How does this Sound?

Have you really and truely thought about this??? I think the letter is really good and gets everything off your chest but maybe you should leave off this last bit and see what his response is - he might see it clearer and come to terms with it better once he reads it in black and white and see that he is being a bit stuborn and unreasonable.

Thank you this is why I love hitched, I am not really sure what else to put or if I should put it?. Because I do not what to think I suppose it still so really raw. At present h2b is still angry and does not wish for him to attend our wedding if and when it goes ahead. He will never speak to him again. He has said to me it is up to me, if I see him. But my dad will have to come here not just me going up there as it is nearly a 2 hour drive all the time.

Completely agree with Shoegal. Give him a chance to respond before you make a decision like that, he's had time to cool off and this letter will probably make him realise how much hurt he's causing.

Maybe you could add on to the end. "All I ask for is one day of you being civil to one another and remembering this is about me and h2b, not about anyone else? I have done my best (and probably more) to make sure one person is not included more than the other but you are still causing me heartache" Just a suggestion...

Also, I'd just keep re-reading it and adding and amending before you send it. Sometimes just looking at it again makes you realise you could word something a little differently to make it come across better? (I'm having to do this as we speak about a 'friend' of mine who, when drunk last week, decided she would interfere in my relationship and tell me where I was "going wrong". She was completely wrong by the way and has a very inaccurate impression of my relationship apparently! Sorry, just p'd off about it so thought I'd add it on!)

Good luck with it

If i were in your posititon i would send the letter as it is WITHOUT the last bit about him not being invited and then see what his response is.

If his response is still negative after you have clearly explained your reasons then i think you have every right not to want him at your wedding

As you said it is still extreamly raw and i dont think you should send that bit based on that and then forever regret it.

Your H2B is still angry and if your Dads response after reading the letter is possitive then maybe he will reconsider.

I think give your Dad one last chance to see your feelings and decisisons there in black adn white and await his response.

HTH

x

I would suggest that you park sending this letter for now - come back to it next week, see how you feel, and if you feel the same you can send it then.

sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment and are difficult to come back from (e.g. you telling your dad not to come)

Thank you, I am not ready to send it yet. I am waiting to see if he contacts me in anyway or form. Not sleeping because of it , was thinking about it and I know my dad will more than likely send a letter to me, saying I have hurt him or more like h2b. Because he has told him he is not welcome and the wedding is cancelled on the phone on Wednesday night. I was thinking of the things he would say and how I could answer them. Thought I would grab 5 minutes here at work and type some notes. Then it acutally turned into how I feel and the actual letter. But it is there ready when it is required.

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i would suggest sending it BEFORE your dad sends you something - that way you get to say everything you want to say BEFORE he has put in his two pennies worth (if thats the correct saying)

Maybe insted of asking him not to come, you could leave the decision up to him. Someting along the lines of "You're my dad and I want you there, but only if you can accept my choices and can be civil to everyone involved. If this is something you feel you can't manage, then I think it's best for all involved if you don't come"

Not a good situation to be in!

You might want to edit the letter a bit - its long and like how you would say things out loud, but might not make the important points clearly enough. You refer to the walking down the aisle bit a few times which is a bit confusing.

I would write a list of the really important issues eg you are upset, explanation of who is walking you down the aisle, thanks for money but your and H2B wedding day so your decisions, and then try to cover everything relating to each of them in a short paragraph.

It should be easy to make sure you say everything you want to in relation to each thing then and you will also be able to order the points in terms of what is most important to you. Hopefully then your Dad might get what's upsetting you most.

Also I would change the last bit to saying you feel like you don't want him there rather than asking him not to come.

Good luck (we're also having Dad issues (H2B's Dad) - not as bad as yours tho).

Thanks again ladies, h2b is emailing him later. Have said I want to send a letter to him, he said he thinks it would be better to speak to him. Will show him the letter to see what he thinks. I agree on removing last sentences or rewording them.

I feel better for getting it written down in a letter format though to my dad. To have think about sending it now

Will let you know how I get on

x

I think your letter is fine the way it is but agree with everyone else that you should take out the last paragraph, although CBear's idea could be an option but would still take out the bit about you asking him not to come, that choice should be his.

I would read over your letter again just to make sure you have got YOUR point across, everything you wanted to say down on paper and post it. I wouldn't wait until you get a letter from your dad because he will more than likely say a lot more in his letter that you will want to answer getting away from your points IYKWIM.

IMHO I don't think you should wait before sending this letter as this has been going on for a while and your dad, sadly, just doesn't seem to be getting the message.

See what your h2b says after he reads if, maybe that will help you make up your mind.

Thanks Ladies,

Sorry in my my later response was at a wedding on Saturday. When I got home on Friday night h2b wanted to email my dad, to which I said I had done a letter. H2b drafted an email together, telling my how he does not like me being dictated to and he should stand back and let me be an adult etc. We did not want to take his money as it felt more like a bribe. I scanned over it and added in how I felt, and how it was upsetting me he would not respect my decission etc. It was quite long, but felt better putting it down in black & white. We finally sent it around 1am Friday/Saturday morning.

Sadly at present my dad has made no attempt to contact me, but h2b did put I was very upset and would contact him when I was ready. Before the email was even sent I accepted my dad to make some form of contact to see how I was? With the impending changes to the wedding? But then again, is this just the dad I expect from what I know. All self?

Feeling a little better now, no tears yesterday only a few before my cousins wedding on Saturday.

Sorry babling now, thanks again

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