How to get familys involved in the planning

Most family members won't be interested til nearer the time but I am shocked about your mum! How hurtful to you!!! I'd give her a piece of my mind!! Its not just some generic party dress you're looking for, this is your wedding dress. How is she not falling over backwards to help you choose?! I'd sod them all off and do your own thing! Its their loss!

Thanks hayley, I was quite shocked...its not as if Ive been trying on loads and at dress shops every weekend, ive tried on 3 dresses.....in 1 shop a few weeks ago and she just sat there saying 'yeah thats nice' to all of them, I found it quite hurtful, and I know they will be the first to comment if they dont like something, just feel like not doing anything for a few weeks and getting this wedding off my brain

im tempted to tell OH were eloping in 6 weeks.........

Quite honestly give yourself a break stop worrying about what others think and both you and your OH sit down and have a chat about whats important to you and you alone then work from that with regards to your dress its great to try them on but with over a yr left you run the risk of commiting yourself to a dress you love at the time but may change your mind and be stuck with it by all means try on different styles see what suits you and most of all have fun then if i were you i would wait until just after the year mark to actually order, my dress was supposed to take just over 6 months to come in but i actually picked it up last week yay and i still love it luckily and i only ordered then and there because there was a risk of it being discontinued and the lead time being even longer have a think about colours what sorts of bm dresses you want if any and buy little things now and then, your family seem to be giving you a lot of gip at the moment but hopefully as it gets closer they will come round, would you and oh rather go away to get married or do you feel that way because of how others are making you feel? and what have your friends said xx

We keep toying with the idea of going away to get married, but deposits for stuff has been paid and families would go mad, im not going to order my dress yet, id just like opinions from someone else as its different to looking in a mirror and deciding for yourself.

im just avoiding the issue with anyone from either familys till after the 1 year mark and then see how they are, just seems to be a lot of trouble and moaning from both sides, im just going to go myself on saturday to try dresses and see if we can go it alone and do all the planning ourselves and jsut not involve anyone else

Sorry to hear your getting no help from people! I get help when i dont want it, and no help when i do want it! Hehe.

I had the opposite with my mum, I took my sister in law to be and mother in law to be on my first trip out looking at wedding dresses and ended up finding 'The one' in the second shop i went in, much to my mums upset as she feels she's missed out! I kinda feel like i've missed out abit in a way in not going to loads of different shops trying on multiple dresses!

Hey I hope it helps but my mum was a bit like that about going shopping with me for my dress. She rolled her eyes at the thought!! I actually said to her (a little shortly) well if you dont want to come forget it!! It actually turned out that she just didnt like the idea of traulling round shops (she hadnt been dress shopping before!! Hers was made for her by my Nan . She actually loved it and now is really into the planning. I also brought her a mother of the bride book as a joke but it helped with what she was 'supposed' to do!!!

Im going to mention tomorrow about going on saturday and see if she wants to go, if she doesnt im not going to bother asking again, its upsetting now, i thought more than any one else my mum would be intestested, gah oh well, im pushing the wedding to that back for a bit all this wedding planning and stress is making me ill and tired

I agree with Hayleymay. 12 months will here in no time but to everyone else it's a year away..... IYNWIM I can understand you being upset about about your mom. My mom couldn't come to my wedding but we have got used to her not attending stuff due to the relationship that she is in. Chin up Hun, , , xx

The wedding ceremony is absolutely about the Bride and Groom, no one else. The reception/ party after is a little more for the family.My sister went with the big wedding that my parents paid for; and my mom dominated the whole miserable experience. It caused the mother of all wars between my family and my BIL's family.

Great thread! Also my favorite view.

You sound very hurt by your mums reaction and I think I would be feeling the same too.

Have you got any really close girlfriends? I took 2 of mine( also my BM) with me on my first shopping trip and it was a really nice girly day out. I then asked my mum if she wanted to come with me when I'd pretty much decided what I wanted. That way she didn't have to be dragged around all the shops, but she was still a part of it.

Yeah im really quite hurt about it really, normally things like this i just think 'meh sod em' but im actually hurt

i have a few close friends but i wanted to share it with my mum and i pretty much know the dress i want is in this shop and i know im not going to be hunting around loads of shops, but shes just not interested, ive given up on the idea of her coming now and im going alone

Aw, that's really sad, I'd grab the person who you are closest to and take them with you! and don't forget your camera!

I know you ideally wanted to take your mum with you, which I understand. If she isn't interested though, wouldn't it make it easier to have one of your friends there with you? My friends were so excited when I asked them to come, it made me more excited! Maybe it'll help cheer you up a bit?