How much help have you had?

Good question!

My BMs have been great at organising my hen do, and one of them has also made all of our invites (it's what she does for a living, but she's done our order at cost of materials only). The other one has already booked the day before off work to help us set up, & I think my sister & BIL (he's also an usher) will be doing the same.

My dad is making the wooden boxes our centrepieces will sit in, & the frame of our table plan. H2B's dad is making our cake, and his mum sewed some sparkles on my niece's dress. We have asked most people for their help, although all of them seemed happy that they were asked.

My friend from USA is a florist, and is coming over & doing the flowers too - but that was agreed years ago when we met in Italy, about 5 years before I met my H2B actually! ? Her partner will be helping us set up the day before whilst she's at our house doing the flowers.

My sister has offered her house for us all to get ready in, as it's about 3 miles from the ceremony venue, & I've had a couple of offers of lifts for me & the BMs, so all in all I'm feeling pretty lucky.

Everything in terms of organisation though I've pretty much ploughed on by myself, which to date hasn't been an issue.

Hope you get some offers of help soon Lucy!

I really only got help for the hen do because I asked, but when I asked 2 of my bridesmaids to organise it, it wasn't a burden for them and one was genuinely excited to do it. Me and my husband wanted as little help as possible because in short and blunt terms, we didn't want anyone's opinion changing our views on things we wanted, ie a throwaway comment on our invites that we thought we loved, now not sure.

However for the set up my husband and my bridesman did this the day before and the morning, and as he was staying with us did help us massively in the final 2 weeks, silly things like filling the confetti bags, and helping us staple our order of services, etc. My mum took over for us while we went abroad for his mum's funeral so I'd say when we needed unexpected help we had plenty. I just didn't want to ask because I was the first one to get married and I assumed they'd find it all really boring.

Depends on your personalities really, I get why you'd feel let down, as especially in films it's always portrayed as lot of girls having fun and in 20 mins everything's done, but if you're also happy doing it all the way you and your OH want it without outside interference then don't worry.

I did most of the planning/crafting on my own apart from my big sister who made nearly 200 metres of bunting and took me to dress appointments.

Our wedding was very very diy and the 3 days running up and on the day it was manic. My bridal party and a couple of friends helped us set up and do everything on the day but everything took a lot longer then we thought it would.

I found the people who I asked to help were amazing but we had 7 people with 2 cars insist that they wanted to help set up and drive everything back and forth not turn up which really delayed getting things done. Also on the day everything took longer then expected to get done but luckily my sister is very confident and basically gave people jobs to do.

I'd say if you need help ask for it, people won't mind at all and if anything there actually waiting to be asked and add lot more time then you think you need if possible

I also have four months to go... and I'm starting to panic! So far I have done everything- arranged every appointment, booked every supplier, made every last tiny bit of all my DIY projects, written every list...

Our venue will set up all our tables and decorations for us on the day but as yet no plans have been made about getting everything there, though I'm sure OH and my Mum will help with that.

Other than shopping for her dress my MOH has done nothing- but she does have five kids and lives an hour away.

I'm not too bothered to be honest... nearer the time I will engage my inner bridezilla and force my OH to help with filling favour boxes and doing the table plan etc - those 'last week/last minute' things are what I'm most stressed about- but what doesn't get done will probably only be missed by me!

I've done all the planning, researching and booking by myself. I did consult my OH before making decisions but he hasn't looked into stuff himself.

One of my BMs has been more interested than the others although two of them have organised my hen do. I think she will be my most helpful person on the day. I haven't really asked anyone for help yet, I'm a bit of a control freak and like to do things myself. Also I didn't want other people's opinions making me more indecisive than I already am! But I will be giving my BMs some jobs for the day though

I logged on to ask this exact question! i have not had much help, we are having a traditional wedding in June and the "western white" wedding next year march and i am beginning to panic about the june one because it seems like everything is falling on me. with work, baby on the way i am very stressed and am trying to manage everything but i honestly expected my close friends/MOH and BM to help or offer help or even ask how we are getting on but they havent! at this point i am wondering if i need BM and MOH and if we should just go to the registry and do it there!

I have done everything myself! I have designed and made my own save the dates, wedding invites, table centrepieces, name cards, table deigns, table favours, booked everything from the cake to the photobooth, and created a sweet cart with jars etc, ordered the decorations and flowers, bought bridesmaid dresses.....brides dress and accessories! So....everything! Part of me wanted help but part of me knew I'd complain if someone did something wrong!!

It's different for each bride I think!!!

I have 2 and a half months to go and I'm shattered!!

You'll be great, ask for help if you want it! Don't hold back!

Good Luck!!!! :-)

Personally speaking I don't think it's right to ask or expect anyone else to help out. It's mine and my partner's choice to get married so it's up to us to organise it. It might be important to us but everyone else has other things going on their lives so it's not fair to expect them to give up their precious free time for our wedding.

I've had no help. My OH is not interested, I am organising my own hen night, tried on wedding dresses on my own as everybody is to be busy and have planned the whole wedding event myself :-( Makes you realise just who you have and have not got when it really matters.....

Oh my goodness! Your last sentence makes it sound like you are dying or something much more dramatic than just getting married :-) Yes, our weddings are important to us but not really very important at all to other people in our lives. Think more brides need to understand that. It's just the way it is. I actually think it's quite selfish to expect others to give up their time to help me in something I have made the choice to do (not their choice but mine and my partner's choice)

And yet, it wasn't selfish of them to expect the same from us when they were getting married...

Of course it was. That's my whole point. No one should ask or expect others to help in their wedding day. I've done everything for myself by myself my whole life and would never dream of expecting someone else to give up their time for me.

Thanks for all your thoughts, everyone

It's always comforting to be reminded that there is no one 'right' way to do a wedding, and every couple has to deal with different dynamics and expectations. That's nice in a way, otherwise every wedding would be the same and going to them would quickly get very boring!

The hardest thing for us is having no family. There's nobody to get excited for us, and all our friends have children to look after. We're keeping the plans for the day as simple as possible, so that we can take care of everything between the two of us and my bridesmaid. But there will be some things I just won't be able to do in a wedding dress, like moving tables and things, so hopefully some guests will take pity on us and offer some help, otherwise I'll have to tuck my train in my knickers and just get on with it! I think the moral of this story is that a little bit of kindness and support is always very much appreciated by brides, no matter how small.

We had limited help. My aunt-in-law did the cake, and the venue set everything up. My brother-in-law and cousin-in-law designed the program and playlist (Spotify). The help was offered.

My bridesmaids helped pick out their dresses and just had to show up with nice black shoes.

We designed and agreed on the invitations, etc., and agreed on the reading, venue, etc. My husband did some DIY table pieces that I liked in-store but he thought he could do cheaper. He did it very well and it was cheaper.

We are all extremely blessed and lucky enough to have found our one true love and to be marrying them and getting to spend the rest of our lives with them. Is that not enough without expecting everyone else in our lives to run about after us on the run up to our wedding and on the day?
Some people are never lucky enough to find their one true love or get even close to what we all have. To be that lucky then expect everyone else to run about after us on the run up to our wedding and on the day is a bit much in my opinion.

HappyBlueCars582, is nobody helping you at all on your wedding day? Nobody giving out orders of service, or sitting with the groom, or herding people for photographs, or announcing ‘dinner is served’ etc.?

Nope. Wouldn't dream of asking anyone to do anything for us. We're having a secret registry office wedding just the 2 of us with 2 witnesses from the registry office late afternoon. Inviting family for a meal straight afterwards but not telling them until the meal that we got married :-) That way there is no pressure on anyone to buy new outfits, get hair done, nails done, make up done, buy presents, do speeches or do anything really! They just turn up for a lovely meal paid for by us. Neither my partner or I like a fuss or being the centre of attention. Neither of us particularly like weddings and all the things associated with them. Neither of our families particularly like weddings either. I would feel awful asking my dad to do a speech and put him through the stress of that plus my partner is quite quiet too and I would hate for him to feel stressed out about a speech as well. This way we get to do it our way which suits us and the ones we love. I would genuinely feel bad asking anyone to do anything for us and our wedding. As I said before it's our choice to get married so it's up to us to organise it all.

I think if you're having a small ceremony and meal like HappyBlueCars582 then it is unlikely people would help/need to help much. We're having a larger wedding than this (66 day 150 total evening) and a few people have offered so far, be it in helping me source things, to doing our flowers, to designing our invites. We haven't 'expected' anyone to help us but we're very grateful of each offer.

I think it is important to remember our weddings are more exciting and important to us than the are to anyone else, and whilst it's all we think about (well for me anyway) other people have lots on. I have 5 bridesmaids but not of them have done a huge amount but to be honest I'm a bit of a control freak. I hope on the day and on the week before everyone helps. Hope you get a bit more help too Lucyjo, but you might need to ask for it xxx

The most help I had was from my OH. We dealt with everything together and it was probably a 50:50 split. A lot of people were surprised at how involved he was and some more traditional women from my work kept saying he shouldn't be having anything to do with the wedding, I should do it all and he should plan the honeymoon! But we did everything as a team so I didn't feel alone. The only thing he wasn't involved in was my dress and veil - he helped me choose my shoes though!

We had some help here and there from a few of my relatives and my bridesmaid.

Thanks guys. This forum's so good for reminding you that you're not alone amid all the craziness. Weirdy internet hugs all round! Wow StarCRM, your OH sounds super helpful! ?

I never wanted a traditional wedding, my mum always wanted me to have a traditional wedding, my OH and I just wanted to have an awesome celebration with family and friends. We hate hotels so I knew I would have to do a lot myself, my mum had been so against all of it from the beginning because they didn't want me to do a DIY wedding for varying reasons. So we started off with very little support at all, then we had a huge budget issue where we just couldn't afford the wedding at all, let alone anything like we wanted. So I told my mum we can't afford to have a wedding with lots of people, we're done, just him, me, witnesses and done we'll be married. She wasn't happy at all, started to tell me to give it time and we'd sort the money out somehow, it was important to me to have people I care about there on the day, the emotional support was all I needed, just to keep going. In the end we found a way to recreate some budget and now we're planning again, I just needed a cheerleader.

We all need something different to help us through, it's not always about physical help :-)

We have asked people for help where we know their talents lie. Our friend in Scotland is a wedding photographer and is coming down to shoot our event for 1/3 of the price of anyone in London. My grandparents were florists so if I decide to have a bouquet (I don't really like flowers) they will do it, OH's Nan was a baker/decorator and is doing our cake. OH's mum is very good at needle work and is embroidering our favours (blankets). OH's dad is making our table numbers from cast iron (he's an engineer). My mum, OH & I made our save the dates and mum will be helping me make invites and table plan too. Another old friend of mine is a hairdresser and doing my hair on the day.

My CB is planning my hen do as my MOH lives abroad now. Both have been on the other end of the phone for support and both have come to look at the dress and discuss alterations.

I think we are getting a lot of help but we have asked each person that we wanted to help. I think it's a case of don't ask don't get. It would be nice to have offers but if you need help then just ask for it. If you get a lot of no's back then of course you are justified in feeling let down.