decided I would start discussing things with my dad and letting him know we were looking at venues and straight away he said to me that he had had a look at finances and would contribute 3k at the beginning of next year. He then asked me to ask my mum and said its something you need to know. However I'm a bit estranged from my mum and although initially she was excited after asking her as nicely as I can, explaining that she didnt have to contribute if she didnt want to because times are hard for everyone at the moment etc etc I got a curt reply and havent heard anything since.

At the end of the day your parents can only say no, if they do maybe there is other ways they can contribute i.e helping with making invitations, planning, maybe baking a wedding cake... only I didnt get that far with my mum but that sums her up in one.

Bite the bullet and ask, whats the worst that can happen, they say they cant xx

We had been engaged a few months and started to look at venues that were in our price range we were prepared to pay for it all ourselves, then after seeing the venue which was not nice and looked very cheap my parents offered to pay for our reception at a different place. OH my parents n me then sat down and discussed different venues and budget. After that OH parents offered to give us some money as and when we needed it up to a certain amount. It paid for our TOG. We have paid for the rest ourselves.

We had planned to pay for it all, but when I'd chosen my dress (and put the deposit down), my Mum offered to pay for it. She also won't let me give her any money for the fruit cake we made and offered to pay for some of the music.

OH's parents said that they would like to sort the disco, and have also paid for my nieces' (their grandchildren) dresses and shoes. I always feel more awkward when they offer, but not sure why.

My BMs all offered to pay for their dresses also, but I have insisted on paying for the accessories (much to SIL's dismay).

We are paying for the bridal party's hotel rooms for the night as a bit of an extra thank you

I haven't asked anyone for anything but my mum and dad are putting some money towards the wedding. Nobody else has mentioned anything, so I won't be. Xx