How weird is too weird?

I think your guests will love something a bit different from the norm!

Infact, my Auntie did it..... She got married in a register office, just her, her hubby and 2 witnesses the day before their "wedding" - no one knew about this.

Then, for their actual wedding day, they had a blessing by a clown, a bucking bronco, bouncy castle, kareoke, DIY BBQs, bingo, raffles, dancing competitions..... it was as far from a "normal" wedding as you can imagine... but everyone LOVED it!

I feel your over thinking it to be honest.....I don't believe anyone will think any part of your wedding is strange (I certainly would not) you might get some older relatives thinking 'it was not like this in my day' but who cares??? I'm sure your choice of dress and many other aspects of your day are different to days gone by but we can't live in the past.

You can always include a mini order of the day in the additional information with the invite to give your guests the heads up and to put your mind at ease.

I think weddings that are a little bit different are far more interesting!

Where are you from? Can you incorporate some traditions of your own?

I married a French man, and even thought they are our a closest neighbour, weddings are still extremely different between the French and English, so we tried to do a bit of both.

In my wedding invites, I had a little insert in French and English explaining all the little differences between us.

In terms of evenign buffet, they are normally for guests who arrrived for evening only (probably quite unique to english weddings). I didn't have any evening guests, and just had people there for everything. If you have that you don't need a buffet, just a few snacks later on (British like to eat).

Where abouts are you from? where is you husband to be from?

Amazing!!! I'd love to have been there for that!!

Nothing sounds odd about what you have described to me.

Agree with funkyjames- try not to over think things- I know how hard this can be though!

Also as Claire said, if you are invite evening only guests I would feel that they should be catered for with some sort of food- rather than a full on buffet can you arrange canapes to be passed around- nice little nibbles?

I'm from Australia. My fiance is from the UK (Essex born, has lived all around). He wants a formal wedding (or, as formal as we can afford) and a wedding breakfast- apart from that, it's up to me.

I don't think we really have many traditions? When I say "do whatever you want", that's pretty much how it goes (there's a thread on suits and stuff today where someone said "of course you can't get married in shorts!"- my uncle did! I've known several people who've arranged for a celebrant to show up to their "very informal engagement party" at their house, and not tell anyone they're getting married that day until the celebrant shows up. Then there are more British style weddings, and then the really out there- the people who get married on the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, for example). There are some religious traditions (tied up into churches or faith traditions specifically and not- for example, it's reasonably standard for the bride to give the groom a new family Bible), but I'm not religious so I'm not doing any of that. Other than that, there are traditions related to your ancestry (so if your heritage is Chinese, you'll likely have a Chinese or Chinese-cultural-fusion wedding), and sometimes things come up related to Australian Indigenous concerns (but it would be extremely weird and incredibly inappropriate to acknowledge the traditional indigenous owners of the land in a British wedding, as the people predominantly in power are indigenous to the land). Getting married outside is also very, very common. I'm of English/ Irish heritage, and I don't feel I have any "special" traditions from that background, and my family aren't much help in filling the gaps (the only tradition they talk about is getting married in the bride's home church). (Off the top of my head, the tradition people most talk about is the "something old something new something borrowed something blue" thing- although the "sixpence in her shoe" line is new to me, and some people toss their bouquets. Not keen on any of that)

The only thing that's "Australian" that I can think of doing is having some Australian music from my teenage years at the reception (Savage Garden and a bunch of artists you probably won't have heard of), and having a small sweet bag for each of the children with sweets that are uniquely Australian, and perhaps incorporating eucalyptus leaves into my bouquet (I plan to go silk so I presume this is relatively feasible). My MOH (Australian) also wants to incorporate a line dance that appears to be uniquely Australian, but I'm not sure how well that will fly.

My thoughts at the moment more run to the rigidity of the packages on offer (why can't I let my guests choose between two options for a wedding breakfast? why do you assume I'm going to have evening guests? what if my friends don't like dancing?). Although the concept of evening guests confuses me (it's not done in Australia as far as I or my parents know) and offends my parents- my parents have said a few times that in British weddings it seems that the cheapest part of the day (the evening) must be the most important bit because that's when you're inviting more people, and they think that inviting people only for (relatively speaking) cheaper food and not for the ceremony is really rude. I just shrug and say "I guess that's how things are done, it seems to make sense to them?"

At the moment I'm trying to navigate between "what will people expect at my wedding" (particularly after I overheard my father telling someone else that no one is ever happy with weddings and they always offend everyone in some way) and "how do I make this day my own" (with a side of "all these packages look carbon copy up and down the country. This annoys me").

CHILL! Who has been filling your head with these traditions? ha

Chat to other half about what you both want but honestly you are over thinking things. (I know easier said then done) my OH is from Latvia and weddings there go on for days with lots of crazy traditions (kidnapping, chopping trees, all sorts)....

Trust me having worked in hotels and events and worked hundreds of weddings there is no format that you have to follow its completely up to you...yes some venues offer packages they do this to guarantee minimum spend and to offer value for money (they are a business after all so want to squeeze as much money out of you as possible).... If you don't want a package find a venue that can do you a bespoke option....There is nothing stopping you doing any of the things that people do for their weddings in OZ over here. Yes the law is strict dictating where you can have a legal marriage but if you don't want to follow this simply go to the registry office with your OH and 2 witnesses for the legal bit and hold the ceremony you want wherever you want, just pay an actor to play the registrar you don't even need to tell your guests its not the actual legal bit, people do this all the time.

As for some of the other bits you mentioned I think its less about British tradition and more common sense as to if people will think its weird....yes of course you can get married in shorts and I'm sure people do all the time in OZ with nice hot summers, beach weddings, by the pool, outside, BBQ etc but would you wear shorts in a Church or if you were going out to a posh fine dining restaurant or if it was cold and raining? I don't think people would even in OZ? In the same way if you want a festival type wedding in a field nobody will think its weird unless you do something like tell guests to wear black tie and evening dresses in which case they may be a bit miffed as to why you have made them navigate mud and porter loos in their finery. Or if you got married at 10:00 am and then planned a day full of activities but food was not until 6pm leaving your guests starving.

You can do whatever you like, all the following formats are not unusual in the UK.

Have the ceremony, food and evening reception in completely different venues or all in the same venue.

Just having a ceremony and then head to the pub no food.

Get married late afternoon/early evening and just have one evening 'doo'

Having a wedding weekend hiring cottages/campsite etc and have a whole weekend of celebration.

Ceremony and wedding breakfast no evening doo.

Once you decide the format of your day all the other little bits fit in around it and nobody will bat an eyelid if your MOH gives a speech or if you want your speeches after the ceremony or after the meal (if your have one)....All the other little things like something 'borrowed/new/blue' are just a superstition as its meant to be lucky (in the same way some people would never get married on Friday the 13th because its meant to be unlucky) so if you don't have those belief's don't have them in your wedding.

Remember its your day and you cant please everyone so make sure you do what you and OH want!

Funky's advice is spot on - ignore the wedding offers and plan something a bit less rigid etc, which may give it more of an aussie feel.

I think let the MOH do the crazy aussie line dance - I think it sounds like fun and the french did some weird sh*t at my wedding but was all part of the fun.

If you don't have evening guests you don't need to worry about laying on lots of food later. I am with you on it - it's the done thing over here and perfectly socially acceptable, but didn't sit comfortably with me. I wanted to everyone to everything, or nothing at all. However, that's usually down to budgets and venue capacity, which is understandable. I found a venue that could accommodate 125+ for the ceremony.

I didn't have evening guests, so about 9pm they put the cakes out, mini fish and chips and a cheese tower and bread - just a bit to snack on, no full on buffet!

oh and weddings are ridiculously expensive in London/South East if that's where you will be based - particularly if you are looking for the formal types, but usally ways to reduce costs.

Definitely do the wedding day that both yourself and your OH want, anybody else is irrelevant!

Yeah, there is a traditional route to british/english weddings, but not all weddings follow that route (ours didn't and no one was offended by it). The thing that i've learnt is that everyone has their own opinions and things like weddings, unfortunately, makes them feel the need to voice them. Especially the older generation, where it was once that the wedding was paid for (and planned by) the brides parents. Alot of people i know have had issues where their parents have had a certain upbringing, didn't have the wedding they wanted due to parental pressure & finances, so therefore make clear their expectations. The other things i've found is, that people like to know whats going on. Even if it's a traditional full day wedding, a small insert with a timetable makes people more at ease.

The only advice i'd really give you is to let people know rough plans for the day (without giving too much information away) and to make sure that they are as well fed & watered as you can afford to offer.

Hi there sugar!

im Canadian, and I'm just the same outsider looking in as I moved to the uk to be with my now hubby. I think the uk timings usually depend on the time of day that the wedding is happening. Most weddings here are at noon-ish so the wedding breakfast is basically a late lunch for the original set of guests. The evening Buffett and food usually for the second set of guests. I personally and deliberately made my wedding timings completely different than the norm to save time, money and hassle. I had the wedding at 7pm, reception at 8 ( had a cold Buffett and fingerfood/ cake then. Dj came Till midnight but as it was snowing at the time and 2 days before Christmas people had all left by 11:00 and I was perfectly happy with that. It was completely different, but it was perfect for us and our 100 plus guests so I can't see a huge issue with being different.

Trust me, the English guests will find it odd, but if your an outsider anyway, they will chock it up to you not being English and enjoy the difference. If you were English, it might go over differently, but in general, they just accept it. Honestly, do what you want ( and makes sense to you), and enjoy your difference!

You're over-thinking it.

No one will find anything you've mentioned strange as they're all quite commonplace in English weddings these days anyway.

I think all your ideas sound reasonable.

I'm British and I don't really get the 'evening guest' thing either - I'd never come across it until I got engaged and started reading wedding forums. I guess that's partly because at the only wedding I've been to as an adult I was a day guest despite the fact I'd never met the bride or groom before that day! I am hopefully only going to have people invited for the whole day at my wedding.

Hmmm I take great offence that you think its appropriate to speak on behalf of 'English guests' as a non English person yourself....I think as this post and in fact this whole forum demonstrates 'The English guests' do not all share this view......Your post also suggest that all English people are racists and look on others as outsiders which is just ridiculous! I'm marrying a non Brit and my guests (many of which will be non Brits) will certainly not be choking anything up.

Agree James!

I agree with every word funkyjameseo has said. As much as I hate the phrase 'your day your way' I don't think you need to worry about what other people will think. As long as you're considerate of your guests in as far as not making anyone uncomfortable or starving them, do whatever you like.

Meant to add that I think little touches like a lady giving a speech, or hubby walking down aisle are great touches. My husband walked down the aisle first arm in arm with him mum, followed my by mum and Hubby's dad, and then me and my dad.

Ha just wanted my mum to have a little role in and walk down the aisle showing off to everyone else as well.

All those little different touches are cool and will be appreciated by the english.

Also agreed that you're overthinking it. You don't have to have evening guests, I'm not. You don't have to do a full on evening buffet, we're just having wedding cake and some snacks. My family is Jewish so my dad is doing a Jewish blessing after the ceremony that isn't even traditional for Jewish weddings, but we want it so we're having it. Whatever you do, most people will probably really enjoy something different from the usual wedding day formula.

James - kidnapping and chopping trees?! I want to learn more about Latvian weddings!

For info http://www.citypaper.ee/baltic_wedding_traditions/

Some of the comments about what 'the English' will think, have really made me laugh!

I'm not English, but I am British so I'm going to count myself in the generalisations. Yes, there are traditions with regards to the order of the day, feeding people etc, but if you actually read posts on here it's abundantly clear that there are no rules on what you can/can't and should/shouldn't do and there is definitely no set format. There are laws on where you can get married, but, as has already been pointed out, there's nothing to stop you doing a second, non-legal ceremony wherever and however you like.

Nothing the OP mentioned is remotely unusual these days. Different dances are commonplace in a variety of different wedding settings, so a traditional Australian line dance will go down fine in a half Australian wedding. Britain is a multi-cultural country and people are expressive of their individuality. Late weddings are extremely popular, people are shunning the formal sit down meal, only having all day guests, having extremely OTT themed weddings, all sorts of different things.

Nobody will really bat an eyelid if you do something different (unless you go round kidnapping people and randomly chopping down trees! I will be reading the article after posting this!). They will probably expect it as you are not British and will probably enjoy experiencing things from a different culture. As James said, you are REALLY over thinking this.

I'm a little disappointed that people think the English/British are so stuck up that if you do a dance or don't have a buffet in the evening, we'll think your really weird. Would your culture think you'd gone completely bonkers of you got married over there and wanted to keep traditions like separate evening guests and a buffet. I highly doubt it.

As for the superstitions (something old/new/borrowed/blue, sixpence) they're for fun more than anything these days and a way for mums/grandparents to hand things down. I doubt many people panic if they forget their something old, and plenty of people have no idea about them. They're not part of your culture so it makes no sense for you to follow them, unless you particularly like one and fancy having a sixpence in your shoe all day!

Relax, just because the venues offer packages in a certain way doesn't mean you have to take the package or follow it. They just offer the packages in what is the most common format because its whats most common.

My wedding followed the ceremony, afternoon, evening reception format, but I didn't have any extra evening guests, we had a light afternoon tea as a snack type meal, but still traditional and formal like an English afternoon tea would be but nothing like the sit down dinners, and had a BBQ in the evening, It was different to what our guests had done before and everyone loved it.

Do what you want. No one will even bat an eyelid, trust me. and if they do, tell them to mind their own.

? Agree. I've read about many English people who have weirder sounding wedding plans (weirder in the nicest sense of the word - they all sound fabulous!) - you have nothing to worry about.