how to choose head bridesmaid if your first (and only) choice is unsuitable/unavailable

Why do you need one?

Why not ask someone to get involved with the wedding but explain that you are just going to have your daughter as bridesmaid. Say you want this new person to help and be part of the planning but you've decided to stick with just having the kids involved on the day

Because at my first wedding I was not allowed one, kind of want the head bridesmaid to help out ect

People can help out without being 'head bridesmaid' though. The most helpful person in the run-up to my wedding wasn't a bridesmaid at all, although she was an usherette and did a reading for us. For some people 'bridesmaid' is a ceremonial role and the person I am talking about understood why I had to have the people I did and why I didn't want any more (I had 4 as it was), it didn't stop her helping me as she is my friend.

Well I have been chief bridesmaid twice - once at 13 and once at 15 if that makes you feel better? No one batted an eyelid.

I think people will think it more odd if you had some random just for the sake of it than if you had your daughter.

It's really just a title though - it doesn't really matter if you have someone called 'chef bridesmaid' or not, especially if there is no one obvious for the job.

Lily's 4 in December but thank you for your advice, I think I just panicked a bit when this came up, bit of a stressy bride to be tbh x

Ah yes, that is a bit young.

In your situation I wouldn't have one just for the sake of it. I'm sure if you need help with anything family will pitch in.

Can you bridesmaid not make your new date then?

No, it's more of a case of she doesn't want to be involved with me at all, long story short - I only really see my mum, her partner and 2 of my brothers now, sister has decided she doesnt want to know any of us anymore :,(

Well that's a shame but at least the people at your wedding will be those that actually want to be there.

Is there anything in particular you envisage needed help with, more than what your mum could help with I mean?

Could you have a 'bride's man and have one of your brothers?

Mainly the hen party, gifts ect, mum is going to be a bride again soon so didn't want to ask for too much help, me and my h2b are managing most of it, we just wanted someone who could help as soon as we needed help rather than feeling like we couldn't ask, if you know what I mean?

Brothers are 6 years old and 7 months old, so kind of the same as the daughter situation, but something I would have considered

I take it you don't have any girl friends that would fit the bill?

Our wedding is literally mums, dads and siblings and children (ours and theirs) and tbh I'm not very close with oh's sisters

Ahh right. Well to be honest I think you'll manage without a chief bridesmaid then.

I really didn't ask mine to do anything apart from plan my hen anyway but she only planned one of them - I handled the other one just fine.

Thank you for helping me understand, I am a huge stresser, and your advice has been invaluable x