How do you split your finances?

I earn considerably more than H2B, and am utterly gobsmacked by your OH's attitude. We pay into the joint pot in proportion. I also buy all of the food shopping, pay for meals out and holidays etc. We are a partnership and live as such.

My H2B hates his job, so at the moment I'm trying to convince him to re-evaluate what he is doing and retrain or take a break and maybe try to go commercial with his photography. We have no children (nor likely to have any) and will be comfortable on my income. I love what I do even though it's hard and often stressful, and I am very good at it. I want my good fortune (?) to be shared with my life partner!

I can see it from your side & your OH side too - both are valid arguments.

We set up a joint account before we moved into together and we both contribute equally to our household bills. I'm the higher earner and I pay all the running costs for our car as I use it for work and I pay more in savings. We both kept our own accounts & transfer a lump sum covering most the house stuff into the joint account- which works really well for us at the moment

Whilst I would want access to my own money, I share your view that once you get married your finances for the most part become joint.

personal question but do you or are you planning on kids in the future? Because from your OH's arguments what happens when you have children surely as the higher earner he would expect to shoulder the majority of the household costs then if say you were on maternity leave or cut back on hours?

My H earns almost double what I do so he pays for more food shopping than me, and also pays if we go out to eat or get takeaway, and sometimes for coffee. He owns the car so pays for all the associated costs of that, although he doesn't drive me to work, just things like food shopping and visiting my parents. Everything else we split equally - we have our own bank accounts, he pays for council tax, electric etc and then I transfer him half. I think that's pretty fair. He's known from the beginning of our relationship that I don't earn much and I told him that I would probably need a little help financially here and there, so I guess we set the precedent from the start.

As it stands for us at the moment, I don't work so my only income is child-related - tax credits, child benefit and child support from my ex. So my income is considerably less than H's.

He pays the mortgage and all the household bills. I put fuel in the car and get all the food shopping. So our outgoings match our incomes.

Once I've finished my degree and am working full time, which hopefully will happen in the next couple of years, we will be looking to change the arrangement and, finally, set up a joint account. For the moment, it doesn't make sense so we haven't done it.

I think your partner's attitude is wrong, but I can understand his point of view - however, it seems misguided.

One thing I would say - whatever you decide, it must be sorted before you get married. Beginning marriage with financial issues is not a great idea - it's such a fundamental thing, but have a think and see if there are any compromises you can make x

Since my oh is self employed none of his income is guaranteed so all bills come out of my account so they get paid! We can't afford to have our own money but if one of us wants something and we can afford it then it gets bought. Shopping and other day to day expenses come out of whoevers account has money in it. It works for us, we do most things together and don't really have seperate social lives so no problems there.

We worked out how much all our bills and living expenses were, set up a joint account where all bills and living expenses come out of and we pay in a proportional amount of our income so we have exactly the same amount of spending money left over at the end. That way it's fair, but we can also buy whatever treats we want or treat each other. We also try to put an equal amount in our savings account each month.

Personally I think when you're married who earns more is irrelevant - you're there to support each other for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. You're not just housemates, you're partners. Like Flora said, if you went on maternity leave or one of you became sick or disabled one of you would have to financially support the other. I earn more than H, but I don't believe that our worth, contribution to the relationship or how hard we work is tied up in how much we earn. I also think I would feel bloody awful if I could afford to go out all the time and buy lots of nice things but H couldn't.

In my opinion if you live together / married then you should have it all in 1 account. I think your husband to be is being greedy, why would he not want to share his money with you. My husband earns 8 times more than me as he has a very good job, he would never dream of saying anything about splitting money.....you work so you are contributing plus what about the things you bring to the household for instance a nice meal on the table every night, washing his clothes.....it's about being a team whether 1 person works or you both do. Show him this thread!!! ))

We split proportionately. She earns a huge chunk more than me, she puts £200 more than me in to the joint account and has £200 more disposable income (her personal bills are a lot higher than mine).

I feel a little sad for you that your future husband is asking why he should support you .. er, because the two of you are family now?

I would understand if you were sat on your arse all day, but I assume you're working hard!?

We started off by having a proportionate split but as soon as we found out our eldest was coming along we just chucked it all in one account. We now share everything and don't use our personal accounts at all

Thank you so much ladies for your rapid responses. It's good to know I'm not being ridiculous!

We haven't yet decided if we want to have children, but I am definitely becoming more interested in the idea... The other issue about sick leave is especially relevant to me - I'm in the process of deciding whether to get genetic testing for a rare neuro disorder that my mum has. In the most basic terms I have a 1 in 4 chance of developing the same disorder which would probably put me in a wheelchair at some point in the future. That wouldn't necessarily affect my ability to translate while sitting at my laptop, but I've seen how badly it affects my mum with fatigue, so I could well be limited to a couple of hours of work a day.

I wanted to say "What about if/when we have kids? What if I get ill? Will we still pay for everything 50/50 then?", but knew it would erupt into a fight, so came upstairs to do some work and calm down for a bit first.

I feel quite sad for you arpee as it sounds like you can't talk to your OH in case you end up fighting. Do you really want a marriage like that? I would get this sorted before you get Wed Xx

We have a joint account that we set up for our food bills, all the household bills were already coming out of my account so we've left it like that for now and he pays me for those. We do plan to shift them to the joint account now that we're married though. We pay roughly half each (not 100% sure until we move all the bills) but I own the car and pay all the associated costs (and drive him everywhere! Haha) I also save a lot more than he does, I paid for almost all of the wedding myself and will put more into our next house than he does. I think that's the fairest way, if he earned more than me I think I'd be disgusted if he wanted to spunk it all without me!

We earn about the same each. Well he earns a couple of thousand more a year but spends that on his season ticket on the train into work. So far we have kept our own accounts but this may change as we did open a joint account for the Mr & Mrs cheques from the wedding. He pays the mortgage and for the telephone and Internet. I pay the utility bills, TV licence, council tax, most groceries during the week (we take in turns at weekends) and the mortgage overpayment. It works out about the same but that's because we earn about the same. There is a chance he may get a permanent lecturer job and we'll have to move. In that case, he'll pay more!

We split as much as we can - and a lot of that is down to my sense of pride. H and I have similar incomes (if anything mine is slightly higher) from our work, but we entered the relationship with vastly different assets - he had a property that he owned outright and several financial investments which mean he has a good second income stream as well as reasonable capital, I on the other hand had a near empty bank account and a massive student debt.

I fully expect to pay my own way, but I also acknowledge that sometimes I simply can't - for example there's no way I could buy half of our home off H to make us 'equal partners' there.

Our earnings go into separate bank accounts, we each pay the same amount into the joint account weekly and use that to cover all our household bills, food etc - the essentials. When we were working out what sum to pay in, we also factored in a buffer sum that would allow us to cover any unforseen expenses, or to allow us to treat ourselves.

We have an understanding between us that we won't be in debt to each other, so if we want something such as new furniture, a holiday, concert/theatre tickets etc and there isn't enough surplus in the joint account then H has to wait till I've saved up enough to be able to match his share. If he doesn't want to wait, that's his call but the no debt rule means that he understands that he's paying for it.

We are currently moving house and although legally it's in joint names I am totally aware that it's his money that's buying the house. All the moving expenses are being divided right down the line though.

It's important for me to do it this way, as I always want to pay my way. I like having my own money as I want to know when I spend money on luxury items (new shoes, or a hair-cut) that I'm spending money I've earned, not sponging off H. I should point out that most of these 'rules' are my doing - H would like us to have one single joint account and split everything down the middle. Somehow to me that would feel like stealing.

However if we were to have kids my attitude would change - not because suddenly he'd 'owe me' anything, but just because naturally my earning capacity would be reduced, and I'd have to rely on him financially. Being financially dependent on anyone other than myself scares the crap out of me!

Oh yeah, I own our flat too! Haha, see how much that bothers me? I forget about it! I bought it before we started living together and he moved in 6 months later. He insisted on splitting the bills equally but obviously as I said in pp I save more etc.

Me and OH split everything 50/50. However as i earn more, i pay the car tax and tv liscence and most of the food shopping (while he pays nursery - overall works out cheaper for him). We will always tend to do 50/50 no matter what our pay is like. of course if he lost his job i would carry him through without expecting anything back.

He doesnt get left with much disposable income, so if we want to go to a concert i will just buy the tickets, so we can still have a life :-)

perhaps tell your OH that if you have to go 50/50, he will have to cough up for your date nights and adventures :-)

We used to earn the same and it was split 50/50. Then he started his own business therefore earning more and I got pregnant, we still did 50/50 but his extra money went into a savings account to pay the mortgage for the year I was on Mat leave.

Now I am back part time most things are 50/50 except the biggest bill which is nursery (he pays 600 and I pay 200) and he also pays for our holidays and any other big things for the house. He also saves more than me. We are saving for a trip to Oz which he puts a lot into too.

Back when we got together 10 years ago then we used to go 50/50. His income increased faster than mine and l went back to university to re-train which meant that he was earning about 8 times more than me. Around this time we argued an intervals about money as l didn't think it was fair that literally every penny l earned from my bursary and part time work were eaten up by bills. Whereas he had lots of surplus income and wasn't working anywhere near as much as l was. He came round to my way of thinking and was more supportive. Around this time l was discussing this with my friend and l said isn't a proportional way of people contributing fairer which she disagreed about but l don't see what's unfair about that? These days we both get paid into our own accounts and then transfer a lump sum into the joint account to cover the mortgage, bills and savings. Typically he puts more in, he earns a fair bit more than me and once he is completely qualified will probably earn double what l do. If we have children then we will probably revert to one big pot of money as l will be on maternity leave etc.

Ours is very straightforward. We earn exactly the same amount so split everything 50/50. We don't have a joint account though, H does all the sums and I just transfer an amount at the start of the month to him which covers everything including joint savings. Whatever I'm left with is mine to do as I wish. I normally put a bit into my personal savings.

If we're planning a holiday then H will up the amount I have to pay each month over several months, this way I hardly even notice the money going out and hey presto- the holiday is paid for with no struggle.

If we were to have children and I took extended maternity with reduced pay, then there is absolutely no doubt H would pay the lions share.

We both earn around the same amount so we do 50/50 at the moment. The difference is that OH has savings and he also got a nice redundancy payout last year which we're using for a house deposit this year and I have pretty much no savings at all! We set up a joint account when we moved in together so our rent and household bills all comes out of that and we each have our own personal accounts for our own bills and everything else.

Arpee I think your OH is being a bit unreasonable. You're a partnership and that means supporting each other no matter what. I hope you manage to get it sorted.

All our money goes into our joint account and we just use it for everything, we don't have seperate pots of money, we just take what we jointly earn and spend it as we wish. We do have seperate accounts as well, oh is transferring some to his a month to save for his stag do. We also put a chunck into savings every month.

Arpee, I can't understand your oh point of view at all. What does he want all this spare money to spend on? If we have spare cash it mostly goes on us both going out, both going on holiday or buying things for the house.

We used to keep a spreadsheet and try to split stuff evenly, now we have a joint account into which we each pay the same proportion (~60%) of our salary. All the household/car bills are paid by DD from that account, and we also use it for any shopping or expenses which are joint or work-related (we used to pay our own work expenses until he realised I was spending ~£2k a year more than him). The rest of our money is ours to do whatever we like with, though a lot of it ends up in various savings accounts for our deposit fund at the moment!

We used to earn similar amounts and pay in the same amount, but he has taken a salary cut in his new job (moving outside London) so now pays in slightly less.

I have a similar situation to you - my OH earns almost double what I do. Up until very recently we paid the same amount into our joint account, he has just started paying £200 more into it but it's still not proportionate.

We're the opposite to you though, I was feeling like I didn't like the idea of him having to pay more than me, I preferred that everything was done equally. So he was the one being insistent on paying more.

Like ID, he will often pay for things when we're out, so he probably spends more on us than I do, but for bills, food shopping etc we pay equally.

Although, while I almost see things from your OH's point of view but in reverse positions, I do think once we are married things will probably end up being all in one account. We will probably be similar to Peanut where we both have the same amount of spending money each.

OP - your H2B's attitude towards finances is exactly the same as my ex H's. He thought that everything should be 50/50, but considering he earned about 8k a year more than me, I found it a struggle and constantly had to rely on him for money.

With OH, it's different. I earn more than him and he has to pay extortionate amounts of maintenance to his ex. It's also technically my house (rent) so all bills are in my name and he pays me a percentage a month. I think we split bills 60/40ish and both still have our own cash.

He's heading towards a promotion which will take his pay nearer to mine, but I am looking to move to the NHS which means I will take a drop, and the balance will shift.

We barely ever discuss money as it's not an issue in this relationship.

We treat our money as one pot so the one that earns more pays in more. Simples! at the moment i'm earning more that's likely to change in the future.

I think your OH's attitude is off to be honest. You're getting married which makes you a team. Doesn't sound like good teamwork to me to count the pennies like that.

I would seriously consider trying to resolve these questions before you get married. It's quite fundamental. If you have a totally different outlook on this it's worth coming to a compromise now rather than getting married and then one of you always feels resentful and trapped.

Same goes for the kiddies. If you want them you need to discuss that with OH and he needs to realise that you might be at home on maternity leave and will need his support both emotionally and financially. It wont work splitting things 50/50 in that scenario.

To be brutally honest, i think he's being a dick.

I think he's being very unreasonable. What happens when you go on holiday for example? Do you split it 50/50?

We've been through so much money wise, redundancy, 50% pay cuts, extortionate travel costs, 2nd jobs that we are now quite relaxed about it.

We now pay exactly the same into joint account for bills and joint savings. Previously I've paid more because I earned more, now we earn about the same. It's certainly never caused issues.

Now he has slightly more disposible income so tends to pay for dinners/lunches out. In the past I had more so I used to pay for them.

When I go off on maternity leave I don't know what we'll do. We do need to sort that out!

I'm concerned that your H2B doesn't want to pay for you...

I've never understood it when couples see "his and hers" money and not "their" money. When you enter a serious relationship, or certainly at the point of marriage, you become a family unit.

My FH doesn't work -sort of freelance like yourself but doesn't have a finished product to offer currently therefore no income. I support the both of us on my wage, and we comfortably put a few hundred away each month towards the car, insurance, wedding, days out and holidays.

I have never seen it as my money, it's ours, and has been since the get go. When we first got together I gave him £5 for petrol every time he came to see me, then a few years later he would pay my train fare to see him because at the time, the other of us couldn't afford it. It's not about owing, or being equal. For us, it's about being able to be together and do things together no matter who actually earns the money in the first place.

When FH does earn some money, we'll probably get a joint account and put everything in there together, but at the moment my account is basically the only account and therefore the proverbial joint account!

We had further discussions last night in bed (not conducive to a good night's sleep...) and again this morning before he left for work. He again mentioned the idea that I should earn more money, hinted at me getting a new job. I told him that I would consider getting a part-time job in a pub to help save for the wedding, but I wouldn't be changing the day job that I love. He said he couldn't understand that. I said I couldn't understand why he was refusing to support me, us as a family unit - what would happen if we had a baby? "Exactly!" he said, giving me the impression that he wants me to save up so I can continue to contribute 50% when I'm not working... We agreed to talk about it rationally when he gets home...

I earn enough to pay my half of the rent and the bills, but not much else, so I don't have much available to spend on a holiday or a new bed (he wants a new bed, which is where this conversation started). He said something along the lines of "but don't you want to go on holiday at some point in your life?", which got me thinking: I would rather earn just enough to get by and have a job that makes me happy for 52 weeks of the year, than have a job I don't really enjoy, earn twice as much and spend the extra money on being happy on holiday for four weeks a year.

He has always said it doesn't matter what job I do and what my earnings are, as long as I can pay the bills. Now it seems that's not strictly true, and actually he would like it if I earnt more so that we can afford to do more stuff. But it's always him that wants to do the stuff, I'm not that bothered (yes it would be a nice luxury but it's not on my list of priorities), but he still expects me to contribute 50%.

Someone asked what he spends all his extra money on - a chunk of it goes into his savings account that he's had since he was in his teens and he buys occasional stuff like camera bits, going shooting, nothing huge.

I definitely want to get this sorted asap, and absolutely before the wedding (August 2016). At the moment my opinion is that if he's not prepared to pool our finances and operative as a collective unit, then I'm not going to marry him. It's not about the money (I'm no gold-digger), it's about the lack of mutual support.

This is what my ex said to me, and is one of the many reason's I'm divorced at 29... His answer was for me to get a new job.

I used to be of the ilk that we should keep separate accounts. I loved my independence. However, we wanted to buy a property together as an investment so we went and saw a mortgage broker. She told me point blank that we needed to merge everything together into one account and stop splitting stuff because wealthy couples work better together. Their cash works better together, too. I had never thought of it that way.

We merged our accounts.

This was re-enforced when we went to a marriage counselling course (required by the Anglican church). We were on the same page in basically everything. We also learned that we worked as a family unit - including financially.

Honestly, there are lots of ways to manage finances. However, a marriage is not about "his" and "hers" - it's about "ours". So, his attitude is odd. Perhaps go on a marriage counselling course asap to work through these issues.

Good for you. I imagine it's incredibly hard to even think that, but you have to be a team, and sometimes that means give and take. You need to have the deep conversations now, such as what would happen if you were to have children, and you mention rent, is there a plan for a mortgage at some point? If he's saving I assume he'll be able to put down a deposit, but will he expect you to put in half to that too? Or will he put the mortgage in his name so you have no claim over the house? I agree that people should try and put into a relationship equally, but in reality we can't all just go and get ourselves a better paid job! Your contributions will just be different, particularly if you have children.

Just to play devils advocate ... how much are you working? I only ask because a friend of mine got in to a relationship with someone who is self employed in an area she's passionate about. Work is slow coming in, she's not working very much and is really struggling with debts - my friend is really supportive, but also really feeling the pressure.

I'm all for trying to make your own business work, if you can afford to invest the time in trying to build it. If you have bills (or anything you want in life) you can't afford to keep up with, then you have to make sacrifices and perhaps devote only half your time to making your business work, the other half working in a job that will guarantee income so that you can support yourself. I guess the exception to this is if your partner has volunteered to support your persuits (usually because they can afford to?)

I'm saying all of this with no knowledge what so ever about your trade, or how successful your business is or any prior agreements between you and your partner .. I think you ought to get to the bottom of his thoughts on the matter - is he really just a selfish hoarder of his money, or is he feeling a bit like the effort isn't 50/50? If it's the latter, then you should explore why he feels like that together.

Either way, I think the overriding message from all the comments above, is that you are supposed to be working on this together as a team.

Goof luck

Auntie SW