How would you address this?

I'd be furious, so would have to let OH deal with it, but i'd want to make it clear that whether she was doing it for your benefit, or indeed for her own, that she does't just come and go as she pleases.

I'd be more than miffed! what if you were both at home doing errm... something! MILs are a pain in the ass!

she would know as one of the cars would be missing from the drive but even so- thats the least of my worries- she could have gone through our letters that are open on the table, gone into our bedroom etc - she could have at least fed the bloomin cats if she wants to snoop around our house while we are not here.

If you are paying rent then she is your landlord 1st and your MIL 2nd and what she has done is completely wrong!

I understand that it's a little bit different to the norm but I would deffinetly get yr OH to speak to her or speak to her yourself and politely but firmly tell her you are amused and that in future she is not to enter your property without your prior knowledge or consent.

Oh and if the house is falling apart she has a duty of care as a landlord to get it all fixed!

FMIL did this to us too when we asked her to look after the kids when we went to view our wedding venue.

We got back, she set off, said our goodbyes. I go to the loo only to find she's cleaned the whole bathroom and moved all our toiletries about (which we found out on a later phonecall it was so it was in a 'more convenient order for us')

I went spare! I felt it was SO intrusive!

I wouldn't be happy.

Could you joke it out?

'Golly, you're lucky I wasn't home, or I'd have hit you on the head with my baseball bat. You don't expect people to be roaming around your home without invitation'.

'I know it's your house but it's our home. I think it's reasonable to think it should be a private space unless we arrange otherwise'.

Good grief I'd be absolutley furious! Whether I'd flip out or bite my tongue would depend on whether I've got a new place lined up or not as she may not take too kindly to you objecting (despite her being totally in the wrong!).

You'll be well shot of her as your landlord once your moved! Shame she'll always be your MIL, but at least you'll stand a better chance of a civil relationship if she doesn't have a hold over you in terms of house or finances.

Do you have a contract with her for your tenancy?

Ours has a clause which says that our landlord must give us notice (I can't remember how long, maybe a week?) before visiting, if they are planning on coming when we are out.

I'm sure, being your MiL, you wouldn't want to get all legalese on her, but it's something to bear in mind. Could you just get OH to have a word and say you were really worried when you came in and saw things had been moved around and so on?

I'd have been fuming Mini. I think your OH needs to have a word and remind her that just because she is his mother, it does not give her the right to let herself in whenever she wants. If she plays the 'it's my house' card, then as others have said, she should be giving you notice as a landlord. When we were renting I think it was 48 hours that our landlord had to give us.

By law a landlord should give you notice anyway so you could raise that. I dont blame you for being upset though! I dont know how I would react, maybe try to make a joke of it.

How does Mr Mini feel about it? As she is his mum i think he should say something. I wouldnt be happy at all. As much as I love my MIL I would not be happy about her letting herself in and cleaning things without me knowing.

Did she give you a reason for being there?

Its just not on, whether you rent from her or not there is a line and she crossed that.

Defo need to raise it with her, but i do think it would be better coming from her son. Otherwise it could cause a big row.

I think your OH needs to have a word and remind her that just because she is his mother, it does not give her the right to let herself in whenever she wants.

Definately agree with this. My MIL has a key to our house but its only really if we are away, so she can check in on things.

My parents have a key & if there is something wrong in the house my dad will call in during the day & sort it out but he'll say to me first,

I really think she has over stepped the mark and it needs nipped in the bud so it doesnt become an acceptable habit.

..once MIL helped OH with the washing & she folded all my pants....I went mental - I dont want her seeing & touching my underwear!

Wowzers Mini, she really is something else!

You pay her rent = she is your landlord and has rules to abide by. If she wants to enter the house she needs to give you notice. I would be having stern words with Mr Mini and if he didn't do anything about it, I'd have to!

How is the house hunting going?

WSS Totally unacceptable

I would be fuming, but I probably wouldn't say anything myself. I would have OH address it as it's his mother. She could so easily turn it around on you and make you the bad guy, like "After I went to all that effort to clear away all your rubbish, this is how you repay me?" Ugh, that would be the only thing to make this worse!

Then I would be looking extra hard to move house. But by the sounds of comments, you're doing that already. I hope you find something soon, because I'm not sure what you can do in your current situation that wouldn't potentially blow up in your face- very very tricky.

My MIL came over to tidy the house months ago and cleaned our bathroom, and in her wisdome decided to chuck out the almost empty but noit quite tube of toothpaste without telling us or replacing it!...yupy ou guessed it when we went to bed that evening and realised we did not have any toothpaste to brush our teeth and even worse not able to brush our teeth in the morning before work!!!! can you imagine not being able to brush your teeth in the morning Grrrrr.

Then a couple of weeks ago I did a washing on the monday and hung everything over the radiator on Monday night. The next day I was up and out at 4 am to catch a flight to london for work but was due back later that evening. MIL was looking after my daughter until OH got home from work. When I got in around 8pm, OH said "oh my mum helped you out and put the washing over the radiators into the ironing basket" I was like OK but I was going to do that, and he said och she just wants to help out"...When I went into the cupboard to get the ironing basket out, I quickly realised she hadn't put the clothes in the ironing baqsket but instead into the washing basket and so clean clothes in amongst dirty clothes Yuk!! Maybe I was a little OTT as they had only been there for a couple of hours, but I said that it all had to be washed again as the dirty smell will have clung to the "clean" laundry.

OH though I was over reacting, but I was super annoyed!!!

as for the OP - I would definately have a word or get your OH to have a word to say you would appreciate notice before she enters the flat, as turning up unannouced is really bad form im my opoinion!

I'd be fuming Mini. I don't really have any advice beyond what the others have said but I think it's unacceptable for her to let herself in without telling you. Did you have to figure out for yourself that she'd been round, or did she at least leave a note/voicemail to let you know?

I'd be mad at this too! It's your home and she can't just let herself in and out willy nilly.

I remember a time when PIL stayed at our house and we went to work in the morning and they had a leisurely morning at ours. When I got home all of the washing baskets were empty and MIL had left a note to say she'd taken all our dirty washing home to wash, tumble & iron.

I felt a bit funny about this thinking she'd been through our washing (my dirty knicks!) and OH was furious and let rip at her, she was mortified and said she'd never do it again. After I'd had time to think about it though I felt a bit grateful that all of the washing had been done as it meant I didn't have to do it! ?

WLMS - When mum went in to rented she changed the locks so the landlord cannot come and go as he pleases - there is something about having someone going in to your house without consent that puts me on edge, even if it is your MIL I would probably have changed the locks and told her exactly why i'd done it - if/when you move out she would get the keys anyway - why does she need them whilst you are living there?!

I think it would be wise to get your OH to have a word with her. Fair enough, she helped out with clearing the rubbish away, but it's still intrusive.

SHE IS IN THE GARDEN NOW!

argh!!! what shall I do? went to hang the washing out and there she was- measuring the fence.

Is your OH home?! He needs to get out there and have a word pronto! Yes, you're moving out soon but you still have tenants rights while your still there - just because you are family does not mean she can come and go as she pleases!!!

No he is out- literally just caught a glimpse of her through the window.

Am fuming, am pretending I have not seen her so I dont have to speak to her. ?

Wander innocently outside with some washing or something and jump/scream in fright when you see her, prompting 'what are you doing here' 'You scared the life out of me' ending in 'if you want to come and do work to the house thats no problem but could you arrange it with us first'

This is what I want to do.....Im not sure I am brave/trust myself enough to do it....

You need to set firm guidelines with her or she'll continue to do it.

I suspect she's doing it to make things as uncomfortable as possible so you move out.

so do I.

Do it! She will only get worse otherwise. You don't have a great relationship with her anyway so it's not like you'd sever relations further. Plus your H is not happy about her coming round unannouced either so will fully back you up (I hope!)

How is the house hunt actually going?

Oooh just thought, is there anyway of you going out and double locking all the doors etc so she's trapped where she is?! If she doesn't tell you she's there how were you supposed to know..

Go and cheerfully offer her a cup of tea, let her think her little plan isn't working....

sadly not...our garden fence is absent- hence why she is round, measuirng tape in hand.

And Moobum- I may just do that, put my acting skills to use if they arnt too rusty "how lovely to see you, fancy a spot of lunch?"