How to include my Dad who is no longer with us ?

I lost my dad almost 10 years ago and it is still going to be very hard for me and my mum on the day.

my 2 brothers are giving me away and my godfather is giving a speach. he gave one at my 21st in which he talked about how proud my dad would have been of me which led to pretty much everyone in tears and me blubbing!

he is going to mention my dad (& OH's who also is not with us anymore) but nothing too emotional!

i have a locket with his photos in that i am thinking of attaching to my bouquet. also he was a massive Frank SInatra fan and so we are going to leave the ceremony top "Got the world on a string"

there is a fine line between making sure he is mentioned/involved and causing you and your mum being a blubbering wreck but i am sure you will beable to find the right thing to do to remember him!

Have been pondering the same thing. My dad died when i was a baby in tragic circumstances, so, even though it has been a long while, it is still causing some teary moments for my mum - already...

I think we will use his sword (he was in the Fleet Air Arm - Navy) to cut our cake with. I will also put a picture of him on the bouquet of my handle. And my uncle (who is married to my dad's sister - and grew up with him) is giving me away. We will also prob have a hymn from my parents wedding in our service too. And will go and put my bouquet on his grave the following day... It still doesnt feel enough tho! I would like to say something during the speeches but i know i would blub massively - as would my mum, so am not sure if it is a good idea.

I'm going to do something similar to a wishing tree but hang photos of both sides of the family on so that we can include family members who are no longer with us and also its a nice simbolic gesture of OH's family and mine joining.

My plan is to light a candle which will be placed beside a picture of my Dad. My entrance to our venue is by coming down a staircase, so I was thinkig I'd have the candle at the foot of the stairs, light it and then 'walk up the aisle'. I'm also gonna have a poem inc in my OOD. I'm very aware I don't want my wedding turning into a memerial service to my Dad but on the same hand, I very much want him included.

There's a website here, that's full of suggestions.

How lovely ladies!

Im fortunate enough to still have my Dad so don't know what to say really...

My only idea is something me OH and I are doing and thats getting married at the same time as my mum and Dad did... they've been happily married for 26years and I think its a good omen...

the other thing we we're planning to do was while we were signing the register have what a wonderful world playing thats the song my mum and dad first danced too...

Like I say wished I could be more help! :-( So sorry to hear of your losses x x

The locket is a lovely idea, I did this for my sister in law when I did her flowers, so that he was there to walk down the aisle with her.

It was a very emotional but lovely day.

Good luck

Zoe xx

Thanks for this thread - I too am trying to find the delicate balance between including my dad who died when I was ten and reducing half the guests (and myself) to a mass of blubbering wrecks ☹️

Thanks guys. I like the idea of the locket so I can have him come down the aisle with me ( sort of ) I will try and find a way to have a line in the service maybe and/or in speeches. My two young sons are giving me away , the eldest is 13 so he could mention his grandad. It is difficult becuse as some of you have said I don't want my mum a wreck and you cannot mention his name without tears !

I lost my dad 2 years ago. It hurts me beyond comprehension to know he won't be there on the day, and i know it hurts my mam too.

He is such a miss and i love him dearly. I think about him every day.

The night before the wedding i will be lighting the candle i have infront of his picture on my mantle piece.

The day of the wedding i will simply hold him in my heart. I know he'll be with me on the day. xxx

I lost my dad 6 years ago, it is still raw for my mum and his twin brother. My plan is to have him mentioned in my OH's speech and where it fits in with what we like, we will include songs and classical artists he loves at important moments. We are having a slideshow of me and OH through the ages so to speak, and we will have a few family shots as well so that dad is present with us (he will be in close family's hearts anyway but it is nice to have something for everyone to see.)

The Locket idea is lovely, and the song choices. I lost my Mum 4 years ago, we are getting married 10 days after the 5th year anniversary of her death. I have been having the same dilema - I despirately want mum to be a part of the day - but don't want everyone to be sad and in tears. I am going to have flowers that were her favourites, and wear one of her necklaces. Subtle things that only a few people will know are about my mum. A friend of mine who lost her Dad, had a little angel brooch, that she pinned to her dress. She has then passed it on to all of her friends who have been married to wear hidden in their dresses. I think that is also a lovely idea.

Our Mums and Dads and friends who are no longer with us will be there somehow, in everyones thoughts and I think I believe that they will be there in spirit.

My H2B dad died of cancer a few yers back. For our favours were giving a donation to the hospice which looked after him, instead of having chocolates or whatever. That way hes included in the day