Husband to be rant :-(

Financing a wedding should be jointly agreed. Sometimes one pays all/or more than the other for very valid reasons. You shouldn't feel that you're doing it all and your OH doing nothing. That would send alarm bells for me. Have you discussed and agreed how you're financing it all? Does your oh know how much it all costs? You need a serious talk hun xx

I earn more than him but didn't think that meant I had to pay for everything. He knows the cost of everything but still has said nothing. I keep asking when he's going to help n he just says he will but I no he can't and we get married in October so he's not got long :-(

I know how you feel Hun my partner is the same and he earns more than me but he's terruble with saving n finances I sort all of them out. We kept arguing becayse if it but I ended up making a list if everything we needed what was paid and what was left to pay which I then asked him to look over and I think it kind of give him a reality check also I spoke to his mam as she was asking about the wedding and she had a word with him. So after doing the list we agreed what he was going to pay for and to be honest we haven't argued since.

coukd you maybe do a breakdown of the wedding and costs to show him or could his parents or friends speak to him x

Maybe you could ask him to part with £10 a week or something, maybe even £20. That way, it doesn't seem overwhelming for him so won't feel as 'skint' giving away about £200 in one pop. It may not pay for half of it, but it's a contribution. At the moment he only can imagine handing over a big sum, because that's what weddings are, so saving for it seems like an overwhelming distant possibility. Suggest it to him Either that or he needs to calm down on the pints & play station games

I don't think it comes down to who earns the most or the least, marriage is a partnership so does it matter?

I don't understand the part of I am paying more than him.........

To be honest we have a similar incoming but we have completely joint finances so this hasn't been an issue for us really.

We have incomings, outgoings and 'leftovers' (for paying off debt currently but will be for savings after. There's no 'my money, his money' etc. It wouldn't have worked for us as I stopped working when our son was born so he HAD to pay for everything!

We keep our finances separate, but we've paid everything jointly so far. I'm paying for my dress and accessories, but things like the invitations, insurance and hotel deposit have all been split between us. It wouldn't really make sense to me to do it any other way, unless I didn't earn at all I guess.

Hi, we had a similar situation which ended up becoming a massive issue then it turned into a HUGE argument. My advice would be to sit down and talk about it before it gets out of hand.

X

I have to be honest here that this rings alarm bells for me not just over the wedding costs but for after the wedding too. If paying for the wedding is an issue haven't been able to sort out, what about other large expenses that crop up when married? You have been together a while now so how do you deal with other finances? Holidays, expenses over your son, cars, house repairs?

Money is the number one cited cause for arguments in couples so I wouldn't be thinking 'he isn't paying for the wedding' but 'how do we stop money being an issue in our marriage'. I would suggest sitting down and talk to him calmly and explain how you feel and listen to what he has to say. If the discussion ends up being a fight every time it might be due to him feeling pressured. Maybe he is worried about money too and rather than discussing it with you is trying to work out his own plan. When you discuss things with him, try not to make it sound like you are blaming him (eg I'm paying for everything when are you going to help out) but talk about how you are worried and feel burdened and resentful.

Try this "I don't want to argue about money for the wedding, yet I feel burdened by paying for everything. I'm worried how I will pay for it all without any help. What do you think we should do" Then just give him time to think about it.

Whatever is decided, it has to be something you are both happy about, not just over this but going forwards. Feeling resentful and not saying anything is the surest way to kill a relationship.

Hmm sounds a bit odd. I earn less than my husband but we paid for all the big stuff jointly. He paid for the bits for himself and the best man etc, I paid for my bits and my BMs.

You shouldn't be paying for all of this yourself. If he can't afford as much as you then fair enough but not to contribute anything at all is not right.

I agree with the posts above that you need to address this quickly. I'd suggest sitting down with your partner and doing a budget for the wedding (when everything needs to be paid for etc) and where the money is going to come from.

I think regardless of whether you have joint finances or keep them separate you're entering into a partnership and you both have to understand what the costs are, and any sacrifices that need to be made to pay for a wedding should be shared.

I also think you need to have a big chat about this. I have felt awkward as Mr Erin has paid a lot more towards our wedding then l have. Until October 2013 l was a full time student for 3 years and he earns a lot more than me. I have contributed as much as l can - money towards the honeymoon, my dress / accessories, cake / cake stand, invitations and various other bits and bobs.

I hope you get to the bottom of this and get it sorted. I know it is hard talking about money.

What is it they say about the best way to a man's heart - through his wallet? Yes, I agree with the other contributors here. Have a long talk with him. If he's not prepared to pay a bean towards your wedding, you might think about his attitude towards it...

I'm really sorry to say this and I hope it doesn't come across too harshly but this would really concern me! I'm wondering why you haven't discussed the finances of the wedding before now and come to some sort of agreement? It would also concern me for your life together as a married couple with the expenses life will throw at you! These things need discussing and resolving together as a partnership! Resentment over money is not a good way to start out married life!

My OH and I discussed financing well before we even got engaged! We have been lucky and had help from both our families but we always were very open about how much we could both contribute and were both adamant that we would not spend more than we could afford as we didn't want to start out married life in debt and ideally didn't want to spend ALL of our savings so that we had enough squirrelled away for our future together.

Hmmmm I do think you need to talk to him about it as it's obviously bothering we. We are lucky that my dad is in a position to pay for most of our wedding, but we still want to put some money and pay for things. I earn quite a bit more than my fiance. So me and H2B decided that I take care of the wedding saving, he takes care of the mortgage and all our bills. Which seems to be working out fine and is quite even!

I totally get where you're coming from.

H2B and I talked finances and had a joint and equal system set up.

Then he lost his job.

Now, I seem to be paying for everything, which is understandable, as he has no money coming in, but still frustrating. I had a meltdown last week over the suits, I just did NOT want to pay for them too. They weren't in my budget and I want other things that I would have to leave out so I could pay for the suits. I cried and refused to talk about what was upsetting me (it was after a conversation where I said I was worried about the time left to get the suits and he suggested I paid the deposit). He figured it out eventually and has since started putting more effort into finding a job. But, like you, we need a proper conversation about it. I'm interested in everyone's advice and think I will give it a go next week when I am on holiday from work.

x

I think you need to talk to him too. I'm paying for most of our wedding, but that's only because he's hoping to be in uni and has paid for everything the past 3 years while I've not been working.

Funnily enough, the perfect time for this conversation came up this morning after I'd posted!

It was good to talk it all through with H2B, and he felt so bad that I had thought he wasn't going to contribute. We sorted everything out in a very long conversation and have new plans in place for finances (which involve him getting a job. He is trying very hard to get one too). I feel so much better.

Everyone here is right, communication is the key, so find time to talk!

x

Big alarm bells here.

did you not discuss finances before hand? Is he literally hoping to turn up on the day whilst you've done everything including paying for it. You may earn more but he sounds incredibly selfish, especially if he's just saying no to you.

How do you run your finances in normal life? Does he pay for anything or do you still pay for everything? Does he contribute at all? What's going to happen when you have children? This is the sort of thing you have to talk about prior to getting married, as so far it doesn't sound good.

Does he want to get married?

We have a son together already. We split all bills and then I pay for my expenses like car etc and he pays for his. When we talked about the wedding he promised he would save but as time creeps up he just hasnt. Ive just got on with paying for deposits and small things like stationery etc as I knew he didnt have the money. Our venue doesnt need paid till 2 weeks before the bigday so im hoping he will have something but who knows.

Hes got a history of being crap with money and we both want to get married so im not sure he just assumed id pay for most along with my family.

We are having a chat tonight so how knows what will happen lol x

Good luck hun. let us know how you get on. xx

Good luck!!

x