I am going to wake up in a minute aren't I? UPDATE on Page 4 Warning- #dadcancer

Just going to echo what everyone else has said, no words will change anything but just wanted to say how sorry and sad I am for your loss. I'm sure your dad will be with you every step of your wedding day and will be watching down on you proudly. X

I am so so sorry to see your sad news. Having only lost my mum last November I have some idea of the pain and sorrow you're feeling. Fwiw, if you feel you can, you should hold off making any decisions about your wedding certainly in terms of postponing it. From what you've said I'm sure your dad would want you to go ahead even though it might feel all wrong. He wanted you to be happy.

sending you lots of love and condolences. Xxx

I am so sorry to see such sad news for you. There aren't really any words from others that will make it better and it's sounds a such a cliche but it will get easier with time. No doubt your wedding will be a hard day - try to remember how much he would have loved to be there and would have wanted you to enjoy every minute.

My thoughts are with you and your family at such a difficult time xxx

I'm so very sorry. Your dad looked like a truly lovely man xx

I am so so sorry for your devastating loss. I hope you have plenty of time off work and your family and fiance can help you decide what to do in regards to your wedding day x

I'm so sorry to read your update. Thoughts are with you and your family x

I'm so sorry to read this DeeBee. It sounds like he was a lovely man and was loved by a great number of people. Best wishes and hugs. xx

My deepest sympathy for you and your family at this difficult time. He sounds like an amazing man.

^^^^^^^ this^^^^^^^^^^

Sending internet hugs x x x

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your dad,thinking of you at the difficult time. Big weirdy hugs

DeeBee I am so sorry to hear about your dad, I'm thinking of you and your family at this difficult time *hugs*

Really sad to read this update. So sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Couldn't read and run, I am so so sorry for your loss, can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Sending huge huge hugs and lots of love to you all. Your dad will be with you every step of the way on your big day xxxx

DeeBee I am so so so terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure your dad will be sending you love and strength to get through these days, weeks and months and I know he'll be with you always xx

I'm so sorry to read this hun and I'm truly sorry for your loss xx

I am so, so sorry to hear your devastating news. He sounds like a wonderful man and that is such a lovely family photo. Will be thinking of you. x

I am so so sorry Dee and send my love and thoughts to you and your family. I wish there was more we could say or do for you but you know where we are if you need to chat.

From what you have said your dad sounds like an amazing man and a fantastic father. I hope you can find the space and healing that you need to be able to remember the good times that you all had together and the touchs and influences that he made on your life will be with you forever. Take care of yourself. RK x

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news and for your loss. I hope you and your family can find some comfort in each other at this sad time. Take care of yourselves xx

I'm so sorry to hear that.

My thoughts are with you at this time.

xx

Dear All

Thought I'd pop my head up to thank you all for your kind words and condolences, I have been overwhelmed by all the posts.

We are now 8 days down the line and still waiting on a death certificate as my dad had a procedure on the day before he died that went wrong, and a subsequent post mortum proved inconclusive. It's not easy, especially for a 'planner' like myself who although dreading the funeral wants to be able to get on with making sure it is everything he would want it to be. We're in serious limbo and I'm still camped out at my mum's refusing to leave, although I am worrying like mad about work and am now separated from both fiancee and dog, although I have my gorgeous niece to keep me going.

Wedding planning is also proving helpful because at least it gives me something to do. Although it's surreal.... me and OH went out to lunch on Friday and conversation turned from wedding to funeral planning in all of 10 seconds. That really isn't how that is going to work.

Because I know its what my Dad would have wanted the wedding will change as minimally as possible. Mum will walk me down the aisle (which will save her having to watch anyone else do it, which I think will be good) and is threatening to make a speech, but as far as I'm concerned she can make a decision on that 30 seconds before if she wants. My sister is struggling with the idea of doing the comedy 'as our dogs' speech that I penned as a surprise for OH but my aunty and uncle have offered to step in. I'm having the school shield badge that I was intending to buy for my Dad's buttonhole, on my bouquet, so I'll have a subtle physical reminder of him.

One of our readings (from Marley and Me) is going to change because at first glance after his death I realised that ironically it was virtually describing him and to have it during our service would have destroyed me emotionally. Instead I hope to read it at his funeral and we've chosen an alternative for the wedding. This is the reading....

“A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.”

He's being buried in his Father of the Bride socks and will have his FOB cufflinks with him - he can't wear them though cos he's being buried in his Tottenham Shirt and joggers just as he would have wanted.

And there I go again, wedding to funeral in mere sentences, but that's just how it happens at the minute. Apologies if this seems disjointed, still a bit in a bubble at the moment and not having a good day.

Thank you again to all x

Aaw DeeBee how tough this time is. It's been 8 days, of course you're in a bubble. The conversation will shift from funeral to wedding in the blink of an eye as they're the two key things in your life and both imminenet so don't beat yourself up about that. It's "just normal", and normal is good. I do hope you get the death certificate soon so you can arrange the funeral otherwsie as you say, you're in limbo. We had to wait four days for my mum as she died over the weekend, then there's backlog and it's just rubbish. The funeral happening is what allows you to really start coming to terms with what's happened but the healing takes time.

Almost a year on I will get leaky eyes at the oddest thing and find myself in a bubble, yet at other times I can be strong and love to chat about Mum and her quirks, memories etc. That's how it will be always now. My OH lost his mum ten years ago and it's the same for him. The leaky eyes do get less, the happy memories become more frequent, but the memories never fade, you have them for always.

xx

I am so sorry to hear this. Trust me I know what you are going through as I have been through something very similar so I know how you must be feeling right now. If you ever need to off load please feel free to contact me xxxx

I'm so sorry for your i can't imagine how hard it must be to still be thinking about your wedding. We lost OH's mum to cancer in march so we know what a horrible shock it is.

big hugs.

I wanted to pass on my condolences. I know that nothing I say can make you feel any better. Reading your posts made me shed a tear.

I am sure your dad would be proud of how you are handling things and I hope that you get to plan his funeral soon. It will be a sad time for you all, but it will also give you chance to chat about your dad with family members, recount stories. It will be sad, it will be tough but as a family you will pull together and get through.

Its lovely that you already have some ideas of how to include your dad on your wedding day, and I am sure that it will make you feel like he is still part of your big day.

I am really sorry for your loss. I truly am.

Deebee I want to send you a hug - everything is incredibly raw for you at the moment, and everything you are feeling is perfectly natural. I do hope you get the certificate soon so you can get on and plan the funeral, I think the reading is lovely and seems very appropriate.

My mum walked me down the aisle as well, and did a lovely speech - it helped her to concentrate on that, rather than missing my Dad too much. I hope your mum is holding up ok. x

I am so terribly sorry for your loss .. your dad seemed like an absolute gentleman and I'm positive he will be with you every step of the way on your big day

Take it easy and most importantly take care of yourself ... sending virtual hugs x

Oh hunni I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you're going through. Shed a little tear reading this thread Thinking of you & your family. Stay strong x

Huge huge hugs to you hun, what an awful thing to happen. Don't worry about going from wedding to funeral and back again, these are very early days, and everything is al lover the place. I remember very little from the couple of weeks or so after my dad died. Neither he, not my OH's dad will be at our wedding, so we'll be having pictures somewhere so they can both watch. Thoughts to you and your family xx