How far would you go to ensure your OH is happy

I would do exactly the same as you and I'm sure that my H would do the same for me.

I think I'd move home, particularly if it made my own journey to work easier. But then my husband and I don't have any ties to the area where we live now.

So Im not totally mad then?! lol

No question, of course. You are a partnership, a unit. Glad you're making him feel nice with your support. Hope it all works out. xx

Good point, we dont have any ties to where we live either, as its nowhere near where either of us are from. Perhaps thats why it makes the decision easier

I'd move. It makes sense.

Well my husband has moved across the country twice for me, and out of the country once, and I am staying here rather than moving home for him. If he was really unhappy at work I would do pretty much anything to help him find a job where he was happy (safe in the knowledge that he would never ask me to do anything that would make me unhappy).

I would do the same, and i am sure my H would for me too. If one of you is unhappy, surely by default it makes the other unhappy too. Therefore if a move/change of job whatever, could stop that, i would willingly do it

I've done exactly that. H was unhappy in his job at Newcastle upon Tyne and it got onto the grapevine that he wouldn't be against moving. He was then headhunted for a job at Birmingham and we moved. I had great friends and a fabulous job but I've always put his career first and always will - and it paid off. We moved here five years ago, he was promoted again last year - and that would never have happened had we stayed put.

OK, so I downsized from a brand new three bed semi with an ensuite, downstairs loo, garage and garden on three sides to a two up two down end terrace on a busy road (no garage, no parking) but them's the breaks! ?

wEYs...it's horrendous to be unhappy at work, since you spend most of your time there.

Good luck xxx

Before i agreed to move i want her to exhaust the possibilities with work first. i wouldnt just agree to move because she was unhappy at work.

plus, in the current climate, you may not get what you want/need from your house sale anyway,a nd thats even if it does sell at all. further, the risk you run is that if you both emotionally detach from your current house, and it wont sell, he still has to go to work anyway, and may slip into depression again if he cant see a way forward. i dont think its as straightforward as saying "lets move" tbh - sorry.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I guess I needed someone to validate my decision and ensure Im not bonkers.

The thought of selling our place and moving terrifies me, but I think if that's whats needed then it's something we have to definately consider doing.

Yes, and I did.

Second attempt as it didn't work first time...

i moved 2 1/2 hours from my job, family and friends for my husband. i'd move anywhere in the world to make him happy.

Before we had children I would have moved pretty much anywhere for my husband. Now that we have the children though, I really wouldn't move house unless it was an absolute last resort. I never had a permanent home as a child and so my husband has always known that it is something I am determined to provide for our children.

I would do lots of other things for him though [struggles to think of an example]

The only reason we live where we do is H's job (though we also happen to like it here too), so I suppose yes. But in line with what Nick said, I can't imagine a situation in which the answer would simply be to move home.

We are more likely to reach a sort of reverse situation, especially in the current climate - H (investment banker) could lose his job and have little chance of finding another soon, so we would have to move away as I don't earn enough on my own to sustain the life we have here. I'm sure that would make him extremely unhappy (for a while anyway), but there is little either of us could do about that.

Is your husband certain that moving jobs (whether that involved moving home or not) would solve everything that's wrong?

I would definitely move for my husband in that situation, no question.

Nick, good point. I realise its not straight forward and who knows it might take years for our place to sell etc etc. But Im just looking into the possibilities for now. There might be other ways around the situation that we have yet to think of, but Im totally open to whatever is possible. Its a huge thing to undertake I know and it might not be the solution. Theres a lot more thinking to do.

Bombay, another good point, He has been un happy where he is for a while and it seems to be getting worse as time goes on. A job move would probably be the only way out. However I know theres probably more to it than he has let on so far, so I need to glean some more info from him. I just wish he was a talkative type rather than a thinking-keep-it-to-himself type

I'd move it was really the only way to solve things - if one of you is really unhappy then it affects you both. We will probably be moving in the next eighteen months anyway to make things easier for Mr K to get a job when he finishes uni.

I live with my MiL in Liverpool, 230 miles from everyone else I love in the world to keep mine (reasonably) happy. ?

To an extent yes I'd move to help him out - at the moment he's more than likely to lose his job so we're looking at ways for him to keep some work. Most likely it'll mean him working away a few days a week so we're looking into how we can make that better for him whilst I still carry on working

Marriage is a partnership and it sounds as if its something that works for both of you

I moved here because it was a great job oportunity for H. It was made considerably easier in that I did fancy living here and I was unhappy with work and looking for a change anyhow.

I'd make sure all other options had been exhusted and that you'd throught the plan through properly but I think what you're considering is perfectly reasonable

If I felt that my H was not telling me the full story I would want to know everything first IYSWIM, I have moved for H's job in the past more than once (but not because he was unhappy). I'd consider moving yes but we would have to try other options first. Does that make me selfish I wonder?

Yes, I'd move to make my husband happy. However, I wouldn't discount my own happiness in the equation (after all, my husband won't be happy if I'm miserable) and I'd be mindful of other factors (such as whether it's a good time to be changing jobs). I wouldn't simply go along with anything, especially if I didn't feel he was being completely open.

I wouldn't do something that made me as unhappy as I'd just unmade him... that (to me) is being a doormat! However, I have moved to a whole new area to fit in with his life, to the (current) detriment of mine. It wasn't just to be nice to him though - it was practical (his job less portable, he lives near family, I would be taking time off for breeding anyway). The end result though, is I have no friends within 3 hours drive, and have to commute to work on a weekly basis - so no chance to build a life here. I have in my view, given up rather a lot to be with him in terms of location - my social life, ability to work locally, probably future career prospects when I do get a job here, and simply being in an area I'd never choose. Tbh, it was just as well that there was only one practical solution - because had it been 50/50, I'd have resented moving 'for him', I think.

Hmmm - I don't sound terribly happy, do I?! I am a lot happier about it than I sound, honest!

Sounds like you made the right move - doing it for his health, not just his happiness. And it doesn't sound all that bad for you. Lucky him! I hope he's in a better work situation and happier soon.

I would but I would also, like Nick, expect my H to have exhausted all possibilities in his present working environment before such a big decision. I would have concerns that if everytime a problem arose in the future that the person would expect to move rather than dealing with the problem head on. But you know your H, better than we do.

Before we had children i would have possibly moved anywhere to make him happy.Now i would still but, only if i thought the childen would be as equally happy where ever we moved to.I also prob wouldn't move somewhere where i was going to be as unhappy as him.

It is tricky because how many times do you move to make him happy.What happens if you move and then he's unhappy in the next job.move again?Surely there must be another way round it than moving.

I definitely would as long as it was possible with my job too (which it sounds like it would be with your job). If it wasn't possible with my job, I'd still look at th alternatives.

When me and my H moved in together, he moved from London to Wales to be with me. He left all his friends and family to build our life together. Luckily, he could keep his job and just transfer to being based permamently at home rather than in the office in London. If he couldn't have done this then I would have probably moved down to London to be with him, as it would be easier for me to get a job there than him a job with similar pay here (we're both in IT too).

So yup, I would do the same as you. Even though my family are here, I'm not massively close to them so it wouldn't be a wrench leaving them. It was probably harder for MrPK to leave his parents and brother, who he is close to.

Our house is currently on the market so my H who is deeply miserable in his job can move however our house isn't shifting.

My OH has moved for me, we've moved from Edinburgh to Northern Ireland so I can start my own business. I hated my old job and OH moved so we could have a better quality of life.

Yes I have moved 3 times becuase of my husband and I would to the other side of the world in a heart beat if the need arose.