how long into your relationship were you before you met the inlaws?

I met my FIL's the morning after I met my OH ?

Now however, they live 2 hours away from us and we rarely see them. My OH's Mum phones him every week but we probably only see them twice a year. I like it that way and my OH doesn't mind either.

I think it's strange that they haven't made the effort to come and meet you but they may have their reasons?!

Hiya, In laws can be a nightmare - I met my future mother in law about six months in but and as she only lives 40 mins away we see her maybe once a month or so but since we've got engaged she's getting to be a bit of a nightmare - isn't interetsed in coming to wedding fairs or being involved in any planning but keeps on saying who we should and shouldn't invite. H2B is taking her side and just agreeing with her. AGHHHH.

I guess all you can do is just not involve them at all in the planning or take control of the situation and if your fiance isn't able to bring it up perhaps you could...is a tough one - good luck

xxx

:o)

To be honest, I don't think we would object to seeing them a couple of times a year either, that would probably be about right and is about the same amount of time we see my mum (I'm constantly on the phone to her though as we are more like best friends).

MMm, if that is the case I hope its not something I don't know about!

How long have you been with your h2b?

I met mine I think about 10 months in, but in my defence they lived about four hours drive away! Until we moved nearer last year we saw them maybe three times a year, now it's probably once every couple of months.

If it's a real issue for you, could you actually invite them down to see you rather than waiting for them to make the first move? Ring them with a date and see what they say. Does it bother your OH that he sees them so little?

I can not remember now, we have been together so long - I would guess at about 6 months

We have been together for just over 3 years.

He says he doesn't want to broach the subject as has only started speaking to them properly in the last 2 years (I think that's just an excuse).

We have tried suggesting they come up but they say yes, we must arrange something then nothing more is said. I said it during a text conversation a few months back that we meet up, my text was last in conversation.

Tried saying that Easter would have been a good time to meet up which was again ignored so figured I was just going to stop suggesting it as every time my advances get ignored I get more and more wound up.

OH is bothered and annoyed they aren't interested but then just clams up and goes on the defensive about it. Men!!!

We had been together about 8 months before I met his parents and he met my mum. Then another couple of months before he met my dad & stepmum.

His parents live 10 minutes away and we see them about once every 3 to 6 weeks. My mum lives in Italy so we see her maybe 3 or 4 times a year. My main bone of contention is that my dad lives in Manchester (where I am from) and in the 10 years I have lived in London has never been to visit me. In that time he has been to visit his mum who lives the other side of London and not told me! I'm a lot less upset / annoyed about this than I used to be - he never went to visit my sister either when she lived out of Manchester - I just think they are very set in their ways etc. As I still have friends in Manchester I used to go up there about once every 2 months but this has dwindled to 3 to 4 times a year now and mainly tied in with when I go to visit my friends.

None of the parents have met each other but my mum has mentioned getting together with OH's parents before the wedding next time she is in the UK. I am planning on holding a welcome buffet thing in a pub function room the night before the wedding aimed at the families meeting each other if they haven't already.

I guess the key thing I learnt from my relationship with my dad is that you just have to accept some things and make peace with them.

OH met my parents roughly the same day we got together. He came round to my house to do 'homework' (teenage A Level romance...) I met his parents about two weeks later, on pancake day actually. His mum made me flip pancakes for the first time ever.

Our parents met crossing doorsteps etc and we had a bit of a formal meet when we had our engagement party.

I do have a few issues with PIL. His dad is very interfereing, has to be in everything. Caused a huge row between me and mr delcious a few weeks ago as his dad got involved in our money investments. His mum is very attatched. She is getting better at letting mr delicious be his own person though.

In some ways i would count yourself lucky that you dont have to deal with them. Although i would find it upsetting that they dont seem to want to meet you. And i would be very upset on behalf of your H2B. All i can suggest is you suggest they visit at the next bank holiday?

I met them about a month in, when they called round to see him and i was there.

I saw them once a week or so when they popped in for a tea at his place on a sunday. However, i was pregnant by this point and he didnt know how to tell them, so i used to have to put on a massive jumper and curl up in a corner so they wouldnt notice.

We finally told them when i was 7 months pregnant. Saw alot of them after that!!

I understand how you feel about your inlaws. Why dont you officially invite them round for sunday lunch or something like that? Then guage it on if they accept.

Hi there, Amee,

I think that you have made a telling point in this post. You mention that your fiance has only started speaking to his parents in the last couple of years. I'm presuming that before that they were estranged? It takes a long time for people to get over something like that. It is possible that they are trying to take things slowly. I'm not sure who was at fault, but it is possible that they simply don't feel very close to their son at the moment.

Also what I would say is that a text message is not the best way of arranging to meet them. That's fine for meeting a mate down the pub, but it seems to me that this needs to be sorted out if not face to face then at least over the phone.

I think you said that they live 2 to 3 hours drive away. That's actually quite a drive for someone, particularly if the meeting is only going to last a couple of hours. Is there anywhere you can meet between the two of you? Is there a town with a central station possibly? So you can figuratively and literally meet them half way?

Lastly, I think that this all needs to come from your fiance. He needs to make the first move. Don't push him too much. He might end up feeling as though he's caught in the middle.

I hope you can get this sorted out.

I think Iain and I had been together about 4 months from memory when I met his parents.

Ali x

We got engaged after 3 months of meeting each other, so i met them just after that.

I met my in laws after about three months. All went brilliantly, except for when we first arrived and I was just being introduced, and the family dog ran up to me and stuck his nose in my crotch ? Was mortified.

We see them about once a month, they're only about an hours drive away and we all get on great. OH met my parents about 6 months in, we don't see them as often, but ony because they live down south so we can't just pop over for the day (about 3.5 hours drive)

I think I met his on our 4 date which would have been about 6 weeks, early days hard to meet up as he had major work comitments. They where OK, just apologised for the mess due to grandchildren. Then I was invited for a barbie que as his sisters to meet them all proper that was hard from memorary. But went OK, we are actually closer to my mum and step dad than his parents but probley see his more together. The are about 16 miles away mine are about 5 miles away, I see my mum every day as go for my lunch from work. H2b met them about the same sort of time 5 - 6 weeks or so. He did not meet my dad and step mother till the xmas so around 4 months. They live nearly 2 hours away so we did go up about twice a year. But this is a factor of us falling out the other week!

x

I didn't meet H2B's parents until around a year into our relationship! Probably would have met them sooner but they live 5 hours away! H2B and i have been together about 5 years now and i've met his parents around 10 times!

Thanks for all your replies! Apologies for the delay in answering some questions that were raised. Been in and out of meetings all day.

H2B didn't keep in touch with his family for a long time, never really found out why, was just told that they weren't a close family. Mother is not with his biological dad and his brothers are all to his stepdad so I don't know if it were a case of him not feeling as if he belonged once the new arrivals came along or if something happened, I guess I'll never really know.

I have tried phone calls but the conversation is usually brief as I'm always catching them when they are doing something/can't talk etc. I have basically left them to their own devises of late as I realise that not all families are close like mine (having said that, we do have our moments when I wish this weren't the case!!) :o)

I think I am going to take the very wise advice of leaving it up to my OH to sort out. I've made my feelings perfectly clear and will just have to wait and see what happens from here on.

Would try and suggest next bank holiday but we are actually doing something for the wedding... we are finally going to be looking at venues!! ?

If he does do something about the situation I will probably be back on here in a few months time moaning about too much contact!!

I met my mil2b "accidentally" about 1 month into our relationship, she lives in London and comes and stays for a few months every so often (lover her to bits so no complaints here ? ), we were on our way out somewhere and she was coming back from the shop.

h2b met my parents about 3 days in, again "accidentally", they were in bed and he was calling over so I was heading downstairs to open the door and my mum asked what was wrong, shouldn't of said anything cos they both got up, got dressed and ended up sitting downstairs till he came...couldn't get rid of them quick enough ?

I say accidentally cos I thought it was too early for all that but 12 years in it must of worked out ok ?

As for your h2b and his family, do you have any room for them to stay with you?, you could invite them down for dinner some weekend and it could be a good way to get things back on track between your h2b and his parents.